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Come to the dark side...I have cookies!
I need a new online penpal to fall in virtual love with to fill in the gaps of real life. How's that sound? Not looking for anything more than friends and chatting for now.
The person I would like to meet
What am I looking for in a "mate"?? I feel like some desperate zoo creature that is waiting for a reply from some other zoo with a simlar desperate creature (of the opposite sex) in an attempt to help them procreate before the species dies out.
About my work
My work.... Alas if only I could use my powers for good instead of evil. Sigh...
What do you like to do for fun/hobbies?
Other than harass people in my sarcastic, comedic way....I truly enjoy being online and chatting. And of course, going out drinking and socializing so I can further harass people and see if they get my warped humor.
My idea of a great date
Proofreading the menu and pointing out glaring typos to the cocky server or manager. Is that bad?
What is your fantasy vacation?
To meet a handsome virile creature on a remote island that wants nothing more in life than to fill out these goddamn questionnaires for me so I dont have too. And do my taxes. And laundry.
What is your academic background?
I live near a university and I can spell akademick.
Where did you last vacation and did you like it?
About ten minutes ago while I surfed for porn. That counts right?
What do you find attractive in people?
Their ability to recognize sarcasm.
What do others do that irritate you?
Drink my last Diet Pepsi, call to tell me I haven't paid the satellite bill, knock on the door, disturb my slumber, steal my punchline or stand to close to me in a checkout line. Back the hell up until I have completed my transaction. (Smiling sweetly)
What do you think is your best quality?
Oh my culinary skills. Fer shur. I can work that can opener like no tomorrow. Unfortunately I often find that step to time consuming so am a big fan of pop-top cans. And plastic flatware.
What one thing would you change about your personality if you could?
I respectfully decline to answer on grounds I may tend to incriminate myself.
What one question would you want answered in an initial email from another member?
Where's the tv remote?
Describe your physique.
Bah....it is what it is. I cant run a marathon but I can do the Electric Slide and make it look gooooooooooood....
What do you do well sexually?
Watch porn? Is there going to be a test on this?
What is the favorite thing you like sexually done to you?
Fill out online questionnaires? You can talk dirty while you do it if need be.
What fantasy(s) are you still waiting to experience?
Being a guy for a day so I can play with the equipment and see what all the fuss is about.
What fantasy(s) have you already experienced?
Uhhhhh....meeting Bon Jovi? Not dying in a plane crash? Never contracting botulism from a pop-top can? Surely one of those meets the criteria.
Do you have any STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)?
Heh heh heh....
Are you looking for a one night stand, to play for a while, or a long-term Adult relationship?
Never say never to never. Ever. Thats what the Bieber says.
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