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| Nov 23, 2006 @ 3:07 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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jay_lakeside
Posts: 10
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We know there are some married women on here looking for anything from a love affair to a Friends with benefits. Obviously, the same goes for married men. this question is for the single/divorce or even separated women.
Let's say a guy has a profile, clearly indicating he is married. Further communication yields that he still lives in the same house and doesn't intend to leave, but wants to fill both a physical and emotional void in his life.
Bottom line, you would be someone to either casually date or have a long term love affair with both emotion and sex. Under what circumstances would you date (ok we know we mean more than date), this man?
Do you feel safer with a married man? (STD, etc)
Is it simpler not to mess with the "dating" run around and simply have what you both want?
Do you find married men more willing to please you?
Is there an attraction to something you can't have...
Or, do you absolutely go bunny boiler and want to "out" any man you find who has the nerve to cheat on his wife?
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| Nov 23, 2006 @ 3:20 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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belle1010
Posts: 2,908
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I've considered it, i even talked to a man on this site about meeting. It didn't happen, and i'm very happy where i'm at right now. It's not something i would rule out, even though i don't agree with the concept of having an affair. I do realize there are married people that stay for a variety of reasons, and don't leave for those reasons.
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 4:43 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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Blueyesprkln
Posts: 300
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Been there done that have a few tshirts for it. Believe me it's not worth it. I was with one for 8 yrs. We both had feelings, but I told him to stay at home. I didn't think I could live with him, but cared about him very much. Then after a few years I changed my mind and wanted him to leave. He didn't. Broke my heart. He probably never intended to leave in the first place.
I never really considered it cheating, because I was with him first and he asked me to marry him, but I said no because I was having some other problems in my life at the time. He wouldn't wait on me to solve my problems and married someone else. He was knocking on my door 3 months later. I got to ask him for 6 yrs if he had gotten me back for turning him down.
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 5:50 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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anewwoman
Posts: 64
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My ex is the only married man i've ever been with. I knew he was cheating on me and it hurt when I found out. I'd never fool with a married man and put his wife through the pain I went through
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 7:18 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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hotlips12095
Posts: 490
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I only tried this once but at the time I didnt know he was married- I havent seen him since- I will NOT be the cause of a marraige breaking up- I've been on that end before and swore I wouldnt do it to another woman
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 8:56 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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JJN4Fun
Posts: 3,002
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Do you feel safer with a married man? (STD, etc)
Absolutely not. There's no safety in meeting a married man unless the kind of safey a woman seeks is no risk of commitment. And who says a married man can't pass on an STD? Who says his wife is being faithful to him? Who says you're the first and only? Nope, nothing safer about being with a married man...
Is it simpler not to mess with the "dating" run around and simply have what you both want?
Nope again. Dating a married man is even more complicated than dating as single man...Logistics - figuring out where to go (and worrying about being seen), working out a time (given he has commitments and obligations to his wife and maybe even a family)...many limitations to work around. Much less freedom in seeing a married man. Simpler? I think not!
Do you find married men more willing to please you?
Not necessarily. After all, he's having an affair for a reason (his satisfaction). It's an individual thing; some men are more attentive than others; being married has nothing to do with that...
Is there an attraction to something you can't have...
I address this one in a the "A woman with another woman's husband" thread (General). I believe - in most cases - the attraction is the man, not his ring.
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 12:18 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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tlc0766
Posts: 991
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In my younger days I fooled around with a married man, it was just sex when we had an oppurtunity, good sex I must say, but now that I am older and maybe a bit wiser, I have to say NO. I too have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband, that's how I ended up divorced and I am not going to do that to someone else.
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| Nov 25, 2006 @ 8:57 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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31sunshine
Posts: 77
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As a general rule I couldn't date a married man for sex or a relationship. I had a friends with benefits relationship with my ex husband after we divorced. During part of our FWB time he was dating someone else very regularly. I had a hard time looking her in the eyes, knowing what I was doing. It wasn't worth it. I got the 2nds and I'm worth more than that.
As for being safe....I have seen where it's actually a very unsafe thing becuase when a man is cheating on his wife, they tend to not be a choosy as they should.
Nope, wouldn't be worth it.
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| Nov 26, 2006 @ 5:13 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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happy_mom
Posts: 27
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After my divorce I had a short lived affair with a married man. I didn't want to do the club scene. We work together, were and still are very good friends. His wife and kids were away for 2 weeks. It was a Friday. He asked if I was doing anything that night. I said no. He asked if I would like to have dinner at a place we both knew and liked. At first I said no but he assured me it would be nothing more than dinner so I agreed. During dinner I saw a different side of him, a side that was sexy and outgoing. To make a long story short he stayed at my place that night and many nights after that. After a little over a month the guilt that had built up inside of me finally made me end it, as much as I hated to. He was a very caring and patient lover who stopped at nothing to make me happy which made it even harder. I see him 5 days a week but we don't discuss what happened yet remain friends. I doubt very much if I would ever be sexual with a married man again
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| Nov 26, 2006 @ 4:33 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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ibsassy
Posts: 1
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Speaking as a woman who is divorced because my husband cheated on me, I may be the only one to answer this differently than most. I have had 3 great relationships with married men. It depends what your looking for I guess. For me, my work and personal life keep me so busy any other relationship can be difficult because of the time restraints. The men I have been with treat me like a queen. We go into it very open and very up front about what we both want from the relationship. For me, it's perfect. I get the best of them in the time that I have them and then we kiss and part until we meet again.
Sorry girls...this may make some of you angry...just being honest!
