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The Master Plan...

posted 3/27/2007 1:12:43 PM |
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Lots of you have heard and read about the "Vote Whig Bitch" movement here.

Significantly fewer of you know there is a counter campaign underfoot if not underway. Through the shameless self-promotion sub-committee of the ERECTIVIST national cartel... er association, as well as the much needed free advertising offered by the Dr. Tom Show and good folks that make "Sand Fucking Paper", I have been tasked with the high honor and resposibility of providing you fine folks a choice. I stand tall and erect before you as the Erectivist opposition candidate for the Presidency.

Many of you may think this is a derivative and devisive move on the part of myself and my esteemed collegues. I will tell you it is not. Choice and the freedom thereof is a time honored tradition 'round most parts of civilization, or at least the good parts. You make ask "What's in it for you?" That's a very good question, my opponent is popular, articulate (in his own narcoglyphic way) and generally housebroken. Why take on such a political juggernaut?

My fellows I'm going to do something my opponent, and for that matter, no political candidate in history has ever done. I'm going to tell you THE MASTER PLAN.

The Whig Party is older than dust as you know from the blogs, gotta go all the way back to 1832 to find it's roots. Just leap back an additional 28 years (and we all know when you're already going that far back for entertainment, it's pretty tough to stop) you will arrive in the early 1800's prior to the passing of the 12th Amendment. By this point I'm sure you are saying "who gives a fuck!" Well you certainly should not, and that's what I'm counting on.

Back in those days the top two Presidential electoral vote getters both got rewarded. The number one vote getter got the Presidency. The number two vote getter got the Vice-Presidency, which in many ways is the much better job, but that is the subject of a future blog.

So the plan is to get enough folks all confused with the dates and the history and the narcoglyphs and the witty reparte' to get ahold of the less powerful, less responsible, more fun job. If we revise enough history I may even get to shoot someone with a pistol. Now that sounds pretty cool to me!

So even though I don't have a freakin' smiley generator and a bevy of screaming topless chicks, I'm runnin for your future and your piece of ass errr... mind.

It Ain't Dick If It Ain't ERECT!

Please stay tuned to these and other Broadcasts for the Official announcements of the important and upcomming CELLAR DEBATES.

As always I stand erect for you.

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post a comment!


Mar 27 @ 1:16PM  
That is actually one of the best and most honest political speeches I have heard/read.

Mar 27 @ 1:38PM  
Well Pudge, you've definitly given me something to think about....

Mar 27 @ 1:40PM  
Oh, I'm sure you could come up with your own bevy of topless chicks....

Mar 27 @ 1:49PM  
Yeah but they keep hoppin out of their shells and gettin poop and little yellow feathers everywhere!

Mar 27 @ 1:58PM  
First of all, it's VOTE WHIG BITCH!!!. Also, is it not a conflict to have you and DS running and both employed by the Cellar?

Mar 27 @ 2:46PM  
A fine question. Though I see no need for bold text, I tip my hat to the sanctity of the trademark.

As for a possible conflict of interest I absolutely Do NOT see that. If anything it is a co-operative interest.

Our employment with the cellar is of course undocumented and therefore untraceable, please refer to WTXMAN for additional details regarding employment of myself or my opponent or any other dealings with any entity or likeness thereof.

Mar 27 @ 4:41PM  
OMG(and i don't mean openminded guy,you putzes),the last time I heard of the "Master Plan" it was Hitler wiping out 6 millon jews,very bad choice of words; you sure DS isn't writing this shit for you(great way to win,bro)

And if you can pry yourself away from the Cellar pussy and Jackie D, you might remember that I gave you a friggin cool 2 mil to jump start this rag tag politicle party of yours. WTF happened to the do re me, bro; are you and DS snorting it up your noses(politics does make strange bedfellows).

As far as standing "Erect" thtas not the report I'm getting back from the women here in the Cellar. They are asking me if your platform is as weak as your Erection. I just don't know what to say anymore; I guess we'll let the people decide, and if this MF goes to the Surpreme Court, then I guarrantee thier be some shooting going on.

Peace Out Brothers and Sisters

Mar 27 @ 4:44PM  
employees of the Cellar,hell I don't even know these guys

Mar 27 @ 4:50PM  
sorry i forgot about your ego,it's as frail as your erection,so i'll give you a kudo just to give you a boost,god knows you need it by now

Mar 27 @ 4:55PM  
Boss errrrr, esteemed guest,

I know nothing of the 2 Mil in seed money. I did not skip the seed and go straight to the full grown plants. I did not fund an expedition to find Eskimos. I did not have to payoff several influental people in order to cover-up that missing IRS representative. Most of all I absolutley did not buy a jet plane just so I could play navigator.

Mar 27 @ 6:49PM  
I have decided, that in the interests of fairness and possible kick-backs I will hold out on any decision of which candidate to back for a few more weeks. First I need to know.. if I vote for you.. what are you gonna do for me. DS of the Whig party has offered me the position of Secretary in charge of bitchslapping stupid people.. can you match or improve upon this offer?


Mar 27 @ 6:55PM  
Pon, If I get your vote I'll let you be in charge of the pistols. Ok they will be flintlocks but hey we don't wanna hurt 'em too badly.

And of course you will receive a certificate pledging my undying affection and all the mils I can skim off the top. (Disclaimer: There may be more than one certificate holder at any given time.)

Mar 27 @ 7:11PM  
Well that sounds all good and fine and all.. but do I get to eat icecream off your tummy? You have the perfect ice cream eating off it tummy. That's a definite requirement.

Mar 27 @ 7:14PM  
Pon, you can do that no matter who you vote for!!

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The Master Plan...