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| Dec 10, 2006 @ 6:53 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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LOKI1960
Posts: 134
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For years women have been telling me that I don't listen well.Been told that men have zero listening skills and they we just aren't "in tune" with what's going on,how they feel and the imporatances of anything else outside of our little male world are just lost on us.Well I suppose like other every guy I've been guilty of blowing off some of what another person has said,becuase my attention wandered off to more interesting things (such as the woman's cleavage or wondering whether or not she's shaved,trimmed or natural)a time or two,but I don't recall missing anything really life changing and drastic by my lack of attention to certain details.
Now my ex used to really ride my ass about this and she was always reading things into some of the things I said or did that simply wasn't there.She used to say that we men just weren't in tune to the "real" meaning or feelings of what was behind the words,that the tone of the voice or the look on a person's face often belied their words.While this may be true sometimes and it's always a good thing to be observant to such things as voice tone and body language,it's not an invisible polygraph.Unless you are Wonder Woman with the Lasso of Truth,there is no substitute for good listening skills and explicit verbal communication.
I suppose if men are guilty of not having good listening skills and not being "in tune" with feelings and such,women are equally as bad at reading things into words and actions that simply aren't there.Like in the thread about sex and relationships ("Are you really out anything"),I read several posts from women who said that they had been guilty of reading more into what was there,even when the guy was straight up with his intentions.I've personally experienced it where I've gone out with a woman,been upfront about not wanting a relationship,things get heated,we bump uglies and suddenly she's making wedding plans.I spoke plain English,she heard me in the language of wishful thinking.
So I would say that BOTH genders have problems with listening.Men don't listen enough,and are oblivious to some things,women have their "feelings radar" on 24/7 and tend to read too much into things.Bottom line:We BOTH suck and need to work on understanding our differences.
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 1:30 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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sweetnasty1
Posts: 2,591
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What? 
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 1:32 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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belle1010
Posts: 2,908
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 1:36 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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movievid
Posts: 264
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hey belle and sweet did ya'll hear somethin
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:08 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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LOKI1960
Posts: 134
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Aw ladies,I was expecting you to read something more into my post.Like on another forum one lady quoted me here:
Well I suppose like other every guy I've been guilty of blowing off some of what another person has said,becuase my attention wandered off to more interesting things
And replied,"So you're saying women don't have anything interesting or important to say?"
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:15 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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sweetnasty1
Posts: 2,591
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I was just teasing. Actually I think everyone's mind wanders at one time or another thus lessening their attention span and listening skills. Although, I have to admit that I think women really are better listeners. I find that some men have a hard time doing 2 things at once. I can multi-task. I can be watching t.v. and listening to the kids at the same time. My attention span isn't too short. Everyone is different.
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:23 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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LOKI1960
Posts: 134
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Although, I have to admit that I think women really are better listeners. I find that some men have a hard time doing 2 things at once. I can multi-task. I can be watching t.v. and listening to the kids at the same time.
You're quite right about multi tasking.Women have us beat hands down,no lie there.I think it's the way the male brain works,one hemisphere at a time,whereas you ladies use both simultaneously.This has been proven in a lab.They did an experiment where they MRI'ed men and women's brains.They asked the test subjects to do simple things like wiggle their toes.On men,only areas on one hemisphere at a time lit up.Women's brains lit up like a Christmas tree.Women rend to be more "holistic" in how they deal with things.
So you don't think women tend to read more into things than what is there?
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| Dec 11, 2006 @ 2:28 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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sweetnasty1
Posts: 2,591
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Sure women can read more into things just as well as men can. Sometimes it's hard to tell what someone is thinking or writing unless they come right out and say it. There's a lot of people on this site just having fun. Others are really looking for a relationship and may get confused by some people here. You know what I mean?
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| Dec 24, 2006 @ 2:09 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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canuhelpme258
Posts: 3,356
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sorry wasn't listening 
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| Dec 24, 2006 @ 2:26 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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ynot7769
Posts: 17,358
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were we SUPPOSED to be listening??? 
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| Dec 24, 2006 @ 2:31 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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canuhelpme258
Posts: 3,356
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I was listening 'till he said the first word.....
Yeppers I'm baaaaack!
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| Jan 17 @ 8:06 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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Natgoat
Posts: 1,500
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A Lady needs to know that her man is paying attention to her . .
I've found that I need more Practice . . !!
. .  . .
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| Jan 18 @ 1:07 AM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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lolthisistoofunny
Posts: 516
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So you don't think women tend to read more into things than what is there?
