Is it all about looks?

Already a member? Click here to sign in!

Main Sex Talk
Is it all about looks?

page: << 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 >> of 6 pages < previous page | next page >

Jan 27 @ 8:46 AM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 Though many gives plenty of wiggle room, it's been my experience that the vast majority of men do care about the woman as a person.

I'm sorry, but anyone who uses another person as a "fuck buddy" does not truly *care* about that person; they care about using someone as a means to "get off."

I know, for my part, that the men that talk most specifically about what they find attractive are the least likely to end up with somebody that meets that description. In other words superficial beauty is a good topic for superficial conversation. The more esoteric the trait the longer the conversation has to be before we even get to the thesis. Conversation and the communication of ideas don't always have more than a tagental relationship.

Perhaps so...why all the bullshit, then? It's completely illogical. And the sad thing is, that superficiality does flow over into reality for many men, thereby making no woman "good enough" for them.

Anyway, my main question was basically why do so many men think it's all about conquest? I mean I can understand a period of sowing one's wild oats as a teen or young adult, basically, but what is it about men who try to screw every woman they can whenever they can? I think men like that are sorely lacking in self-esteem and need to prove themselves by showing other men (and themselves) that they are "studs" or whatever.

I also think Ynot's point bears some repeating. For me, and apparently him, physical attractiveness cannot be entirely seperated from the person-in-question's personality. A persons physical features (or rather how my mind takes them in) get filtered through how I think of them as an individual. A person that I like (whether I'm sexually attracted to them or not) will become more physically attractive to me, with the reverse also being true.

Well, therein lies the difference between you and many other men...you actually think with your mind, rather than your penis.

Jan 27 @ 9:44 AM Is it all about looks?

aspiringwriter

Posts: 308
Of course they are a factor. What's your point?
Didn't have a point per se, it was an honest question meant to make sure we were on the same page. I missed the part of your response to Ynot that would have answered my question, my apologies.

Perhaps so...why all the bullshit, then? It's completely illogical. And the sad thing is, that superficiality does flow over into reality for many men, thereby making no woman "good enough" for them.
People behaving illogically, I'm shocked! We live in a society filled with bullshit ( but there is a great book about this called On Bullshit by Harry G. Frankfurt. Actually this meanders a bit back to the topic... he defines bullshit, in essences, as something said without regards to truth (not a lie, just not necessarily true). I tend to think a lot of the talk about looks is just that) Bullshit passes the time, makes good conversation, and is easy to defend.

While I'm off-topic, I should go ahead and say that we should probably let the fuck buddy situation lie where it is for now. I greatly disagree with you but this isn't the thread for that disagreement. Suffice to say (for now), caring doesn't always involve amorous love, and for some neither does sex.

Back to the topic, where are all of these knotched bed posts? And what's wrong with a trophy wife that she chooses to marry somebody who is only interested in her looks? Beyond that, I've only met a few (two that come to mind) men who either through actions, or their own presentation, gave the impression of one who would fuck anything that didn't run away fast enough. In both cases, (in my opinion) it was indeed compensation for self-esteem issues. Though it was a need to feel desired that I think motivated them. High school students are another issue all together. In high school I remember boys talking up thier sexual conquests, but frankly I don't really recall it (with above exceptions) since. I've had more conversations with male friends about thier inability to get laid then the opposite.

Jan 27 @ 10:10 AM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 While I'm off-topic, I should go ahead and say that we should probably let the fuck buddy situation lie where it is for now. I greatly disagree with you but this isn't the thread for that disagreement. Suffice to say (for now), caring doesn't always involve amorous love, and for some neither does sex.

Well, sure it is. It goes along with the conversation and feel free to disagree with me all you want. Because I'll always have a rebuttal; you can bank on that.

Anyway, I'm not talking about someone you're dating and also have a sexual relationship (but not a commitment with); I'm talking about having someone come over solely for the purpose of having sex, and that's it. There is no level of "caring" in that type of relationship, other than "caring" about yourself, for the most part.

*****

Back to the topic, where are all of these knotched bed posts?

Is that a rhetorical question?

And what's wrong with a trophy wife that she chooses to marry somebody who is only interested in her looks?

Different topic. I wasn't talking about what's wrong with HER; I'm talking about what wrong with a man who marries a woman for her looks for the sole purpose of making HIM look good.

Beyond that, I've only met a few (two that come to mind) men who either through actions, or their own presentation, gave the impression of one who would fuck anything that didn't run away fast enough. In both cases, (in my opinion) it was indeed compensation for self-esteem issues. Though it was a need to feel desired that I think motivated them. High school students are another issue all together. In high school I remember boys talking up thier sexual conquests, but frankly I don't really recall it (with above exceptions) since. I've had more conversations with male friends about thier inability to get laid then the opposite.

Maybe it's a Southern "good ol' boy" thing, then, because it's a quite prevalent attitude around here. At least on the surface, it is...and to me, how someone conducts themselves in public speaks a lot as to their true character. So if they don't want someone thinking they are really like that, it would behoove them to behave in a more civilized manner, wouldn't you think?

