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Pondering Attraction...


Oct 4, 2006 @ 12:38 AM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
Think about it...if you are secure with yourself and have a high self-worth, would you be attracted to a person who didn't think highly of themself? I'm not talking about ego, or conceit. These things are outward barriers. I mean true confidence that you are exactly who and what and where you are meant to be.

Although I agree with this to an extent, I can see the error in this way of thinking. I don't agree with how you explained true confidence. Forgive me if I'm taking this out of context, but true confidence (to me) is more about feeling comfortable in one's own skin than knowing that you are who, what, and where you are meant to be. People spend a lifetime trying to figure that out! I can tell you I don't know all that for myself yet! But I'm very comfortable with who I am, where I am, and what I am...for now; who knows what direction my furture will go?

I also am not so sure about your idea that a person who has high self-esteem wouldn't be attracted to someone who doesn't; if attraction is not something we can control within ourselves, that is to general a statement. Indeed, some people are attracted to those with poor self-images; not always for healthy reasons, but they're out there. Plenty of them.
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 7:49 AM Pondering Attraction...    
sundance64


Posts: 1,581
Thanks Sexze...I was trying to put thoughts to words, and was having a hard time last night. Comfortable in your own skin...that's closer to what I was thinking. A confident person will attract confident people. Well, I suppose a confident person will attract alot of people, but I still maintain that when you are "comfortable in your own skin", you will be attracted more to others with a higher self-worth. I suppose I also thinking "in a perfect world", but that's just me!
Indeed, some people are attracted to those with poor self-images; not always for healthy reasons, but they're out there. Plenty of them.
hmmmm....these people may portray a high self-esteem, but if you think about it, a person who is looking for an unhealthy relationship isn't healthy themself.
oh hell...it's too early in the morning for this Sxze! Maybe we can discuss it later when I've had some coffee! You're a smart lady and I enjoy 'listening' to you!
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 10:27 AM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
A confident person will attract confident people.
Now that I can agree with all the way...a much better way to say it, thank you :)

What I meant about some people being attracted to those with lower self-esteem or a poor self-image is that some people are nurturers who see the vulnerability and want to protect and/or help. But, there are also those who are attracted for more sinister reasons - to take advantage of, abuse, or just to make themselves feel better. And, I also think that some people may be attracted to those with lower self-esteem because they see other qualities they do like - say, inteligence, compassion, a good sense of humor. Low self-esteem - though not a good thing - isn't necessarily like having a communicable disease; people don't walk on other side of the street when they see someone with low self-esteem walking toward them. And let's not forget - some people are very good at hiding their low self-esteem by emphasizing something else - a hot body, for example. How many women do I know who look fabuous but feel like shit about themselves - and you'd never know it unless you got really close to them? Several. Lots. And I think it's more common for women than for men...but that's just my opinion!
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 10:50 AM Pondering Attraction...    
sundance64


Posts: 1,581
I guess I'm thinking more of extreme cases...or maybe just people who have low self-esteem and don't bother to hide it...they whine about being fat or skinny or whatever...and then wonder why they can't find a good relationship. I agree it is more common in women than men...
I remember going to a male strip club in Windsor a few years ago...lots of dancers, full nudity. There were some guys with great bodies...HUGE cocks...nice moves..etc, etc...
One of the dancers was...average. Average looks, average cock, average looking body. But when he got on stage...he looked like he was enjoying himself so much, that I thought he was the sexiest man in the place! He could have kept all his clothes on, and I would've been turned on! Confidence! Plain and simple! And yes, he did buy me a drink after the show!
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 11:30 AM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
they whine about being fat or skinny or whatever...and then wonder why they can't find a good relationship
Oh gawd, don't get me started on that! LOL

Your point about the "average" stripper proves your point though; the confident attitidue he projected was appealing to you; the same thing appeals to me, too :) And I think that helps to explain why I've attracted some of the men I have (meaning, hotties :)...men who others didn't think would go out with me because they dont' think I'm attractive enough.

