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Confused, and I Don't Like It...Help, Please?


Apr 16, 2013 @ 5:51 PM Confused, and I Don't Like It...Help, Please?    
SweetJLove


Posts: 5
Subtext...What do women really want anyway? Where did the maturity go? Keep in mind that this post does not apply to all women, just the majority of them. I respectfully request assistance from you. Help me to understand, please.

I wonder when things changed to such a degree that it seems as if the priorities of most (not all, of course) women have been severely skewed, and the maturity level of most women seems to be nonexistent. Let's look at it...

I am 34 years of age, and for all of my life I have grown up without the use of my eyes. I have always considered this a gift for the most part for several reasons. First, it means I do not have to see the ugliness in the world. I am not bound to the superficial things. I do not judge others based on exterior aesthetics. I do not judge a book by its cover, as it were. I can focus on the things that truly matter, the heart, the soul, the spirit and the mind. As of late I am beginning to question that belief. I am intelligent, fun-loving, gentle, compassionate, faithful and honest. I'm an old romantic at heart. I believe in the power of love. However...

It seems to me that women today have become very superficial. For example, if you ask a woman what she looks for in a man, the first things she talks about are aesthetic (a very attractive man with X, Y and Z), and materialistic (a good-paying job, a car and a home). Now, am I saying that it is wrong to want these things? Not at all. However, it strikes me as bizarre that they seem to be at the top of the list, and that a lack of one of those things would constitute a definite reason not to get to know someone. For example, I've seen many profiles of women, and so many of them say that, for instance, the person replying MUST have a car, or MUST have a job. What I fail to see is how my employment status or ability to operate a motor vehicle determines your ability as a woman to know or love me. In my case, while I do have a job, one which I enjoy immensely, it does not define me. My job is not who I am, it is something I do. There is a big difference. I will never be able to operate a motor vehicle, and therefore, have no use for owning one. Does this mean that you should not get to know me simply because of that? It seems rather strange to me that you would choose to limit yourself based on something which is most definitely beyond my control.

I wonder why, given that women are said to be the more emotional gender of our species, that when you are asked what you look for in a man, the list doesn't go something like this: First, I want a man who has a great heart. I want a man who treats those around him the way he wants to be treated. I want a man who will respect me. I want a man who I can trust to be faithful to me. I want a man who will be loyal and honest. I want a man who will stand by me, come what may. I want a man who will fight with me when the times get tough. I want a man who will laugh with me when I am happy, hold me and cry with me when I am sad. I want someone that makes me feel special every day of my life. I want to know every morning when I wake up, and each night when I lay my head down, that I am loved. I want a man who believes in the power of love to heal, to endure, to overcome and to persevere. I want a man who believes in romance. I want a man who will cherish our lives together.

I hear so many women talk about how their man isn't treating them right...he's cheating on them. He neglects and ignores them. The thing is, you chose him. You chose him based on the six-figure job he holds down, the fancy house he lives in and the nice cars you drive, but it never occurred to you that he would spend more time at the office than he does at home with you? You chose him for the great body that he has, but it never occurred to you that his aesthetic beauty might build in him a sense of entitlement, and he might share his great physique with other women? If you had chosen a man for the great heart he has, his honesty, his loyalty, his respect and his faithfulness, you wouldn't be having the issues you are now. I thought women were looking for true love? Didn't it occur to you that if you had chosen him based on the list above, you would have found a true and enduring love?

Now let's look at maturity. What is it with women and blindness? I have been this way for 34 years, and I live a full, happy life. I have a good, challenging and rewarding job. I enjoy a variety of things, from books, to music, to sports, to poker. I swim, play basketball, go bowling, go to movies, go out to eat. I cook, clean, bathe myself, dress myself. Just because my eyes are dead, doesn't mean I can't laugh with you, cry with you, hold you or make tender love to you. Yet women seem to freak out at the thought that my eyes don't function. So? Big deal. As I stated before, until lately I have always considered it as a gift. Let's look at the advantages from a woman's view, that for some reason they just don't seem to see.

First, a woman would not have to worry that I am merely interested in her because of her body. It's a complaint I have heard from women about most men, and it's a valid one. A lot of men do pursue women simply based on exterior looks, which is absolutely reprehensible to me, because it encourages the very problems discussed above. But with me not being able to see, she doesn't have to worry about that. My focus will be
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Apr 16, 2013 @ 6:33 PM Confused, and I Don't Like It...Help, Please?    
SweetJLove


Posts: 5
on the internal things. I will be attracted to her for her personality and her heart, the things which really make her who she is. I won't care about her weight or her height, whether she has scars, etc. Shouldn't this please her? Taking it a step further, if we are together, after 10 or 20 years when the aging process has lessened the exterior aesthetic beauty (as it will in all of us), she won't have to worry about me "trading her in" for someone more aesthetically pleasing, because that's not what I was attracted to in the first place. Again, Exterior beauty fades...the heart and spirit never die. I would think this would please her.

Second, she won't have to worry about me cheating, because since I was attracted to her for the person that she truly is on the inside, and since I fell in love with her personality, heart and mind rather than the superficial things, I will be attracted to her no matter what changes on the outside. Shouldn't this please her?

Yet instead of being pleased, instead of looking at the advantages, I find that a lot of women act just the opposite and try to find drawbacks. I had one woman ask me, "If we're on a picnic, and I need you to help me put things in a basket, how would you do it?" So what, because my eyes don't work, now my hands are broken as well? Then she took it further by asking, "If we were on that picnic and it started to rain, how would you run with me to the car?" Wow, so now not only am I blind, I have been promoted to quadroplegic? I've had women ask me "How do you walk around your house?"...Well, probably the same way you do when you get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or to get a snack or drink. I've had numerous women ask me, "How do you make love?" Well, pretty much the same way you make love...I just use the rest of my body and my other senses more than the average sighted person would.

I even had a woman tell me that I was a great guy, that I had a great heart, and that someone would fall madly in love with me one day, but that she could not handle my blindness. I asked her if I were able to see, could she see herself falling in love with me. She said yes, definitely. My response was, and my general question is, what exactly is there for you to handle? I handle it every day of my life, just fine. What is it that you think that you need to handle for me? I'm blind, not helpless. When did the word "blind" become synonymous with "helpless" or "stupid?" When did we get to the point where blindness was so pervasively stereotyped as a lack of intelligence or ability? I hold a job in the medical profession, one which required me to learn and retain massive amounts of information and terminology. It's definitely not a job that speaks of a lack of intellect. I read and brief Supreme Court cases for personal knowledge. Again, not an action of someone suffering a lack of intellect. I speak Spanish fluently, and I also know quite a bit of American Sign Language. Further indicia of intelligence, correct? I have travelled by Greyhound bus over 1000 miles, completely solo. Not the actions of someone helpless, true?

Remember when I said I had begun to doubt my belief that my blindness was a gift? What is the huge problem with my lack of eyesight for so many women? Why is it that they don't seem to look at the advantages discussed above? Sometimes I see a profile that I would like to respond to, and then I see it...must have car. Well, I never will. So the woman I have found who has many things in common with me, someone who shares many of the same interests as me, will never get to know me, simply because I came into the world 3 months before I was scheduled. Is this fair to either one of us? What if that one small thing prevents both of us from finding the enduring and lifelong love we are seeking? Is a car really worth that?

I would appreciate feedback. All posts are welcome.
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