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Talk About Swinging Both Ways

posted 3/28/2007 9:08:18 PM |
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  DickSlippery

Again, U guys have gotta bear with me on this one. I try not 2 double post these blogs, but from time 2 time there iz something I want those of U who 4 whatever reason don't read my MySpace blog 2 get a chance 2 see. This iz one of those things that would fall in2 that category. By the time U finish this one I think U might know what the fuck I'm talking about here. Or maybe U won't, I don't know. Do I even fucking care, really? I mean, duz it really make any fucking difference 2 me whether or not U fucking perverts partake of my brilliance? Should U decide 2 just ignore the invitation 2 witness my genius in action, duz that really have any effect, either positive, negative or nueteral, on my existence whatsofuckingever? I don't care...do what U want. Bastards.

In addition 2 my free membership here at AMD (which I only keep so I can insure I will continue 2 recieve unsolicited titty pictures and crotch shots at all hours of the day and night from belle1010 and anyone else she has given my e-mail address 2. I'm telling U all right now...U have a long ways 2 go B4 U send me a pic that has a higher boner factor than PrincessKissy's pics do. That bitch's crotch and ass shots got me straight stupid, yo! My hat's off 2 Argit01...that's a fine bitch, homie), I also take a gander at a few other internet dating sites. My current favorite iz www.monkeyfucker.com. It’s basically geared 2wards adults interested in hedonistic primate love. There iz a common misperception that we are different species. We do have basically the same DNA, U know? Hell...400 years ago they thought the same thing about black people. I’m just way ahead of the curve on this one, guys, that’s all.

Anyway, I need 2 go on there and check my mail. I am hoping 2 get a message from this adorable orangutan (I know, I know...I usually don’t swing that way either, but I always have liked a big bitch and she takes real good care of herself. U spend enough on getting Ur nails done and U won’t drag Ur knuckles on the ground when U walk either, motherfucker!) I have been hoping 2 hook up with. Hey – don’t knock it until U have watched this bitch eat a fucking banana. And not no bullshit banana either, I’m talking about a Chiquita Banana, baby!) She’s from Nepal or someplace, I think, and I just don’t know how the whole cultural differences thing iz gonna work out.

I don’t mean 2 sound like such a pussy about this. I know U have 2 put Urself out there from time 2 time, but it seems like I have had one bad experience after another trying 2 find love in this lifestyle. 4 instance, I meet this cute ass chimpanzee at the zoo, right? We get 2 talking a little bit and she’s just signing away like crazy, one thing leads 2 another and we go out a couple times, right? She told me she wuz a model. Turns out she wuz in that DVD Chimps Gone Wild: Mardi Gras! She wuz the one with all the beads. FUCKING FREAK, I’m telling U! Well, anyway, I couldn’t handle it and I told her I didn’t want 2 see her anymore (this bitch wuz even 2 off the hook 4 me, player...), and she just wuz not fucking having it. This bitch lost her fucking mind. First, she started calling my work and shit. And I know it wuz her cuz she never said anything, but she just kinda grunted. Then she would just happen 2 bump N2 me on the way 2 work or something. So, I call the fucking cops and tell them what’s going on, but all they want 2 do iz fucking laugh at me. Like I’m not the fucking victim here, or something. It wuz really humiliating. Then, the shit gets way out of hand and she started hanging out in the trees around my apartment complex with her little cousin Ree Ree. Yeah...it wuz fucking crazy. She would just hang out there all day, drinking Cisco and rolling around on the ground and shit, waiting 4 me 2 show up. When I finally did she would fucking lose it, man! She’d start screaming at me and ripping up the lawn and jumping up and down and shit. One time, I swear 2 god this iz the truth, the bitch even took a shit and threw it at me!!! That’s how fucking crazy it got. Try explaining some shit like that 2 the fucking managers and I won’t have the rent until the tenth. Finally, I got lucky and she got rounded up in some kinda animal control sweep and they ended up deporting her crazy ass back 2 Zimbabwe or wherethefuckever she fucking came from 2 begin with. I heard she tried 2 fight it 2...yeah, get this fucking shit! This crazy fucking bitch tried telling them we were married. Can U believe the nerve of some creatures?

So, yeah...I’m a little skittish. But I think I have good reason. And I know they can’t all be like Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose (I fucking swear 2 U orangutans aren’t my thing...U know, usually...), but that duzn’t mean they have 2 all be like King Kong either. I’m just gonna have 2 keep my chin up and keep looking 4 that one special something that I know in my heart iz out there waiting 4 me 2 swing by and say, “OOOH AHHH AHHH OOOH AHHH!”

Until that day comes I’ll just keep on

Keeping U posted

DS

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Top 200 Reasons I Still Fucking Love It Here at AMD (in several parts)
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Here's a little funny


Comments:

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Sunshine79

Mar 28 @ 9:24PM  
Watch out for those primates man, I quit months ago!!
PrincessKissy

Mar 28 @ 9:28PM  
ynot7769

Mar 28 @ 9:32PM  
*ponders the cost of a shrink ......then realizes it might fuck up his writing style ....tosses idea out da' winder*
cabl_guy

Mar 28 @ 11:09PM  
You're hittin the chronic again, aren't you!?
Pudge2you

Mar 29 @ 8:15AM  
That's bad mojo dude. You should definately stick to Eskimos. By the way I think I found one for you. Hit me up.

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Talk About Swinging Both Ways