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Pondering Attraction...


Sep 13, 2006 @ 11:55 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
Can we control who we are attracted to? And by that same token, can we control who we attract? Anyone have thoughts on this?
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Sep 14, 2006 @ 9:48 AM Pondering Attraction...    
decaturnooner


Posts: 371
I did we would like to think we have control but in reality we don't.

For instance I am attracted to the mind, personality and confidence. Although you can tell by the way a woman walks about the way she feels about herself, you have to have conversations (physical or electronic) with them to explore their mind and personality. If she has 2 of the 3 criteria, my radar is stimulated. If she has all 3, the craving begins!

Can I control it? Physically, yes. Mentally, no.

Can I control who I attract? I think so. If I seize to be who I am then I am just not much of a draw. I think are senses are in tune to who a person is suppose to be, not who he/she wants to be. If I am not who I am, then my selling points aren't valid. I think I can ward off anyone if I really wanted to.

Those are my two cents for early in the morning.
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Sep 14, 2006 @ 1:21 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
Now see, I would have expected a man to say that he could control it mentally but not physically. Perhaps I'm being sexist and stereotyping... But I have to agree, attraction is not something we can control; we can only control what we do about it.

However, I don't necessarily agree that we can control who we attract...at least, not without making a very conscious effort. If attraction is natural - as I think it is - you can't stop someone from being attracted to you...you can only influence what they do about it.

Have you ever been attracted to someone you didn't like?
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Sep 14, 2006 @ 2:25 PM Pondering Attraction...    
decaturnooner


Posts: 371
Of course I have...

I can't stand Anne Coulter but there is something about her that just make me want to have her on her knees in front of me. I can't explain it at all but that is what makes it fun to think about as well.

If we could explain things, we could control them.

Regarding who we attract, I tend to sense who is and isn't attractive to me. If my radar isn't off then I have the ability to control the attraction and even the actions.

Maybe you are right though - maybe only my ego can't handle knowing I can't control everything.

Go read my blog!
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Sep 22, 2006 @ 5:46 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,352
I'm an oddity, I admit that much. I don't have a "type". When I see a woman, I take the whole of her, than look for her most attractive qualities, hair, eyes, smile, or body, past band memebers (read as idiots I've fired) I've called me indescriminant, hell they may be right I don't know anymore.
If I'm not on a stage abusing an instrument (doing that simple act places a guy in a different standing with women) I attract drama queens, loons, or just very insecure women, there are exceptions, but that seems to be my fate.
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Sep 22, 2006 @ 9:32 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
You bring up an interesting point - attracting certain types. I think Dominus would probably say that there is something about us - something we're doing (or not doing) that draws certain personality types to us. I think :)

I have noticed that I attract a very different kind of man online than I do face-to-face, and I'm not sure why that is...Anyone?
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Sep 22, 2006 @ 9:44 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,352
That begs the question: How much does your online persona differ from your true personality.
Most of us behave slightly different online, I tend to be more enegmatic, aboout certain areas of myself online than in real life.
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Sep 22, 2006 @ 10:36 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
I have a hard time not being myself - anywhere in any situation. Sometimes it a good thing; sometimes it's not :) Meeting me in person simply means you get to know me in 3-D. WYSIWYG!
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Sep 29, 2006 @ 9:20 PM Pondering Attraction...    
belle1010


Posts: 2,944
I have found the same thing SxzeBBW, that i attract a different type of man here than i would in real life. I think part of it is that i express myself more honestly online. It's very unlikely that i'm going to actually meet any of the people i interact with online in person. I am not emotionally invested, therefore i don't care as much about what others think of me.

I agree that we can't control who we are attracted to, there are certain qualities in other people that we gravitate toward. Like decatur i'm attracted to personality first, even if i find someone physically attractive if they open their mouth and nothing remotely intelligent comes out, i'm outta there. Confidence and conviction of their beliefs are other qualities i'm attracted to.
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Sep 29, 2006 @ 10:43 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
I think part of it is that i express myself more honestly online.

I'd like to think that I express myself equally honestly online as I do in person - and the for the most part I think I do. What is different is that I have to take more into consideration in person, so I most certainly do monitor what I say (or how I say it) more closely with offline interactions than with online interactions.

