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The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Three)

posted 2/4/2007 12:19:55 AM |
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  DickSlippery

CONTINUED FROM B4 (that means don't read unless U have read Parts One and Two, dummy!)

That’s when I heard something behind me. I turned 2 look and saw my old buddy Cecil standing there in the doorway. I turned back, but by then the hater had scurried away.

DS: (Looking down) Where the fuck did he go?
Cecil: (Hollering back over his shoulder N2 the bar) Hey, Virg! U ain’t gonna believe this shit! The fucking pervert is doing it again!
Virgil: What the fuck are U talking about?
Cecil: Slippery iz in here talking 2 his pecker again!
Virgil: Well…we must not have lernt him good enough last time, Cecil! Drag his ass out here.
Cecil: Come here U fucking weirdo!

Cecil grabbed me by the back of my jacket and dragged me 2wards the center of the bar where Virgil wuz standing there grinning.

Virgil: Its good 2 see U again, Slippery! I needs me another one of those fancy tape recorders like that last one I got off U! I broke it trying 2 flip the tape over. Cecil fount one over by the Mack Donalds, but it only had but one battry, so we never did get it 2 work.
DS: Look fellas…this iz all a misunderstanding. I don’t want any trouble.
Cecil: Well, that’s just 2 bad, cuz trouble iz what U got, boy!

With that Cecil lunged 4ward 2 grab me. I stepped 2 the side and grabbed him by the forearm, pulling him 2wards me while simultaneously kicking him squarely in the knee he had all his weight planted on. The joint gave way with an audible SNAP! that sent chills down the spines of everyone in the room, and made Donna’s nipples poke through her tube top. He immediately fell 2 the ground and began screaming 4 his mother. Virgil wuz still standing there trying 2 process what had happened 2 his compatriot when I planted my Doc Martens square in the center of his nuts. U remember when Elam tied Dempsey’s record 4 longest field goal a couple years back? That’s what this looked like…if it had been a seventy-five yard kick instead! Virgil didn’t actually make any noise. His eyes did roll up N2 the back of his head and he made this weird, high pitched whooshing sound as he fell over on2 his side with a thud, but I really wouldn’t have characterized it as noise. I reached down and pulled a digital voice recorder from Cecil’s inside pocket. It wuz the one I had lost after my encounter with the Wonder Tots.

DS: I believe this iz mine. (Then I pulled out his wallet and emptied it. I tossed the wallet back down. I did the same with Virgil)
Max: I didn't see a fucking thing!
Cecil: U broke my fucking leg! I can see the fucking bone! Mama! Mama!

I stepped over the screaming figure below (confirming that wuz, in fact, the fucking bone!) and approached Donna. I put my arm around her.

DS: (2 Donna) U busy, baby? Cuz it just so happens I came N2 a little cash.
Donna: (Giggling) Iz that right? No…I can’t say I have much 2 do.
DS: (Walking with Donna 2wards the door) U wanna hang out? Why don’t we hang out? Uve met my mom, right?

And with that the two of us exited the bar and made my way 2 my mom’s trailer, where an hour and fifteen minutes later she and I were engaged in hot monkey sex when my mom walked in the door and caught us. Even as my mother wuz beating the holy shit out of me I can still remember thinking of how silly I had been 2 think 4 one second that a DickSlippery interview…especially the FINAL DickSlippery Interview could end in any other fashion than this.
Then I mercifully slipped N2 unconsciousness, while I still had two readers left.

Keeping U posted,

DS

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Side 4: 1. The Show Must Go On
Notes from the Campaign Trail Vol I
WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part Two)
WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part One)
Well, no fucking wonder...
6. Comfortably Numb
Top Ten Signs U Blog 2 Much
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas Vol. V
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Three)
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Two)
5. Bring The Boys Back Home
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part One)
Has anybody checked the weather in Hell?
It's Nice 2 Know Some Things Never Change (Part Two)
It's Nice 2 Know Some Things Never Change (Part 1)
It’s All Crap Anyway
4. Vera
3. Nobody home
Why God Doesn't Give a Fuck If Ur Amish
My NEW PIC Wuz APPROVED!!!
A MIME IS A TERRIBLE THING 2 TASTE


Comments:

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BelAir789

Feb 4 @ 12:40AM  
DickSlippery

Feb 4 @ 12:44AM  
Oh well...without the bombs the smashes would not be nearly as sweet. But honestly...I think all five fucking parts are worth doing just 4 the Birkenau: The Musical joke. That's just funny shit right there...I don't give a fuck who U are!

DS
cabl_guy

Feb 4 @ 5:30AM  
I like it! Just so you know, I read part 3 first just to piss you off.
wtxman

Feb 4 @ 8:29AM  
It's okay Brother Slippery;remember that you now have HMO/PPO. Just pay your deductable, and the out of pocket for the emergency room visit,and the 20% for all the misc. crap that we don't understand in the contract; and the "good" doctors will make you better.
Pudge2you

Feb 5 @ 11:52AM  
I admit I will miss the interviews. I'm glad you finally kicked some ass too ya pussy!

Whatever happened to whatsername anyway? Oh and a non copyright infringing kudo that has of couse not been given much value in the past and doesn't have good prospects for the future.

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The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Three)