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What are thoughts on this situation?


Nov 12, 2008 @ 8:22 PM What are thoughts on this situation?    
swgrl7708


Posts: 1
I met a couple who are married and been in the swinging lifestyle for quite sometime. They are very secure in their marriage and with each other. They talk about everything together. I began seeing the husband who we will call "Tom" quite frequently. His wife- "Erika" was fine with it. There were even times when all 3 of us were together. "Erika" and I would even hang out- go shopping, watch movies etc..From what "Tom" told me she really liked & respected me. I felt the same way about her.

Recently, "Tom" shared that he had developed feelings for me-more then just friends with benefits. "Tom" and "Erika" already discussed this and have decided if my feelings are mutual "Erika" does not have an issue with us exploring what could come of this situation. "Erika" also is seeking a relationship outside of her marriage from "Tom."

I do have feelings for "Tom" which I began to realize a couple of months of ago. At that time I put it out of my mind, because I knew there wasn't anything that could come of my feelings. Then all of this came..

Needless to say I am a bit confused....Has anyone experienced/been in a similar situation or have any advice they can offer?
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Nov 14, 2008 @ 11:42 PM What are thoughts on this situation?    
NJBaldByChoice


Posts: 3
I have experience with polyamory.

Look here's the thing... it's difficult to have frequent sex with someone and not develop feelings.

However this is a married couple. I think most married couples get into the swinging lifestyle with the understanding that they won't develop serious emotional connections with their added companions.

You need to try to imagine this following through to its logical conclusion:

You and Tom have feelings. So does he leave his wife? Divorce her?

What happens with you and Tom? Does he decide the white house and picket fence with you is now what he wants? Think he won't start to yearn for the polyamorous lifestyle again? If he does and you agree, what are the chances that he and the new companion start to have feelings?

My opinion, and this is without knowing anyone involved from Adam... step away. Tom, great a guy as he may be, cannot maintain loyalty and dedication regardless of lifestyle choices. Is this a guy you want to break up a marriage over?

Best of luck.

Bill
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Nov 17, 2008 @ 8:32 PM What are thoughts on this situation?    
Dmansatisfyu


Posts: 1
When you are with someone and enjoy their company you do get feelings for them. I have feelings for a FWB that I see only now and then, but chat with often. She is great and I enjoy her happiness when she has a new "friend" in her life. She is also a submissive and I have explored my dom side with her and have enjoyed that. But I care about her in a non possessive way. We are both married and love our spouses, but enjoy our special friendship. I do not get much physical attention at home, but emotionally it is wonderful. So I enjoy my time with others, and care about them and their happiness, but would not look for a long term relationship with them and would hope they are not looking for one with me.
Some questions you need to ask yourself include:
Can you share this person for the rest of your life?
Does this person meet your emotional needs?
Are you fine with the marriage continuing while you have a relationship with him?
Just some thoughts for you. Do not know if they will help, but I was given similar advice once.

Take care of yourself,

D.
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