Everybody seems to have a joke so I thought I'd contribute! They may have gone around a few times so.
1) Tom comes into the bar and is pissed! You can just see it on his face! (tom get's his drink) Mike a good friend of Tom's says, Tom? What The Fuck? What has you so pissed off?..... Tom replies, "All Lawyers are fucking assholes! I'm telling you all lawyers are assholes!" This well dressed guy at the other side of the bar interupts and says, "Hey! Come On Now! Have some respect!", Tom Stands and glares at him and says, "Why? Are you a layer?" ..."NO! I'm an asshole!".
2) Martin, is a piano virtuoso but is so only at home! His friends bitch at him over and over to audition for a nice club or casino and make some money with his amazing talent. He breaks down and looks in a popular Show magazine and sure enough, he sees an ad "Excellent Pianist wanted for upand coming dinner club". He goes. At the audition he awaits his turn. He goes in, the producer tells him to proceed. Martin starts playing and the producers eyes widen and is in disbelief of how amazing Martin was! Martin finishes. The producer says"OMG! That was fantastic but I am unaware of the piece". Martin says, "Well that's because I wrote it. The producer is impressed and asks him the name of the song. Martin states" Your Golden Tits Are As Beautiful As A Garden". The producer just stares at him and asks him to play something else. Martin starts up and the producer is driven to tears by his wonderful performance. Again The producer mentions he is not familiar with the tune. Martin again exclaims he wrote it. The producer hesitantly asks him the name and Martin states, The Taste of your sweet pussy is like eating honeycomb". The producer is at a loss. He says to Martin "I want you to have the job but you musn't ever reveal the song titles EVER! Yes Sir! Martin says. Opening night Martin is standing off stage in his tux, nervous and jumpy. This attractive woman walks up to Martin and says "Excuse me sir, do you know your zipper is down and your cock is hanging out?" Martin says, "Know It! I wrote it"!
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