My Platform? Why...it's shoes! (Part One) posted 2/7/2007 12:31:12 AM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

DickSlippery

But not just any shoes. Fuck that. I'm talking Manolo Blahniks, baby! How's a nice pair of Guccis grab U? Or how about that brand new pair of Prada Doll Pumps U have Ur eye on? Ur right...they would look fucking great with that little red number U have stashed away just waiting 4 the right pair of pumps 2 come along!

I know what Ur thinking. Ur thinking, 'Will Alfonso Ribeiro ever be recognized 4 the genius he iz?' Well, maybe not all of U. But some of U are...admit it! Some of U are also thinking, 'Is the date on this carton a deadline, or really just more of a helpful guide?' and that's ok...it's cold outside this time of year. I know U don't want 2 go outside and freeze Ur beejesus off just so those ungrateful fucks can have another fucking bowl of Apple Jacks. And its not even Apple Jacks. It's Apple Rings, goddamnit...get it straight! But most of U are probably thinking, 'What the fuck are U talking about?' aren't U? What can I tell U? It's a gift.

What I'm talking about iz my platform if I am elected President. That platform iz shoes. The kinds of shoes I spoke about at the beginning of this ill-concieved blog entry. More specifically...making sure U can afford 2 buy Urself a few pairs like the ones I described. Now Ur thinking, 'But how can U do that, Dick?' I know...I know...I've been doing it since I wuz a kid. I'll tell U how. By printing more money, and then distributing it throughout America based upon bra size, that's how! As a life long fan of U bigger breasted gals I think its about time we recognized the sacrifice U ladies make so that we may marvel at the wonder that iz Ur mammaries. How many back aches? How many swollen and chapped nipples? How many hours spent shopping 4 a cute bra in a D cup that iz bigger than a 36? How much iz enough?

Well, I say enough iz enough and now it's time U were compensated 4 Ur contribution 2 society. I don't want 2 imagine a flat chested America. It reminds me of being locked up. Fuck that shit. I celebrate the boob. I embrace it. I play with the nipple...just a little...not 2 much...yeah...like that, don't U baby?

And that's not the only idea I have. I can eliminate the National Debt right now. I can pay that shit off yesterday...I shit U not. It's simple...STOP SPENDING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN IRAQ. Make Halliburton Oil foot the bill instead. They're the ones who are planning 2 get paid off of this clusterfuck anyway, right? Well, once I'm in the top spot instead of their number one boy Dubya, it will be long past time 2 spread some of the cost of doing business in the Middle East around a bit, so I think that’s exactly what we will do.

Wait a minute...I'm not finished. I got a million of them. How about this one here? We get rid of the DEA. POOF! Gone...just like that - no more DEA. Cha-Ching! What's that in Ur pocket? One point six billion and change, baby! Them motherfuckers don't do nothing anyways, beyond contributing 2 the outrageously high cost of illegal narcotics. Honestly...what do DEA agents do that the fucking FBI or the ATF can't take care of? Waste of fucking money, iz what I say!

2 BE CONTINUED...

DS

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