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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER


Apr 19, 2007 @ 11:49 AM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
HollyHummy


Posts: 3,512
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the number 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life, bottom line, and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get" punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to be with.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing. "So think about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.


QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important
thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc.? How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you can not expect to behave kindly towards people who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE... There are some people in your life that need to be
loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who ge
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Apr 19, 2007 @ 1:34 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Natgoat


Posts: 1,479
The Lady Strikes....Again...!!!
How much do you charge..per session, Darlin'...???
{You ARE a Psychologist...Are you Not..??}
I am looking or another Life-Partner....
The 1st one grew apart from me.... became a piece of Furniture... and a Paycheck.
The 2nd would've lasted _Forever_....if she hadn't destroyed herself with Alcohol....
The Next......well.....there IS Potential...!!!
'Life Partner' is a good title.....I would include 'Marriage' into my equation...
Only If....Absolutely...Every Factor ...was Ideal...for Both of us...!!!
I'm _Hoping_ for a 100 / 100 LTR...!!! . . 50/50 just doesn't Cut It...!!!
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Apr 19, 2007 @ 1:36 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Natgoat


Posts: 1,479
*EDIT* . . :
" *_I_*...became a piece of Furniture....."
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Apr 19, 2007 @ 4:24 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Argit01


Posts: 239
Reposted from an old blog of mine
Things I will never do
1) I will not post any blogs telling people on this or any other site what great sex I have had with another member.
2) I will not reveal any confidences
3) I will not post blogs asking for sexual suggestions
4) I will never not allow the people I meet not to walk out of my life if they choose to do so for whatever reason.
5) I will never try to change some one or force my opinions on them
Things I will do
1) I will always maintain a persons self esteem and respect their dignity
2) I will never make negative comments about anyone
3) I will try to make sure that if I meet someone from this or any other site that they have an enjoyable time
4) I will allow the person who chooses to spend time with me freedom of expression
If I have broken any of these rules then I deserve to be chastised and cast out.

I know Crissy is the woman I am supposed to be with as I feel totally relaxed in expressing myself to her and I know deep in my soul that I love her without doubts. The only thing I would wish to change is her negative self image as she is as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside.
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Apr 19, 2007 @ 5:26 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
TomJ4458


Posts: 262
Much to think about Holly, and much you have given to be thought of. I think that we all like to think that we have insight and are sensitive to others, but alas that is not always the case as life gets in the way all too often. I do not want to trivialize this with a one liner and would like to have time to reflect on what you have said as to how it pertains to me. Yes, I think that I value enlightenment and self improvement over comfort, yes, I would like to believe that I do fit all those wonderfull qualities to the fullest extant that I can. I do try, but I am human and fraught with all the inequities that implies.

I am by no means perfect, but I do strive to bring out the best in myself no matter how tired and full of self doubt I can be.

Too, these are very good observances to the human condition, be they man or woman and we should really pay heed to what we see and hear more so than rely on blind faith in the other. I like what you have said as it causes me introspection and perhaps a bit of calm that I am not the only one seeking something more than the chemical reaction of love/lust.
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Apr 19, 2007 @ 5:35 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
ynot7769


Posts: 20,639
*EDIT* . . :
" *_I_*...became a piece of Furniture....."

man that must realy SUCK....
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Apr 20, 2007 @ 9:29 AM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Natgoat


Posts: 1,479
It DID suck..!!! I paid all the Big bills...and she had her magazines, dolls and books...
I had to get money from her to go Golfing..!!
The divorce took a year and a half..
The 2nd marriage was Spectacular...but short...
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Apr 22, 2007 @ 12:05 AM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
theonlytruelove5469


Posts: 8
its hard for me to find that...
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May 5, 2007 @ 11:55 AM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
openheartlover2007


Posts: 1
Hello I have gone through your profile I think you possess some of the qualities Iook for in a man....Don't get me wrong I don't think I am asking for too much sweetie.I am just being open minded and pragmatic.I don't like to bottle up my feelings.Listen.I like to come out straight....