We wouldn't tend to do that if you didn't send us mixed (or no) signals. Many men don't communicate with women, leaving us having to guess at what they're thinking or feeling. If you're not willing to be completely upfront and honest with us, then don't complain when we misconstrue your true intent.
Even in the case where statements are made outright as to one's intentions...the statement is made, yes, but then other statements and/or actions are oftentimes made that contradict that. Some women are guilty of that too.
Communication is key. 
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| Jan 18 @ 4:36 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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canuhelpme258
Posts: 3,356
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True communication is key...
Many men don't communicate with women, leaving us having to guess at what they're thinking or feeling
Men are different from women... we do not feel the need to constantly discuss how some thing made us feel (well save for that metrosexual weenie for a boss I have)
Women truly would be surprised at the astounding number o fthings men are actually completely indifferent too.
That I believe is the crux of the problem, I think women are of the opinion, that because they have an opinion about something men should too!
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| Jan 18 @ 5:10 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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lolthisistoofunny
Posts: 516
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What an absurd blanket generalization. I RARELY, if EVER discuss how something makes me feel. If there are problems I discuss, primarily, how to solve it. In fact, I rarely discuss how to solve it; I just solve it on my own. 
I'm of the opinion that PEOPLE should communicate with each other. No more, no less. Being male doesn't absolve you from unaccountability, no matter how much you'd like to think to the contrary.
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| Jan 18 @ 6:57 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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sundance64
Posts: 1,574
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Women...at least me...and all the women I know, talk (Girls Talk!!). We have a problem, we talk to each other about it. We tend to believe that men do the same thing, and they do to some extent, but usually only to come to a conclusion...quickly.
Women (me and the ones I know at least...) discuss, debate, rehash and go over the pros and cons...with delight! Usually over many cups of coffee or whatever else happens to be handy. This is how we deal with things.
I think what Canu was trying to say was men tend to be indifferent to things women worry about like whether we've gained or lost 5 pounds, or cut 2 inches off our hair...or even who so and so at work is sleeping with or fighting with. I'm not trying to sound frivolous, but these are things women talk about with each other (among other much more important things...).
Also, when a woman asks a man "What's wrong?" and he says nothing...he usually means it. If there's something wrong...he'll discuss it in his own time...or he'll solve the problem on his own.
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| Jan 18 @ 7:31 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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lolthisistoofunny
Posts: 516
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I don't think it's fair to generalize is what I'm saying. I don't chit chat with women friends.The last thing I want to do is talk about what new dress I bought, where I got my haircut or start lugging out pictures of my kids. Maybe I'm just different; I dunno, but I find that boring. And I don't generally share my problems with other women (or men, either, for that matter). But I've always been very independent and autonomous.
From what I've observed, the way men and/or women communicate is an individual trait; I haven't seen anything that I could particularly categorize as being strictly "male" or "female."
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| Jan 18 @ 8:00 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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sundance64
Posts: 1,574
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I guess we've just had different observations then...it all depends on what type of people you associate with...
I think as far as men and women communicating with each other, it depends on the relationship as well...
I have male friends, some I've known for many years, who I can talk to about alot of things...but not necessarily the same things I talk to my woman friends about. But, I can talk to Canu about anything...and he does listen...whether it's about the latest political debates, a co-worker being in the hospital or how badly I need a haircut! And it goes both ways...well, except the haircut part...duh!
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| Jan 18 @ 8:06 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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ynot7769
Posts: 17,358
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But, I can talk to Canu about anything...and he does listen...whether it's about the latest political debates, a co-worker being in the hospital or how badly I need a haircut! And it goes both ways..
i think THAT is a major key for a successfull relationship and possibly the reason most fail ....jmho 
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| Jan 18 @ 8:16 PM |
Listening skills and gender differences |
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lolthisistoofunny
Posts: 516
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In nearly 50 years of life, I've had associations with as many different types of people as there possibly are, I would imagine. That's why I don't make such generalizations.
As far as my dating life goes, I won't associate with men who won't/can't communicate with me. That would (and does) drive me absolutely bonkers. Fortunately, there are a few men who can and do talk about whatever subject happens to come up.
For me, being an editor and writer, (not to mention a Gemini!) words are my "life." I'd be lost with a partner who was noncommunicative.
As much as I like to talk about anything and everything, though, and as much work as I do working with words on a day-in-day out basis, all I want to do, pretty much, at the end of my day is sit back and listen to my partner tell me about his day and just whatever else he feels like talking about. I'll interject my opinion, of course, but mostly I'm happy to sit back and listen to him. I find it relaxing. 
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