Oh, but what man would ever get up in a group of other men and proclaim he wasn't, like most of his peers, on a mission to screw every woman he could get his hands on? (Theoretically speaking, of course).

When men talk about their attraction to women, how often do you hear them say (in conversations particularly involving just men), instead of something like, "Nice rack; gee, Ima git me some of DAT!" and other such juvenile comments, saying something like "Wow, she's beautiful. I wonder if she'd want to go out with me?" (Or something similar; you know what I mean).

Sexual attraction is a given, and women's sexual yearnings for men are no different. But for the most part you don't see us going around slapping each other on our asses and saying, "OMG, getta a load of the unit on that guy!"

Why can't (so many) men be sexually attracted to women on more intelligent level?

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but a man who treats and talks to me with respect is going to get "lucky" with me a hell of a lot faster than one who says, "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

Jan 27 @ 10:49 AM Is it all about looks?

borachone

Posts: 1,462 Haven't seen your shoes yet but do have an insight into your mind visuality is not the only factor involved ---if a woman can't hold my attention with her thoughts and conversation then I won't be as attracted to her as I would be if she could or did beauty comes from within the rest is just window dressing

Jan 27 @ 11:08 AM Is it all about looks?

ynot7769

Posts: 17,358
Back to the topic, where are all of these knotched bed posts?

aint this tied to the fuck buddy term

Jan 27 @ 11:17 AM Is it all about looks?

sumdaysoon

Posts: 11,781
...although I must say YOU have a very nice rack. ;-)

ain't she sweet........that could be construed as a visual......yes......

Jan 27 @ 11:20 AM Is it all about looks?

aspiringwriter

Posts: 308
At least on the surface, it is...and to me, how someone conducts themselves in public speaks a lot as to their true character. So if they don't want someone thinking they are really like that, it would behoove them to behave in a more civilized manner, wouldn't you think?

I think that this really is the crux of the matter here. Men, by and large, do want (especially other men) thinking that they are primarily sexual creatures. The image that society has repeated to us over and over again is that of the male, looking for the next peice of ass, with the woman resisting until she can't take it anymore. I couldn't say how many men are, in deed, that simple vs how many of them are pretending to be (I think in many ways its similar to women who play the role of a ditzy, flighty girl). What else would they want people to think, that they are different? Different can be a scary thing for a lot of people.

Oh, but what man would ever get up in a group of other men and proclaim he wasn't, like most of his peers, on a mission to screw every woman he could get his hands on?

I've only seen this happen literally once. My closest male friend (I have two people that I would call my closest friends one is male, the other female). He's an odd duck, though and prides himself on that so that goes, in my mind more with the urge to conform theory. For the record, he wasn't standing up to proclaim, he was standing up (to get more booze) and proclaiming. The conversation was about porn though, and not sexual conquests.

With regards to men talking about women they were attracted to. Most of the conversations I've had with my male friends included personality as well as looks. Might just be me and the folks I'm likely to socialize with. To be honest though, as I think about it more, the message of "nice rack, I'mma hit that" tends to be communicated non-verbally. Though it's more of just the "nice rack" part. The "I'mma hit that" is something that only gets communicated to me in the sense of "I'm interested in her, so don't put the moves on her."

I thought about commenting on the "on a more intelligent level", but I really only had smartass quips about people's intelligence (or lack there of) and how little relating to human sexuality makes intelligent sense. But I know what you mean.

Jan 28 @ 8:01 PM Is it all about looks?

40yearoldvirgin

Posts: 455 Looks seem to be 90% of a relationship. Most people are not even going to bother to date someone who they are not physically attracted to. I've done some experiments online. I posted a pic of a male model on a popular site and acted like a total jerk. I got TONS of e-mails from women. I also put up a profile of and extremely hot women with a man hating attitude. She got TONS of e-mails.

Jan 28 @ 8:25 PM Is it all about looks?

aspiringwriter

Posts: 308
Interesting post 40, makes me want to run some of my own experiments. Speaking of experiments and attractiveness, a German group ran an experiment and found that people are most attracted to artificial people. They did a simple survey style experiment using real people's photos and computer generated photos and found that the real people couldn't measure up. Anyway, here's a link to the article.

Jan 28 @ 8:36 PM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 I don't think it's so much about "looks," as it is about attraction. There is a difference. I mentioned before that I've seen plenty...and I do mean PLENTY... of very handsome men whom I was not the least bit physically/sexually/romantically attracted to.

I think it's different for men, by and large, than it is for women. Give them a room full of hot/pretty women and they'll screw any one of 'em ....and all of them if they could. Hell, even an ugly one if they can tie a paper bag around her head and dim the lights.

Jan 28 @ 8:48 PM Is it all about looks?

40yearoldvirgin

Posts: 455 It's TRUE - the artificial chicks ARE better. I gotta get me a computer generated robochick!

