Just sitting here thinking about my life, looking at the things I've done, those things I didn't do, and those things I still want to do.
I graduated high school, a community college, I'm about to graduate a four year college. I want to get my MSW, I want to get married. I want to be loved, and loved fully. I don't want to share that love with another man, I want to be the one that is loved fully and truly. And yet I don't give myself the chance to do that, I just stay in the relationships that even though they matter to me and that I love those people don't help me really to progress to that place. Friendship, a wonderful thing, an aspect of love, but not the aspect that I am wanting.
I don't know today's making me think about a song by Micheal Franti in his song "Everyone deserves music"
"Computer still runnin'/but your mind has crashed/Because the pans that you made never came to pass/now you recognizin' the times is hard/ when you tryiana take a bite out of your ATM card" (Copyright M. Franti 2003)
*sighs* What a life, but hey it's my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything thing. I made the choices that got me here, and no one else did.
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