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The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part One)

posted 2/3/2007 11:47:05 PM |
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I wuz sitting in The Thirteenth Step about 2 ask the bartender, Max if he knew whether or not any haters frequented the place when suddenly I had 2 piss like a fucking racehorse. The three readers I have left are just going 2 have 2 wait a minute while I let nature take its course. I got up 2 make my way 2 the pisser, sidestepping the drunken lunge of Donna, the local hooker. As I hurried 2 the bathroom I could hear Max in the background, “No funny stuff, Slippery. I’ll fucking beat U 2 death, U lousy bastard.”

“Maybe I should go keep an eye on him” suggested Donna.

“Maybe U should! Hey, why don’t we just start letting U bang the patrons right there on the pool table…” Max’s voice trailed off as the door closed behind me. I fucking had 2 go! I pulled up in front of the closest urinal and unzipped my fly. I unbuttoned my pants and did my business. I let loose an absolute torrent of piss. It wuz like Niagara fucking Falls or some shit. The worse part about it wuz…it didn’t look like it wuz going 2 let up anytime soon! As a matter of fact, the weight pulling down on my shit seemed 2 be getting heavier! Finally…the flow subsided.

That’s when I felt this odd tickle on my leg…well, not my leg…really. U know that little piece of skin between Ur nuts and Ur asshole that sends U through the roof every single fucking time she licks U there? Well…that’s where I felt the tickle. ‘My, that’s strange…’ I thought 2 myself as I bent 4ward 2 investigate. I moved my cock aside (a considerable task requiring both hands at one point), pulled up my balls and wuz shocked 2 discover that Dr. Squatbottom had been right! Haters do attach themselves 2 the balls of non-haters and that’s exactly what one had done 2 me! I’d had what I wuz looking 4 all along! Kinda like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz…but not really. Actually, I’d appreciate it if we just 4got about that analogy all 2gether. Yeah…I think it would be 4 the best. Thank U 4 Ur cooperation in this matter. I hastily pulled out my Digital Voice Recorder and switched it on. This iz a transcript of that exchange in its entirety.

After spotting the hater suckling my nuts, I reached down and plucked him from my scrotum, holding him by the back of his jacket. He immediately began protesting loudly and squirming all over the place.

Hater: Hey! Let me go!
DS: Hold on there just one minute, what the hell do U think Ur doing?
Hater: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m sucking Ur balls!
DS: OK…this iz just gross. Not 2 mention just a little bit weird.
Hater: (continuing 2 kick at me 2 no avail) Put me down!
DS: Listen here, little man. I will put U down on one condition.
Hater: What condition…that I quit banging Ur wife? Bah! Dah! Crash! (he actually pretended 2 be making a rim shot as he said this) Sorry, that’s a no can do on that one there, bud!
DS: No…actually I want U 2 sit down and answer a few questions…and give honest answers! No fucking bullshit.
Hater: Then U’ll let me go?
DS: Then I’ll let U go. But Ur gonna have 2 find someplace else 2 suck on balls, cuz that shit iz done here, Jack! U got that?
Hater: Yeah…whatever, whatever! Just put me down! I’ll answer whatever U want me 2!
DS: Alright then. No funny shit.
Hater: No funny shit. I read Ur blogs. That shouldn’t be a problem 4 U!

I set the hater down on the same ledge which held my digital voice recorder. He walked over 2 it and examined it thoroughly. He then cupped his hands 2 his mouth and leaned 4ward N2 the microphone and began shouting.

DS: Please don’t do that.
Hater: What’s the matter Slippery? Nervous? Afraid I might say something U won’t dare print? Afraid I might give away some of Ur secrets?
DS: U don’t know any of my secrets.
Hater: which I admit iz a problem, but that doesn’t interest me as I fully intend 2 blame it on someone else, anyway.
DS: Don’t U have a conscience?
Hater: Don’t I look awake 2 U? (2 himself)Wait…what the fuck iz a conscience again?(back 2 me again) Yeah…don’t I look awake 2 U?
DS: Never mind.
Hater: U see Slippery? That’s why Ur ass will never be on the Popular Blogs page right there!
DS: What are U talking about?
Hater: Ur a pussy, Slippery. U let me off the hook way 2 fucking easy! U don’t have the will 2 be on the Popular Blogs page!
DS: Ur full of shit! No one thing determines whether or not U get on the Popular Blogs page. It’s a combination of factors…
Hater: (interrupting) The views times the comments divided by the kudos blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard the party line 2, Slippery! No need 2 go over it again!
DS: What’s that supposed 2 mean?

That’s when he pulled out this little PDA and used it 2 pull up the AMD Popular Blogs Page.



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Blogs by DickSlippery:
Swinging, Huh? Sweet Chair U Got!
Side 4: 1. The Show Must Go On
Notes from the Campaign Trail Vol I
WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part Two)
WE WANT DICK!!!!! (Part One)
Well, no fucking wonder...
6. Comfortably Numb
Top Ten Signs U Blog 2 Much
Random Thoughts and Scattered Ideas Vol. V
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Three)
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part Two)
5. Bring The Boys Back Home
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part One)
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It's Nice 2 Know Some Things Never Change (Part Two)
It's Nice 2 Know Some Things Never Change (Part 1)
It’s All Crap Anyway
4. Vera
3. Nobody home
Why God Doesn't Give a Fuck If Ur Amish
I'm Boycotting Big Titties!
2. Is there anybody out there?
The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 4


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Feb 4 @ 8:58PM  
There I read it !

Feb 5 @ 11:23AM  
So did I! and thanks for continuing... as I am SURE it was MY request that made this possible.

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The FINAL DickSlippery Interview Pt. 5 (Part One)