One of the most important qualities that I look for in a Man is character. What I mean by this is, a Man who can be many things depending on the situation. If we are at a club he is comfortable there. If we are at a black tie affair he can mingle with confidence. He must be fun and adventurous. I have to be able to trust him without a doubt and he must be able to trust me without a doubt. he MUST have a very strong sexuality and yet know how to focus it towards one woman (me). Don`t just make love to me, make love to my mind. Sex is both an art, form and another means of communication. Love is both a verb and a feeling. The mind is one of the most erotic parts of the body. If you could stimulate my mind then you could stimulate me. This is a hard quality to find in a woman. I am looking for more than just an intimate encounter, I am looking for someone to take control of my soul, to taste the flavor of my excitement, someone that, just by his touch or words makes my body quivers, someone who is open minded, creative, adventurous and spontaneous. Someone who is gentle yet aggressive, sexy and ravenous yet romantic, playful and confident, I love to be pleased. I am hungry, come feed me if you can.
I am a very open minded person and very accepting. When it comes to a man that I care about I am affectionate and passionate. I LOVE TO KISS .


I will like you to write me through this Email : {email address removed} then I will tell you more about me and get to send you my pics too,Okay?
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May 5, 2007 @ 12:07 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Rocco1981


Posts: 18
I always thought people just "settled" with the person they end up with for the rest of their life. I'm still young so I guess I have a long way to go until I actually believe that there is such a thing as "the one".
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May 5, 2007 @ 1:00 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
longbow371


Posts: 131
Hello I have gone through your profile I think you possess some of the qualities Iook for in a man....Don't get me wrong I don't think I am asking for too much sweetie.I am just being open minded and pragmatic.I don't like to bottle up my feelings.Listen.I like to come out straight....

One of the most important qualities that I look for in a Man is character. What I mean by this is, a Man who can be many things depending on the situation. If we are at a club he is comfortable there. If we are at a black tie affair he can mingle with confidence. He must be fun and adventurous. I have to be able to trust him without a doubt and he must be able to trust me without a doubt. he MUST have a very strong sexuality and yet know how to focus it towards one woman (me). Don`t just make love to me, make love to my mind. Sex is both an art, form and another means of communication. Love is both a verb and a feeling. The mind is one of the most erotic parts of the body. If you could stimulate my mind then you could stimulate me. This is a hard quality to find in a woman. I am looking for more than just an intimate encounter, I am looking for someone to take control of my soul, to taste the flavor of my excitement, someone that, just by his touch or words makes my body quivers, someone who is open minded, creative, adventurous and spontaneous. Someone who is gentle yet aggressive, sexy and ravenous yet romantic, playful and confident, I love to be pleased. I am hungry, come feed me if you can.
I am a very open minded person and very accepting. When it comes to a man that I care about I am affectionate and passionate. I LOVE TO KISS .


I will like you to write me through this Email : {email address removed} then I will tell you more about me and get to send you my pics too,Okay?



And I got all excited thinking you'd spent all that time just to write to me
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May 6, 2007 @ 2:08 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
kkatydid


Posts: 2
First rhetoric on a life partner.......wtf does marriage have to do with it (question 5)? Is marriage a requirement for someone to be my life partner ????
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May 6, 2007 @ 10:21 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
ynot7769


Posts: 20,639
Is marriage a requirement for someone to be my life partner ????


it ain't?
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May 6, 2007 @ 10:52 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
LJRite69


Posts: 12
You are looking for a needle in a haystack on this one, there are NO two people that have the same goals, values or ethical atrributes, that is what makes us all so different, with that said I do think you can find someone to be a life partner that is compatible and "YES" enjoy things as "US' as in being together as one instead of "ME".

I most def promote self help and healing from within ones self, and yes people do grow apart, but I also think they can still be friends, but change is good and the more you grow with or without someone, the better you and your life becomes, makes you strong inside and out.
............
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May 7, 2007 @ 12:14 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
kkatydid


Posts: 2
It aint in my book, what about yours?
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May 7, 2007 @ 12:40 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
ynot7769


Posts: 20,639
It aint in my book, what about yours?


yeah i think it is.........but nobodys reading MY book soooo wtf
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May 9, 2007 @ 2:03 PM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Natgoat


Posts: 1,479
" Please her..Very..VERY Well. . then Rinse..and..REPEAT...!!! "
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May 20, 2007 @ 5:43 AM FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER    
Natgoat


Posts: 1,479
...and . . 'Marriage' isn't a Requirement . . Fidelity is
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