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WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part Two)

posted 2/5/2007 2:31:41 PM |
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  DickSlippery

CONTINUED FROM B4 (that means don't read unless U read Part One, dummy!)

I realize that I am by no means a cookie cutter candidate. I have some radical ideas. I realize that shit. I ain't trippin. That’s why I scare motherfuckers. They’re afraid y’all will actually start listening 2 me, and realize I’m telling the truth. Holy shit if that happens, baby! Motherfuckers will be out they goddamn minds! That’s right! That’s right…that’s why they all scared of me. The Republicans are scared of me. Them motherfuckers don’t know what 2 think. John McCain iz like, “let me kick his ass!” Fucking Democrats iz scared 2. Barack a what? Fuck a Barack Obama! Somebody will probably shoot that motherfucker B4 Election Day anyways. I know Hillary thought she had that shit sewed up, but that’s alright. It’s a race now motherfuckers!

But if I’m not a Republican and I’m not a Democrat…then what? Independent? That sounds kinds wishy-washy 2 me. Green Party? Not a fucking chance. What am I, Kermit the fucking Frog? How the fuck am I supposed 2 look motherfuckers in the eye and tell them I’m with the motherfucking Green Party? Why don’t U just go ahead and confiscate my cock now? I won’t be needing it. No one in the Green Party ever gets any pussy anyway. So, fuck that, my shit iz staying right where it iz, motherfuckers. Besides, U never know when somebody might escape from Stalag Sixty-Nine! HA! Get it? Sixty-Nine? Never mind, U worthless fucking…Where wuz I? Oh, yeah! How about the Communist party then? What? Are U fucking joking me? Look at my fucking picture. Do I look like a fucking Communist 2 U? Ok…bad example. My picture iz all fucking red and shit, so naturally I look like a fucking Communist. But I’m not, I swear! If U call me comrade I’ll kick Ur fucking ass. I mean that shit. U can ask my Cousin Sal if U don’t believe me. Has my cousin Sal ever lied 2 U? No. That’s what I fucking thought. So, what fucking business do U have questioning his integrity?

So, after serious consideration and much inner reflection I have decided that the path I shall take will be same as it has always been 4 me. I am going 2 take the path that makes the most sense, since that tends 2 also be the path of least resistance. Unless there iz a path that happens 2 lead past the Delaney Sisters’ house…in which case I take the path leading past the Delaney Sisters’ house. In this case the path which makes the most sense…the path which must be so obviously apparent 2 anyone with half a fucking brain…iz right…fucking…there! I’m running 4 President in 2008 as a candidate 4 the Whig Party!

Don’t be acting all shocked and shit. It ain’t like we ain’t never brought the big one home, now! I, 4 one, am proud 2 follow in the footsteps of our last great Whig President…Millard Fillmore, the Thirteenth President of these United States! Well…not these United States, cuz like right here wuz Mexico when my man Millard wuz running shit. But those United States had a motherfucking Whig in charge of shit! And my boy wuz smart about that shit 2. The motherfucker didn’t do shit the entire four years! Iz that fucking great or what? What a brilliant way 2 avoid scandal! Oh…U disagree? Well, maybe U would have been happier if Millard Fillmore would have invaded Canada, but that nigga (THAT’S RIGHT… I’M CALLING MILLARD FILLMORE MY NIGGA AND FUCK ANYONE WHO DON’T LIKE IT! NOW WHAT? Why? Cuz that fool wuz straight DOWN 4 the Whig! He didn’t give a fuck! That motherfucker would just as soon kill everybody. U can even see his ass in some portraits holding up three fingers…throwing that “W” 4 the Whig, bitch!) knew how not 2 rock the fucking boat! Something the current administration would do well 2 learn!

So, there it iz. I’m officially entering the race. Time 2 start churning out bumper stickers and buttons that say, “I want DICK in 2008” and “VOTE WHIG BITCH”. I have a feeling we are going 2 need a grip of them.

Keeping U posted,

DS

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Comments:

post a comment!

PrincessKissy

Feb 5 @ 2:50PM  
Have smaller stickers made, say... palm sized... keep one in your hand at all times, whilst you are patting women on the ass, you can just slap one on there, and voila... instant billboard!!

That idea is a freebee... you want more, I got hundreds.

I WANT DICK IN 2008

You da man. *nod nod*
DickSlippery

Feb 5 @ 2:53PM  
Sounds like somebody wants 2 be my campaign manager 2 me!

DS
BelAir789

Feb 5 @ 2:58PM  
Insanely clever as usual. A priceless beyond your wildest dreams Belair789 kudo for you. (not yet copyrighted)
ponme

Feb 5 @ 3:05PM  
I'd vote for ya. unless of course.. you know.. ronald mcdonald ran.. then all bets are off. muthafucker is a multi mcbillionair dude..
DickSlippery

Feb 5 @ 3:09PM  
Fuck Ronald Mc muthafuckin Donald! He's a fucking clown.

VOTE WHIG BITCH!

DS
Pudge2you

Feb 5 @ 3:26PM  
DS i'm pretty sure the PTA elections were last year, and as I recall a Mrs. Cathy Weltbottom is the president. Sorry to crush your dreams bro. Have a consolation Kudo for your efforts.
DickSlippery

Feb 5 @ 3:33PM  
That's why the first thing I'm doing iz deporting Ur monkey ass, Pudge!

Good luck in Albania, motherfucker!

DS
Looking4ever

Feb 5 @ 3:34PM  
I'm registered and I vote! Here's one for you!
belle1010

Feb 5 @ 3:38PM  
I want DICK in 2008! You betcha baby! Hmmmm what position do I get? Kissy gets Campaign Manager.
DickSlippery

Feb 5 @ 3:41PM  
Well, belle...the position I'd most like 2 see U in iz definitly doggy style , but as a big tittied nymphomaniac U pretty much write Ur own ticket in my administration.

DS
belle1010

Feb 5 @ 3:48PM  
Well alfuckinright! Where ya hiding those bumper stickers?
Pudge2you

Feb 5 @ 3:50PM  
Oooooo Albainia! There's a lot of empty space there now.. pretty much just me and System of a Down then. I wonder if all the widow Albainian chicks like "Wann Fucksky" e-mails?
veeruinus

Feb 5 @ 4:17PM  
I ll help with the campaiging . Sorry I dont have a right to vote in the US yet
DickSlippery

Feb 5 @ 4:22PM  
I thought U looked a little shifty 2 me, Veer!

But, that's ok...I can use all the help I can get. This iz a "GRASS" roots campaign, after all!

DS
tlc0766

Feb 5 @ 6:21PM  
Well I'll be more than happy to slap stickers on all the guys asses!!!
wtxman

Feb 5 @ 9:52PM  
The "feel good about yourself traveling evangelical circus" is 100% behind you> Note to Jezz: Cut out a couple of million from our "funds" and send to Brother Slippery for his campainge.
Luvrgrl

Feb 5 @ 10:53PM  
the path which must be so obviously apparent 2 anyone with half a fucking brain…iz right…

Your going to THE RIGHT???? HUH??? OMG.......R U ALRIGHT????
tetons

Feb 7 @ 8:18AM  
ok maybe you don't know me, but u just bot my undying allegiance with your GRASS roots campaign, as long as it's the topsi get. secratary of agriculture? VOTE WHIG BITCH

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WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part Two)