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Extreme Sports Are for Pansies

posted 3/1/2007 9:18:36 PM |
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Sitting here splitting time between my usual entertainment of porn and so called actual tv, I've come across several shows about motocross, base jumping, skateboarding, and the tons of other Xtreme SPORTS DAWG! It really strikes me as just silly in more ways than I like to think about. The whole concept of these so called sports seems to be to cheat death and live life to the fullest. HEY, don't get me wrong, I can get behind that idea. Ain't that one of the main reasons us freaks, weirdos and perverts on here blog and chat away on the off chance we can find another human being willing to help us do that either through meaningful interaction of a romantic nature or simply allowing us the pleasure of various methods of bodily orifice intrusion with many and sundry tools, gimcracks and fleshy appendages? I personally was a bouncer for over ten years of my life, and to this day maintain my Irish heritage of the three B's, boozin, brawlin', and broads, let me tell you something, I KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHING ABOUT CHEATING DEATH AND LIVING LIFE. Put me in a room around a round table and a keg of beer with some of these Xtreme goofballs and I'll tell them a few things about about cheating death and living life. You wanna cheat death, I'm all for that, but for fuck's SAKE just be a little more creative than strapping on a friggin' parachute and jumping off a building. Here's a little list of things I think are MORE dangerous and a helluva lot more entertaining than these wuss sports.
1. Walk into the hardest dyke bar you can find, a place populated with the butchest hardcore diesels you can find, stride right up to the bar and order a beer, scratch yourself and address the patrons in the loudest redneck patois you can manage and say the following...."HEY YOUSE CUNTS, THE LINE STARTS HERE FOR GIVING ME A BLOWJOB! YOU WEAK LITTLE THANGS JUST NEED A REAL MAN TO SHOW YOU WHAT TO DO...C'MON YA CARPET MUNCHERS AND I'LL CHANGE YOUR ORIENTATION!
2. Wander into a Klan rally wearing thug gear and bling, spout off in your best ghetto slang and tell the "sheet wearin' pussy cracka muthafuckas" that Tupac would bust a cap in all their punk asses if he was there and how you hope their daughters LOVE that nigga cock they're chuggin' over at the crib.
3. Dress up like a hippie, go to a NRA convention and call Charlton Heston a fascist pig lapdog of the establishment. Remember, wearing kevlar tye dye is cheating. Wuss.
4. Short one. Walk through downtown Atlanta at 2a.m. That's it. Good luck, bitch.
5. Put on a meat harness and streak through the lion cage at the zoo right before feeding time.
6. Shut off the med supply to your local violent psycho ward for a month then go in with a copy of "The Pokey Little Puppy" for storytime.
7. Eat ten bran muffins, three prune smoothies and an Exlax sandwich then go to the DMV. Not cheating death but it'd amuse the rest of us.
8. Call Muhammad Ali's daughter a cunt to her face.
9. Join the military while Bush is still president.
and finally
10. Go hunting with Cheney.

See, no gear, no endorsements, no groupies, no cable shows, just good clean fun and if we're lucky, a WHOLE LOT of stupid corpses, therefore ensuring a lot of parking space, oxygen and other resources for the rest of us with more than three brain cells to rub together that are not corrupted with Mountain Dew. TO THE XTREME!

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Extreme Sports Are for Pansies
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Mar 1 @ 9:36PM  
I think I found my twin!!!
Irish gal here and I love my 3 B's, boozin', brawlin' and boys!!

Cheers to the XTREME!!

Mar 1 @ 9:55PM  
You are so freaking funny!
My personal favorites...
9. Join the military while Bush is still president.
and finally
10. Go hunting with Cheney.
But, man, the rest of the list was excellent too!

Mar 1 @ 11:14PM  
And my fave is # 4.....Atlanta and 2 a.m..........just as bad as West Memphis at 2:01a.m.

Mar 2 @ 12:59AM  

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Extreme Sports Are for Pansies