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Confession... Good for the Soul?

posted 2/12/2007 11:02:18 AM |
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tagged: jokes
  PrincessKissy

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I
almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put
$50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over
to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The
priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You
didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to
me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into
a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to
donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell
me the dog was Catholic?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two
college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of
them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And one bonus Catholic joke, not about confessionals:

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor
creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to
donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell
me the dog was Catholic?"

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Comments:

post a comment!

jrjones1970

Feb 12 @ 11:09AM  
Too funny..........
zena343

Feb 12 @ 11:31AM  
great jokes PK
mike_mike73

Feb 12 @ 11:54AM  
Those are so freakin funny, thanks for sharing
geena

Feb 12 @ 12:03PM  
nice laugh to start my day
ynot7769

Feb 12 @ 12:07PM  
92 n tellin everyone
hell me too
BigGreyWolf347

Feb 12 @ 12:15PM  
Yes! Yes! Yes! I love em! Thanks!
veeruinus

Feb 12 @ 12:50PM  
Damn funny
Lisa46

Feb 12 @ 3:25PM  
PK your killin me thanks
StraddleMyNose

Feb 12 @ 4:10PM  
Some good jokes there!
wtxman

Feb 12 @ 9:10PM  
Crissy, you Da Bomb. and a kudo, not for this; but for falling in Love.

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Confession... Good for the Soul?