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Something to offend EVERYONE parts 1&2&3

posted 2/13/2007 10:30:37 AM |
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tagged: offensive jokes
  MissMisty


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it!

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?

Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?

100 people who don't do dick.

What has millions of legs and still can’t walk?

Jerry’s Kids

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs and 20 years.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

What's the Cuban National Anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irishman go on vacation?

A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"

Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Keep Smiling

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Comments:

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mike_mike73

Feb 13 @ 10:35AM  
Those are absolutely funny, thanks for sharing.......
Pudge2you

Feb 13 @ 11:08AM  
My fellow BMW drivers and I would like to take this opportunity to admit that we are pricks. Really big ones. Please to avoid complication, follow this simple rule...

SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT.

Thank you.

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Something to offend EVERYONE parts 1&2&3