However, I tend to approach most online relationships the same way I do face-to-face relationships. I happen to know you can be come very good friends with someone over the internet, and you just might end up meeting...one never knows (after 3 years, my Australian pen pal decided to meet me, so...) I certainly hope to meet some of the friends I'm making here...wouldn't it be awesome to have a party??? :)
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Sep 29, 2006 @ 11:02 PM Pondering Attraction...    
belle1010


Posts: 2,944
I didn't mean to imply that i'm dishonest in my face-to-face interactions, because i'm not. I'm not as likely to just say whatever it is i'm thinking in person, i guess i'm more guarded, introverted might be a better word. Online I can say whatever i'm thinking and not worry about repercussions.
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Sep 30, 2006 @ 12:36 AM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
No, Belle - I understood...sorry! I didn't mean to imply that you were less than honest! Sorry, sweetie!
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Sep 30, 2006 @ 1:02 AM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,352
In cyber space you get two things to attract people, your picture, and your personality. Mostly on sites like this, a lot of people spend more time reading the words (some even do it silently, others have to mumble along) typed than looking at the picture. If you attract certain types online, it's probobly because of the unique person you are inside. In my neck of the woods I attract loons, flakes, and crazies. I also end up crucified as the town villian. Online I meet some really cool peoples!
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Sep 30, 2006 @ 11:53 PM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
Online I meet some really cool peoples!

Indeed, you have! ;)
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Oct 2, 2006 @ 4:29 PM Pondering Attraction...    
canuhelpme258


Posts: 3,352
I need to add see-n-says to my list of people in the real world....
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Oct 2, 2006 @ 11:15 PM Pondering Attraction...    
bigwoody37211


Posts: 7
can you control who you're attracted to - probably not - but as others said, you can control how you act about it - and what impulses you act on.

can you control who is attracted to you? yes and no. if you mean can you control who is attracted to the "real inner you" - no, you can't. but most people put up a facade, a mask - and that mask - depending on your level of skill and willing to experiment, can very easily be changed. you can change your demeanor (even if not in heart, but just for play, like you're acting out a role), you can change your mannerisms, you can change your look (hair, clothes, car, etc).

for many people, they're not attracted to the "inner" but rather, the "outer". So by changing the outer appearance - if it it's just a mask - yes, you can change who is attracted to you.

Now, once you show yourself for who you really are - can you then hold onto the person that you've attracted with your fake personality - ahhhh - that's a different question entirely.
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Oct 3, 2006 @ 10:38 AM Pondering Attraction...    
JJN4Fun


Posts: 2,999
for many people, they're not attracted to the "inner" but rather, the "outer". So by changing the outer appearance - if it it's just a mask - yes, you can change who is attracted to you.

I guess I'd have to agree with this statement, but I'm curious to know - is this before or after someone opens his/her mouth? Are you talking about physical appearance and attitude only?
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Oct 3, 2006 @ 11:19 AM Pondering Attraction...    
ynot7769


Posts: 20,639
disagree....changing outward appearance and you may get hit on by a different type..BUT if you're an asshole your STILL an asshole
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Oct 3, 2006 @ 10:58 PM Pondering Attraction...    
sundance64


Posts: 1,581
If I'm not on a stage abusing an instrument (doing that simple act places a guy in a different standing with women) I attract drama queens, loons, or just very insecure women, there are exceptions, but that seems to be my fate.
I love these forums!!
One of the things i've picked up along the way is the realization that as long as I'm insecure and have a low self-esteem, I will attract people who are insecure and have low self-esteem. Think about it...if you are secure with yourself and have a high self-worth, would you be attracted to a person who didn't think highly of themself? I'm not talking about ego, or conceit. These things are outward barriers. I mean true confidence that you are exactly who and what and where you are meant to be.
By that same token, when I am secure with myself, I attract secure, strong and confident men, and the ones who are insecure tend to shy away from me.
So, take it however you want to read it, but for me at least it tends to be true.
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Oct 3, 2006 @ 11:12 PM Pondering Attraction...    
OdysseusMI


Posts: 520
Nice observation Sundance, and something I agree with.

Something else to ponder is how we've been socialized. I really think that attraction has a lot to do with who we were surrounded by in your youth, how we were treated by our parents (someof that might ave something to do with the security issues you mentioned Sundance) and peers, and what we learned about love through our travels in life. All of those things go into how we shape in our minds eye the type of person we find attractive.
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