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| Nov 26, 2006 @ 5:22 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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Sunshinegal35
Posts: 639
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I dated a married man for almost a year. The sex with him was fantastic, but we hit it off in so many other areas, too. If he hadn't been married, we would have been together. You know, one of THOSE kind of relationships. He was very honest and up front with me about his situation. He told me there was no way he could leave, and that didn't bother me because I wasn't really looking for something permanent at the time.
As our fling progressed though, his attitude toward me changed. I became the one to "use and abuse". He would call me up and expect me to say "how high" when he said "jump". One time he had me drive two hours one way to a hotel, to have sex, and then he freaked out afterwards and said, "I can't do this. Here, how about I take you to dinner and then you go on home?" Almost like he was paying a hooker for her services!
I realize that not all men are the same, and I'm not lumping all married men into a "category". However, after the above experience I decided I wouldn't see married men anymore. I just didn't want to put myself into the position of possibly being used. 
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| Nov 26, 2006 @ 5:50 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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Looking4ever
Posts: 9,654
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My feeling when it comes to an affair with a married man...I am worth more than that. So, no. But, I know, each situation and man is different. But, not as Lakeside would have it, safer or easier. A lot riskier and a lot more difficult. Too many married men think it is only them taking the risks. That's crap! They are usually the ones that are getting the best of everything.
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| Nov 26, 2006 @ 9:41 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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JJN4Fun
Posts: 3,002
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ibsassy, you can' t get all that from an unmarried man?
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| Nov 27, 2006 @ 11:13 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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decaturnooner
Posts: 364
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One of the greatest threads ever. Thanks for the insights and opinions! 
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| Nov 27, 2006 @ 11:28 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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ponme
Posts: 1,929
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Married men are safe. There are no expectations of you, you don't have to wash his underwear or fold his socks. You don't have to nurse him when he is sick.. it's easy.
On a general basis I won't indulge in a married man whose wife is not privy to the information (no desire to be in the midst of a nasty divorce proceeding or be hunted by an angry wife), but.. occassionally... the emotional boost with no expectations can be a very very good thing.
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| Nov 27, 2006 @ 12:00 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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JJN4Fun
Posts: 3,002
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but.. occassionally... the emotional boost with no expectations can be a very very good thing
True this...both can have some cake and eat it, too...
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| Nov 27, 2006 @ 12:09 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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Guiltless
Posts: 233
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Boy this is a change from the usual "We must hate all married med who cheat" thread that is usually posted here.
Refreshing to hear there are some people who have experienced this and not had the world end or the devil come a callin' the next morning.
Being married is a double edged sword. We all hope that the person we married is the one we stay with for a lifetime. Truth is that people change. All people Married, In relationships, single. As time progresses we all Grow. whether we grow together or apart remains the issue.
People fall in love, get married and with time either they change, or their spouse changes, and what looked so exciting and permanent initially becomes something less than whet was expected.
Divorce? Sure, and leave HALF your personal assets behind. Be alienated from your children. Be burdened with a child support payment and possibly alimony money each month. Habe your credit ruined, or at the very least expect some difficult times getting a loan (as your name is probably on an existing Mortgage, and car note, and let's not forfet those Support and alimony payments which will show up on your future credit reports)
Is that a good case for cheating. NO. but it is certainly understandable. Again it's refreshing to hear women from the real world speak to this subject.
Excellent thread!
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| Nov 27, 2006 @ 12:19 PM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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bandengor
Posts: 7,299
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Guiltless, you said it all. well, nearly all. There are a few other considerations too, but those are my own private issues.
Good post, though
Great thread.
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| Dec 1, 2006 @ 12:15 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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LadyMaura
Posts: 25
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Under what circumstances would you date (ok we know we mean more than date), this man? Under NO circumstance. Being with a married man doesn't validate a woman's sexual prowess. Infact it just shows her that she seems to want what she can't have. I wouldn't never lower My standards and be with a man that's being emotionally and physically unfaithful to his partner that he promised himself to.
Do you feel safer with a married man? (STD, etc) No! If he's cheating on his wife with Me than he's definitely cheating with other women as well.
Is it simpler not to mess with the "dating" run around and simply have what you both want? Everything is complicated when someone who's enjoying the tryst has a ring. Nothing is easier or complication free.
Do you find married men more willing to please you? I find them more desperate to get what they want. They're overeager to be with someone other than their wife.
Is there an attraction to something you can't have... No doubt.
Or, do you absolutely go bunny boiler and want to "out" any man you find who has the nerve to cheat on his wife? Yes, I do. I made the mistake to be with a married man when I was in high school. He made so many promises, told Me his wife was emotionally unavailable that they were never intimate. Told Me that his life was falling apart and he just needed someone that would listen to him. Bottom line it was a load of steaming horse shit. His wife was completely head over heels in love with him and would have done anything to make him happy. He was just a very bored man and as soon as I learned the error of My ways he moved on to someone new. I think if men go into a marriage with the intention to cheat then what the hell is the point (women too)!! There are no excuses to be made. If you want to cheat you need to address that. You need to tell your wife so they can make the decision for themselves about whether they want to stay with someone that is seeking sex outside the bedroom. Give your spouse the option to leave your ass or to address your issues. Communication is missing in most relationships that sour, if people talked more problems would be less.
What's so hard with people being faithful and why do they find all these reasons not to be? For better or worse, right?
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| Dec 1, 2006 @ 2:45 AM |
Married men??? questions for women |
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Dominus
Posts: 511
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Am I the only one here to point out that the whole debate focuses on the assumtion that all people are monogamous? That there aren't other ways to live?
The whole start of this implies that there are only three states: Married, single and cheating. That's hardly the spectrum, now is it?
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