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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 11:56 AM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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HollyHummy
Posts: 3,703
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We've all spent some time stuck in a relationship....
we didn't want to be in because we didn't have the heart (or some other equipment) to end it. Maybe we don't want to hurt someone we've been close to, or worse, maybe it's clear right away we're dealing with a nut and we don't want to be the trigger for an economy-sized bottle of Prozac and a six-week stint at a Psychiatric Center.
So what do you do when it's completely obvious you're just not meant to be together? You break up. Or, you try to break up, don't quite hit the mark, and end up sucked back into the awful relationship for round two, because you just couldn't make it stick.
Is there a way to make it permanent without causing permanent damage?
The key is to have a plan, a good plan.
Location, Location, Location.
It's really important to pick a good strategic breakup setting.
The best places to have "the talk" are both public but fairly private, with a convenient escape route. The best location? Outside, walking at a park. It's crowded enough to ensure you won't have a big scene, but private enough your dumpee won't feel like he or she is naked at a funeral. Other agreeable breakup locales include restaurants (but not a favorite restaurant) or a walk around the block. The worst place to break up? At a party or work. The only thing worse than being dumped is being dumped in front of people you're going to have to see on a regular basis.
Timing Is Everything.
Another key to effective breakups is precise timing. Breaking up at a park gives both your dumpee and you the chance to leave once the deed is done. If you're ending the relationship at a restaurant, do it only after the check has come and you've paid for dinner. (And by the way, if you're about to dump someone, you should DEFINITELY be buying dinner.) There's nothing more horrifying than being dumped and then having to sit around making small talk for another 20 minutes while you're waiting for the check to come. (As in, "Hey Lula, what are you doing now that you don't have plans for tonight? Laundry?")
Happy Freaking Birthday.
Never break up with someone within two weeks of a major holiday or his/her birthday. Make that a month for Valentine's Day and Christmas. There's no faster entry to the Bitch/Bastard Hall of Fame than permanently destroying the holidays for your soon-to-be-ex. It's just not nice, and you don't want that what-goes-around-comes-around thing biting you in the ass when your turn as the dumpee rolls back around.
It's Not You, It's Me.
The first thing to remember is not to drag it out. The longer it takes, the worse it is for everybody involved. Whenever you end the relationship, be sure to make your reasons relevant only to you. Say, "This is not working for me." Stick with your basis and keep repeating yourself over and over if necessary. It's impossible for someone to argue with you about reasons that pertain only to you. If you end up getting sucked into a situation where you have to list grounds for wanting it over, you may find yourself in for an encore. If you say, "we fight too much" or "you don't seem happy" your partner may offer to change, taking all the air out of your break-up and landing you right back in the relationship.
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| Apr 4, 2007 @ 12:10 PM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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blondebutnotdumb
Posts: 16
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we only knew each other for 3 months when we got married. After 10 months of marriage we realized there was more to a marriage than sex. we both decided the best thing would be to go our own way. We remain friends but nothing more
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| Apr 5, 2007 @ 2:23 PM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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Sunshinegal35
Posts: 639
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I've found that no matter how gently I try to let my SO down, it never works! But perhaps that's because I've only ever been with psychotic guys..... 
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| Apr 19, 2007 @ 8:49 PM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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swyeter
Posts: 22,279
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Since I have little or no experience on the subject of breaking up I did not post a comment when I originally read your post. Then today I just happened upon the following on the internet and remembered your forum and thought that the following provides some very sound advice for using email to break up and thought I would share.
Breaking up is hard to do, so says a well-known song. In this technological advance world that we know live in, breaking up may not have gotten any easier but one can do it more efficiently over e-mail. There are plenty of people who are involved in long distance relationships. However, there are other couples who live in the same state, but because they are so busy, communicate constantly through e-mail.
Most e-mails are short and sweet, at least two to three sentences. In just three to four paragraphs, one can break the ties that have started to strangle them. When breaking up over e-mail, it is best to be straightforward while trying to be as diplomatic as possible.
If one decides to do this, one needs a strategy. The number one key to breaking up over e-mail, is not to write or get involve in long-drawn out explanations or discussions, but just give the facts. It is hard to argue with the facts.
An example of the wrong way to start breaking up over e-mail: “I have been thinking that our relationship isn’t working out. Don’t you think?”
The right way: “We have been dating (insert exact time) and from the beginning there were problems. I don’t want to continue.
In the first example, the mistake is to ask permission of the person with whom you are breaking up with. In a sense you are asking them, “Can I break up with you.” That is not what you want to do, you want to state it like a fact, “I am breaking up with you.”
What will probably happen next is that you will get an e-mail back, trying to engage you in conversation. Don’t engage it will be your downfall. I don’t want to say outright to ignore it, but ignore it as best you can. Consequently, depending on the type of person you are breaking up with, you will receive more e-mails like that. Ignore them all, if possible. Be wary of e-mails that are emotional, it will tug at your heartstrings. For example, “Let’s talk, we can work it out.” Think of breaking-up as needing to extract yourself from a situation that can get really ugly at any second.
Remember this not a debate this is a break-up. If you are a wimp, which I think you are since you are breaking up with someone over e-mail, don’t meet them in person or talk to them over the phone. If you can’t help but run into them make sure there are other people in the room with you, and try not to argue.
Second e-mail write, “I know you feel the same way about breaking up. I am not the only one who sees this relationship as a disaster.”
Third e-mail, should be to the effect, “It is not easy to admit to myself that I have a hard time sustaining a relationship.” It does not matter what is written back to you, stick to the goal, to break-up.
Fourth e-mail; restate everything you have said in previous e-mails. “This relationship has had problems from the beginning. I think we should break up. I know you feel the same way about breaking-up. It is not easy to admit to myself that I have a hard time sustaining a relationship. I know you agree, are relationship is over.”
Notice how I keep re-iterating that the relationship is over. Always use the words “this relationship is over” in each e-mail or something to that effect.
With each subsequent e-mail you should be leading your soon to be ex. down the inevitable conclusion. Depending how much pride and how much the person you are trying to break up with is invested in the relationship, you might receive a couple more e-mails.
Fifth e-mail, write, “What more can I say.”
Truthfully, very little.
But this would only work if both parties had email.
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 6:34 AM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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canuhelpme258
Posts: 3,355
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50 ways to leave your lover
Words & music by paul simon
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
Id like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said its really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning wont be lost or misconstrued
But Ill repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free
Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just listen to me <-----------
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why dont we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning youll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
Just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free
You just slip out the back, jack
Make a new plan, stan
You dont need to be coy, roy
Just listen to me <------------
Hop on the bus, gus
You dont need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, lee
And get yourself free
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| Apr 21, 2007 @ 6:59 AM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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ynot7769
Posts: 17,359
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wonderd how long this would take you to do 
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| Apr 22, 2007 @ 12:06 AM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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theonlytruelove5469
Posts: 8
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why would want to leave your lover anyway?
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| Apr 24, 2007 @ 11:05 PM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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Natgoat
Posts: 1,500
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Damn..!!!
She IS Good...!!!
No wonder I didn't feel bad when she dumped me...!!!
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| Apr 30, 2007 @ 11:51 AM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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ynot7769
Posts: 17,359
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how bout i run da' bitch over with a car? 
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| May 9, 2007 @ 2:13 PM |
Winning Ways to leave Your Lover |
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Natgoat
Posts: 1,500
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Actually...I'd prefer _Not_ to leave a Lover.....
If the Love has been Lost . . . I'd have to discuss it with her....and move on . . . to find another....
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of 1 pages
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