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| Nov 19, 2006 @ 10:46 PM |
Matters of the heart |
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almostinnocent494
Posts: 33
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Ok..i have a question !!!
When you date someone, and you tell that person you love them shouldnt you spend some time with them???? Wouldnt you WANT to spend time with that person?
See my lil problem is just that. I barely see him, yes maybe daily for like half an hour before work. Weekends when i would like to do things with him or incl. the kids to do some "familystuff" he's out on the quad or in the woods with the jeep. Tells me its a Jeep thing and i wouldnt understand ! Even though he works on the jeep all week long.
Am i just being a baby or is it really a Jeep thing?
I mean of course i wouldnt want to spend 24/7 together,it would get boring. But the weekends..2 days out of the week...is that too much to ask for?
He knew he was getting involved with a "made family" and now it seems he wants no part of it. Am i being a sucker????
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| Nov 19, 2006 @ 11:43 PM |
Matters of the heart |
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birdman67
Posts: 155
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Hmm.. tough question. It's difficult to say without knowing the full situation and all the players, but I think that when you say, "I love you", it should really mean something. Even if your man is a big Jeep person who loves to get all muddy, he should still have some good quality time to give you.
Whether that's just snuggling up on the couch after the kids have gone to bed, or firing up the Jacuzzi and spending some "adult time" together. But he needs to SHOW you he loves you, especially when you start to wonder.
I guess the best thing to do, is to ask him for a little bit of his time, and then ask him gently.
You seem like a very nice person who deserves the love and respect that you seek, I wish you luck !! 
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 12:26 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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almostinnocent494
Posts: 33
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Tells me I need patience....holy shit how much patience can a girl have...lmao !!! 
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 12:28 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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Dominus
Posts: 511
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I hate to tell women this, because it's not the answer that they want to hear...but it's one of the oldest tales in the book.
A man who spends his time at the bar with his drinking buddies. A man who spends his time at sports arenas rooting for his favorite team. A man who spends time with his "Jeep thing". There's nothing really wrong with this behavior by itself. From the man who throws himself into his work and puts in a lot of overtime to the man who loves to play cards with his buddies every chance that he gets.
Like I said...there's nothing techichally wrong with those things...unless...
What you really have to ask yourself is not what those things are to the relationship. That's a false lead. The item at issue isn't sports or Jeeps or beer. The issue is the relationship itself; specifically, how does he see you in the relationship.
He can't answer this question directly. Any man who is asked this question directly will say some cliche such as "you're everything to me." You have to find the answer in how he percieves you and how that is shown through his behavior.
I know I'm going to be recieving lots of negative response about this, but what this is about is what men love, and most men don't love women. They either love men, or they love themselves. Almost every man will offer a knee-jerk response to this, saying "I ain't gay!", but think about it: When a man would rather spend his time by himself, or around other men, what does that say?
When a man proclaims to be straight, and to love women, he should love everything about them. Not only their bodies but their ideas, and not just portions of those but all of them. A man who fixates on his wife's breasts but spends all of his time hanging out with his male friends is nothing more than a gay man with a boob fetish. A man who is not biased would more than likely spend just as much time associating with both sexes than dwelling on one.
So you have to ask yourself, what is it that you have that he is in love with. Once you know that, you'll have your answer.
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 12:28 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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almostinnocent494
Posts: 33
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hummm...now ur gonna make me think ontop of my grumpiness???
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 12:34 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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Dominus
Posts: 511
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Well, anytime you wanna talk I'm right here...you just have to find out where here is...and to do that you must unravel a tangled web of clues, each more maddening than the last!
Wait...when did I go from friendly advice guy to Bond Villain?
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 9:53 PM |
Matters of the heart |
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birdman67
Posts: 155
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Dom: Not sure I agree with your view of men and homosexuality.. I think some of it is bonding, and others just the fact that they share common interests. I enjoy "hanging out with the guys" but ya know, if it comes down to a choice between going out with the guys, or spending some quality time with my woman, there's no challenge.. I"ll spend it with my lady.
