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Is Beauty A Curse

posted 3/28/2007 9:25:34 AM |
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tagged: dating, beautiful

I had an interesting experience recently that I thought I would share and ask if anyone had knowledge of women having had similar experiences as my friend.

I got a call from “Joy”, an individual that I worked with before I retired; I had not seen or talked to her for about two years. She asked if I could have lunch with her because she needed to talk with someone she could trust. I did not consider this an unusual request because when we worked together we often had candid but confidential discussions.

At lunch everything was fine until I asked, “Joy what is the problem you wanted to talk about”. She started to cry and proceeded to unload her soul on me how she thought life was passing her by. That she did want to find a good man, start a family, basically live the “American dream” but had not had a date with a man in almost a year.

I know I had to be staring in disbelief because she is a knock down gorgeous woman, at least a 9.9 on anyone’s scale. She is twenty-nine, intelligent and independent; she works as an information technology specialist, makes a six figure salary, owns her own home in an upscale neighborhood and drives a BMW; I thought who wouldn’t want to go out with her and basically told her as much.

She said that was the problem. The men that would approach her or ask for a date were either the “Adonis” type. Men so infatuated with themselves they would not date anyone unless they too were beautiful. Then they made you feel like they had done you a favor by “allowing” you to be with them all the while they were on the prowl for a woman more beautiful. The other ones who would approach her were the creeps who often started the conversation with something crude or rude like, “You wanna f**k.”

She explained that if she made the first move on a man he assumed she was slut looking for a one-nighter. When friends tried to set her up on blind date guys would refuse because they thought her description was too good to be true and if they were shown a picture then they thought there had to be something wrong with her. Often asking, “You sure she isn’t a lesbian? The irony to this is she said is that when she goes out by herself she is “hit on” by more women than men.

When she has managed to get a date she often has to “dummy” herself down because usually when a man discovers she is intelligent they felt challenged or when they saw her house and car, inferior or that her tastes were too expensive for them. In either case most would date her once or twice then not call her again.

She told me she enjoys sex and has a healthy sexual appetite that she is attempting to satisfy with “toys”. I worked with Joy for nine years and know her as an open, caring, sharing, loving person. She is not narcissistic or conceited, “hell she always was friendly and talked with me”. But I am no Dr. Phil so I was at a loss to provide her a viable solution. I did tell her that I would think on this one and get back with her.

And before anyone asks “no I will not give you her # or hook you up with her”. But I would appreciate any comments or suggestions, constructive or otherwise.

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Is Beauty A Curse


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Mar 28 @ 9:35AM  
I can not offer any advice but I hope you get some for her. This is a damn good blog. A kudo for you.

Mar 28 @ 12:05PM  
All people have problems. Good looking ones have some to do with their appearance. Being good looking gets you things that you might not deserve just because of your looks. The down side is that you know it. You always wonder if someone like you for yourself or just for your looks. Self doubt is the real killer here.

Men or women who are truly self confident and like themselves seem to have few problems with making contact with the opposite sex. A good sense of humor is always a plus. Finding someone you really like is not guaranteed.

Joy should never dumb herself down. How could she maintain liking someone who required that of her? She would soon resent it anyway. Maybe long enough to have sex but that doesn't really solve her problem. Nothing wrong with a bit of short term relief

As hard as it is to accept you should realize, that if you try to change yourself in order to get someone to like you, you will soon realize that they like who you are pretending to be and not who you really are. No way to be happy with that.

If you like yourself, then there is no good reason to change. If you don't like yourself, then you should change whatever it is that you don't like. Why should anyone else like you if you don't?

I believe that most men would agree that after a short time, beauty isn't what makes them want to have a relationship.

Joy should really ask herself if the men that are intimidated by her are the kind she would want for very long.

She might consider doing whatever it is that she likes to do and inviting someone of interest to go along. Not the same as asking for a date. More like, "I'm going to (whatever) would you like to go also?" Doesn't have to be a date or any money spent. It could be a walk in the park or a visit to a museum or just window shopping.

Mar 28 @ 12:27PM  
e harmony

Mar 28 @ 5:09PM  
No,I don't think beauty is a curse. Butt-ugly is. Nothing better than smart,intelligent,conversation with an attractive woman. Your friend should not dumb-down. As far as her problem meeting qualified men totally alludes me. Maybe its the changing times and subtle changes in people. Two good heads are better than one and merged together can be awsome. Its sad that men and women that are successful in life can't find success in love. Beats the hell out'a me

Mar 28 @ 6:21PM  
I have often wondered about that paradox, Do women really suffer from a kind of double standard of being to beautiful? I am truley saddend by the plight of your friend. I myself have been single for many years, and have been on both ends of the spectrum. Some have considered me to handsome, others, not handsome enough. I do not post a pic on here, mainly for the fact that I do not want to judged on my physical apperance alone. The men she meets are certainly the losers in this situation, for not appreciating her inner beauty, and just focusing on her apperance and material possesions, they lose the opportunity to have a relationship with a wonderful person. She should certainly not change herself to be with any person. You have not said if she has tried any attempts at internet dating. After one uses the available dating pool provided by friends, family, and co-workers, there is little left. If she were to try an internet dating site, I would suggest not posting a picture, in the hopes of someone might want to know her personality as opposed to just being attracted to her physical beauty. Most of all, dont let the failures of the past discourage her from making any effort in the future. Not trying only guarantees a 100% chance of not finding anything.

Mar 29 @ 1:13AM  
Successful women often have that problem. It's not because of her as a person but, in the way she carries herself. She sounds well-educated, self-sufficient and, being such, she is intimidating to men..........AVERAGE men, at least. So, due to her success, she has isolated herself from the class of guys she seeks.
The average, REAL man would be fearful to approach her. The question being, "What do I have to offer a lady of this class?" He's fearful of being shot down and humiliated. So, he's looking but, never pursues her for fear of rejection.
So, she's left to the users and men with a self-loving complex.
I know this to be true. I've approached several beautiful women over my years to have them say the same thing, "Wow! Somebody actually came and talked to me!" But, for the most part, guys were scared to death of them!
She'll be OK. She just needs to realize how to utilize her position in life. It's hard to be both professional AND publicly accepted by the people she wants to meet. Guys have that complex thing going on, ya know.

Apr 4 @ 2:05AM  
I could say that I have the exact same problem except that I have learned to live with it...and have fun with life. I practically live two completely seperate lives and have a ball! Tell her to stop looking for love that way when it hits her she will know that it is her prince charming versus just what she hoped to be prince charming. Everyone has a soulmate she simply hasn't found hers yet.

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Is Beauty A Curse