Jan 28 @ 8:52 PM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 LOL. That's a common misconception. Just fyi, artificial chicks are not only not better, they aren't anywhere near as good as us real women...and I mean with respect to everything, not just sex.

Jan 28 @ 11:29 PM Is it all about looks?

aspiringwriter

Posts: 308
Just fyi, artificial chicks are not only not better
I couldn't say, I've never dated an artificial woman. All the ones I've been with were flesh and blood.

Give them a room full of hot/pretty women and they'll screw any one of 'em ....and all of them if they could.
Cynicism aside, I do think men are more looks oriented than women (on the whole), but personality is still a factor for men.

Jan 28 @ 11:49 PM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 Actually, for most men, it is the (w)hole that is the main motivating factor.

Jan 29 @ 9:38 AM Is it all about looks?

alybai42

Posts: 7,179
fuck buddy" does not truly *care* about that person

I don't do BF'S...I need to have a connection with the person in order to sleep with them...And feelings for them..

Jan 29 @ 9:45 AM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 same here. But I've heard many people insist that if you don't have a ring on your finger, or if you're not living with the guy or "going steady" (to use an antiquated term) then that means he's a "f*ck buddy." I disagree. To me, a f*ck buddy is just someone you don't really care anything about; they're just someone who is providing the necessary parts in order for you to facilitate your orgasm, basically. If I'm ever to the point I need an FB in my life, I'll just settle for a BOB. Much less hassle and no risk of emotional involvement.

Jan 29 @ 7:26 PM Is it all about looks?

40yearoldvirgin

Posts: 455 As a man I have a good sense of what Freud call the id. My id sure wants to bang all the babes. If women were attracted to me and I could get over my nearotic anxiety over it I would probably be going though women like a roll of paper towels! Or would my humanity stop me?? No way of knowing that I guess.

Jan 30 @ 8:10 AM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 why does your id want to "bang" (interesting, albeit violent, choice of word, which is another good topic for discussion) *all* the "babes" and go through them like "paper towels?" Yet another interesting analogy. In other words, women are something for you to wipe your "hands" on, then toss into the trash can.

But you did make a very poignant preface to your first sentence by saying, "As a MAN (caps added for emphasis), I ..."

The id is all about self-satisfaction with no concern for anything or anyone else. The id is identified in infancy because an infant looks to its parents or other caregivers to attend to its basic needs: Food, clothing, shelter, warmth, love and touch among them.

So it appears to me that men who have grown and matured seek to find a loving and nurturing and sexually satisfying relationship with one woman, who will idealistically reciprocate in kind.

Men who haven't grown and matured seek to find as many "babes to bang" as they can. Hmm.

Here's one suggestion that might help you get over your neurotic anxiety about women: start thinking of them as human beings, as intelligent, loving, caring women with a lot more to contend with than whether or not your id is getting its primitive needs met, and not as "babes" to bang or "paper towels" to use and toss aside.

Jan 30 @ 3:45 PM Is it all about looks?

aspiringwriter

Posts: 308
As a man I have a good sense of what Freud call the id.
We all have an id/ego/superego active. From other posts though, I get the sense that you have more of a hyperdeveloped superego rather than id.

lol, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a cliche is just a cliche.

So can we leave Freud dead and buried, now?

Though while we're talking about word choice:
To me, a f*ck buddy is just someone you don't really care anything about; they're just someone who is providing the necessary parts in order for you to facilitate your orgasm
I prefer the term fuck buddy to friends with benefits because to me FWB seems denigrate the concept of friendship (for me to call somebody a friend means that they have already given me (and vise-versa) some of the greatest benefits we can ask for in this life).
I haven't ever had a solely sexual relationship with somebody. I have, however, had relationships that didn't involve the same type of 'love' that I've felt with people who I would say I dated, or whom I would call 'ex-girlfriends'.
I find the English language quite inadequate in this respect. The word 'love' is forced into so many situations that it starts to lose its meaning. The (ancient) Greeks used atleast three words philia (familial/brotherly love), agape (a more generalized love of one's fellow man) and eros (erotic/romantic love/lust). Still this only begins to scratch the surface of the concept of love. Of course, I'd need hundreds of words to describe all the different types of relationships (in the broader sense of the term) that I've had.
Even as a grizzled misanthrope, I can't think of anybody I haven't cared for though. I just have too much agape.

Jan 30 @ 8:19 PM Is it all about looks?

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 516 I don't even like the term "friends with benefits" because it is basically just a way of saying, "I'm too scared/lazy/complacent/whatever to have a real relationship with a person and to make a commitment with that person, realizing that, along with the good comes the bad. I can screw them, spend whatever time I want with them--or not--and, when the going gets tough, I can get going."

Friends with Benefits Schmefits. FWB is a total copout relationship, if you ask me.

Frankly, I have more respect for drunken one-night stands than I do for so-called FWB "relationships." At least in the former case you can blame the alcohol for it.

page: << 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 >> of 6 pages < previous page | next page >

Main Sex Talk Is it all about looks?

| | | | | | | | | | |