I see the value in having a lover, friend, confidant, and soulmate who is my center of life.
I think though, that there are just some people who don't need or want that real closeness. They would rather be with friends, than bonding with buddies. And there's really no wrong answer. It's a choice. Do you like apple or cherry pie? There's no wrong answer. HOWEVER, it's wrong if you don't respect that other person by caring for what they want.
Even though I'm in two relationships right now, I still love my wife, give her my time, my love, my respect. It's just that the girlfriend gives me what she can't right now. I hope to have that corrected soon. ( She is seeing two specialists soon ).
But what I can't stand, is men who, like you say, will regurgitate some bullshit cliches' just to try and satiate a woman's need. And well, most women are smarter than that, but they are willing to settle for now.. Well, in time, that settle attitude usually dies out and they end up moving on.
So, I say, "life is too short". I spent 7 of 9 years in my first marriage just hoping, just waiting, just settling... Go for what you want and don't waste time hoping.. Ask your partner in all seriousness. If this partner dodges, or just can't answer, then you HAVE your answer.
AI494 - You deserve a man who's willing to give time to you, your relationship, your family, not out playing with his toys all the time.. Take control...
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 11:27 PM |
Matters of the heart |
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Dominus
Posts: 511
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Well, my words were intended to be partially tongue-in-cheek. After all, the implications if I were literally correct would be that 80% or so of the population of males would be homosexual, as opposed to the current 10%.
However, and once again tongue-in-cheek, this would explain a whole lot. But perhaps more conventionally, homosexuality isn't the correct term. After all, these guys aren't persuing sexual relations with these other men. Perhaps "homoamorous" would be a better term to use, unless they are just doing "man stuff" by themselves, in which case "narcisistic" would be appropriate.
But you are correct on one important aspect: As we only have so much time in a day to occupy, we have to be discerning at to the relationships we choose. A man who chooses to spend his time one way or another says a lot about the sort of man he is and the sort of relationships he wants.
A man who does opt to ignore his wife or family in preference of the company of other men may be "homoamorous", or maybe even latently homosexual. Saying that it's just the way guys behave is a cop out. That's like a theif explaining away his behavior by saying "Hey, we all want things" and expecting that forgives his actions.
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| Nov 20, 2006 @ 11:31 PM |
Matters of the heart |
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almostinnocent494
Posts: 33
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THanks you guys,,,,I did take action today and mentioned that yes everybody needs alone time and of course he loves his jeep and i would never say "no u can't go out in the woods" absolutely not..i do not own him...however i did say what i needed and wanted and that he needs to make time for both because i want a family man who will stand behind me and the kids 100% and i will do the same in return. Now the ball is in his field,,,either he wants this or he doesnt...i've been a single mom for way too long,i certanly dont need a man to depend on. 
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| Nov 21, 2006 @ 2:56 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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birdman67
Posts: 155
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Dom: Hmm.. sure seem to be stuck on the man love there big guy..  Just pokin fun at you. But I do agree with one aspect that you've touched upon: I think that more guys are, as you put it, homo-amourous, but won't admit it. I never did understand slapping another guy's butt, as a form of celebration in sports.. I mean, why not tickle his dick? Is that any less homo-erotic? 
I just don't understand why people get so bunched up about sex in general though. We are a very social creature, so why is homo anything such a shock? Well, not so much anymore, as you can find gay shows, movies, etc.. It's much more socially acceptable now than in years past, but it always amazes me how people get so eeked out by things that aren't the social norm.
Oh and speaking of eeked out. WTF is up with Michael Richards?? I mean, has Hollywood gone nuts?? Am I just that naive' not to know that Hollywood is so racist and anti-semetic?? Whew...
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| Nov 21, 2006 @ 2:59 AM |
Matters of the heart |
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birdman67
Posts: 155
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AI494: Good for you !!  Way to stand up for yourself, and your family. I do hope that your man realizes the importance as well and starts to treat you with respect.
However, if that hope proves false, it sounds like you have the strength and conviction to move on. Good for you !!!
Either way, I'm here for you! 
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