I'm fairly confident and positive person and I think my upbeat disposition - and my ability to hold an intelligent conversation - is what draws men (people) to me...making my physical appearance less important. But then what I've gotten is, "He's going out with you?" (Yeah, people have said that to me, to my face!) They question his attraction to me based on phyical appearances. I guess the world is just full of shallow people...

Re: why male strippers bought us drinks; I don't know about you but I'm thinking on this end it was becasue I didn't act a fool and was pleasant to talk with...
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 11:47 AM Pondering Attraction...    
sundance64


Posts: 1,581
I'm fairly confident and positive person and I think my upbeat disposition - and my ability to hold an intelligent conversation - is what draws men (people) to me...making my physical appearance less important. But then what I've gotten is, "He's going out with you?" (Yeah, people have said that to me, to my face!) They question his attraction to me based on phyical appearances. I guess the world is just full of shallow people...

Hey...if I was a man, I'd do ya!


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Oct 4, 2006 @ 12:00 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
Aren't you just so sweet! :)
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 4:08 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,351
Hey...if I was a man, I'd do ya!

Ummm there's no hard fast rule that it has to be a man/woman thing... girl/girl can be nice. More to the point......
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Oct 4, 2006 @ 7:48 PM Pondering Attraction...    
ponme


Posts: 1,924
"He's going out with you?" (Yeah, people have said that to me, to my face!)

No one ever had balls enough to say that to my face but they have said it to my friends before. Why is that gorgeous man going out with HER? To which my pals usually replied.. you don't know her yet do you?

Attraction.. yeah I think in a way we do control who we are attracted to. Past experience colors our judgements and perceptions so yeah, the things we do affect who we will be attracted to. I know we choose who we will be serious about.
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Oct 5, 2006 @ 4:11 AM Pondering Attraction...    
bigwoody37211


Posts: 7
for many people, they're not attracted to the "inner" but rather, the "outer". So by changing the outer appearance - if it it's just a mask - yes, you can change who is attracted to you.

I guess I'd have to agree with this statement, but I'm curious to know - is this before or after someone opens his/her mouth? Are you talking about physical appearance and attitude only?

both. someone can change their outward appearance without saying a word with any number of stereo-typical looks (the "geek", the "jock", the "woodsmen/hunter", the "business man", the "GQ", etc etc etc) - and by that alone, before every speaking a word - they can possibly attract people to them that otherwise, with a different persona - they might not be able to. by "outward appearance" - i don't mean only what you wear, but also how you carry yourself - can you make your mannerisms match the outfit.

now, that at least you've caught someone's interest that you would not have previously - then it's a matter of can you BS your way through walking the walk.

don't get me wrong, all of the above is absolute and total BS. It's a game. For anyone that has to resort to that - it's a sham. It's one thing to attract a person, ...and another thing to keep them.

But in so far as "can we control who is attracted to us" - at least initially, and to a degree, if we have the skill and ability to BS to pull it off (personally, i do not) - then yes, i believe it's totally possible.
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Oct 5, 2006 @ 3:53 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,351
Oh Sunny-D don't misunderstand, I'm not insecure, I know who I am, what I'm all about. I'm my big fan and favorite cheerleader.... I just hang out in the wrong places to meet stable women. I realize this, I see no end in site either. I like being me
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Oct 5, 2006 @ 4:02 PM Pondering Attraction...    
saxman2005


Posts: 28
I have been attracted to many different types of women, obviously there is physical attraction, but to be honest there has to be more than that, there have been many physically beautiful women I have known that I have not been attracted to in the least because of personal incompatibility. And you are right when you say we can't control who we are attracted to, but we are in control of how we handle it.
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Oct 5, 2006 @ 8:05 PM Pondering Attraction...    
sundance64


Posts: 1,581
Oh Sunny-D don't misunderstand, I'm not insecure, I know who I am, what I'm all about. I'm my big fan and favorite cheerleader.... I just hang out in the wrong places to meet stable women. I realize this, I see no end in site either. I like being me
Canu...I didn't mean to imply that you are insecure, I really try to stay away from making judgements like that of others. I apologize if I said anything like that or came across that way. I was only making an observation based on my own personal experience. You actually seem to be very well 'put together'!
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Oct 7, 2006 @ 3:05 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,351
Ok, no harm, no foul. sunny-D On a bbs like this, with ten or so side conversations, it gets confusing.

I've been pondering attraction since this post came up, not why certain types are attracted to me, that much is moot point, they are, I'm not changing me, I like me! I have been curious as to why certain things catch my eye. I still can't answer myself.
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Oct 7, 2006 @ 11:09 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
I have been curious as to why certain things catch my eye.

I've thought about this a lot lately (oh yes, I started this thead!)...

I'm thinking about "types"...what is my type? People always ask. And even though I can say I have a "type", when I review the men I've loved and lusted for in my life, there isn't any kind of common theme - not in physical attributes or ethnicities, not in personality, not in intelligence...the men in my life are dotted along a continuum. I have no real type. I do, however, have strong likes - preferences, if you must. Is my type the top one on each category? Favorite hair color, favorite eye color, etc? I have no idea!


Okay, just had a thought...right after I posted this a new wink appeared on my screen. I went to look and it was a man with long blonde hair holding a guitar. My type, just generally speaking? Yes, most definately. (One of them, anyway!) But what's wild is that I've heard from a lot of musicians - mostly guitarists. There is nothing in my profile that really indicates this might be my type - so how is it that I seem to be attracting them? I grew up around musicians - my brother was in (has been in) a band since I was about 8. He plays guitar...so....is there something about me that silently "says" this that I attract this kind of man? I'd like an answer please!?! :)
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Oct 8, 2006 @ 7:20 AM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,351
Some things go without saying. For instance, Auburn hair will always catch my eye. Why? I lost my virginity to a vixen with red hair. Heavy eyeliner on the other hand, I can’t explain that one, is it the attention it draws to the eyes? Does it remind me of a long past era? I may never know, I lie being introverted at times, but other times, I’m not sure I want to walk down those dark streets inside of me.

I’m not so certain that confident people attract other confident people. That would suggest that controlling personalities attract other controlling personalities, we all know that won’t mix. I know from personal experience though, shy uncertain people will not walk up to you, in a social setting and start the conversation, they will however give you approving looks and you catch them stealing glances. Damn it goes right back to eyes huh?
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Oct 8, 2006 @ 2:35 PM Pondering Attraction...    
belle1010


Posts: 2,944
Hmmmmm Canu, do those red heads have to be natural red heads?

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I've figured out that I don't have a "type" either. I'm attracted to certain qualities individuals possess. I am attracted to intelligent, confident men that have a sense of humor. Physical beauty (and yes men have this too) is not as important to me as the other qualities listed. I can't say physical attraction doesn't matter, because lets face it folks, it does. Physical attraction is subjective, and different for everyone. One of the reasons i love this internet shit is that i often have to get to know someone for who they are and not what they look like. Pictures are often decieving, or even downright fake, as some of us (whose cocks have been stolen) know. My point (if I even have one) is that as i age i want a man that is still going to stimulate me mentally, because lord knows the physical is going to wrinkle and sag, lol.
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Oct 8, 2006 @ 5:20 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,351
Hmmmmm Canu, do those red heads have to be natural red heads?
You need help with the right shade?
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Oct 8, 2006 @ 5:46 PM Pondering Attraction...    
belle1010


Posts: 2,944
Sure, have any suggestions? I'm a natural blonde(gasp)but my hair has been red since i was about 16. My ex's son used to tell me i had artificial intelligence .
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Oct 9, 2006 @ 10:04 AM Pondering Attraction...    
heresnancy


Posts: 150
I think we can control who we're attracted to. There can be an attraction but if the chemistry isn't there then the attraction can be controlled. If someone is attracted to you then that's a different story. Other than telling them your not attracted to them there's really not much you can do
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