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Thank GOD ...............The end of Juan.

posted 3/15/2014 10:53:29 AM |
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Andi dumps Juan Pablo. Like with most dumpings, it doesn’t happen fast. There’s a ton of talking. While she dramatically pours her heart out about how she’s angry with Juan Pablo, he nods and says, “Essokay”. She reaffirms her feelings and his coldness. He says, “Essokay.”

While explaining that he does have feelings, Juan Pablo says, “Am I going to die? No. Am I sad? Yes, because I did have feelings for Andi.” He says that directly to her. Normally, you don’t refer to a woman in the third person while speaking directly to her. He does it twice.

Andi brings up how Juan Pablo told her she was in St. Lucia by default and that she just barely beat out Renee to make it to this point in the game show. I’ve watched this show for more than a decade. That’s some pretty amazing dialogue, right there.

Juan Pablo blames his choice of words on his inability to speak the language that he’s been speaking for his entire life. The guy is from Rochester. He didn’t spend 25 years in a tree in Venezuela. He has a Netflix account and a favorite cast member of ‘How I Met Your Mother’. He wasn’t raised in a jungle.

There’s more confrontation and some bleeped vulgarity. It’s my least favorite form of vulgarity. Andi yells at Juan Pablo and he repeatedly says “Essokay” and declares that he doesn’t want to argue. He’s really just trying to get this over with.

I have a feeling that the women in next week’s ‘Women Tell All’ episode are going to boo Juan Pablo. I’m obsessed with the idea of this happening. It’s never happened. I’m more concerned with the live studio audience reaction of Juan Pablo’s entrance to next week’s show than I was about the last 12 presidential elections. Juan Pablo’s approval ratings have to be pretty low.

For the second time this season, Juan Pablo has been dumped. First, his Oprah singer dumped him. Then, attorney Andi dumped him. He takes his dumpings well for a man searching for a wife, mother and breeding partner. Juan Pablo is still on top of the dump standings with a pristine 21-and-2 record. He has clinched a ‘Dump’ playoff berth so, essokay.

Andi rides away in a 1972 van that drives on the wrong side of the road. She doesn’t cry a lot. There really hasn’t been enough crying this season. I wonder if this will affect the price of strawberries.

The rose ceremony is next and it’s pointless. With Andi’s departure, Clare and Nikki are the final two standing in the quest for a heartless man’s heart. They still hold a rose ceremony so Chris Harrison can touch Juan Pablo’s girlfriends on the back a couple of times. Juan Pablo doesn’t even change out of his ‘Andi scene’ shirt.

It just so happens that the two girls who hate each other the most are left. It’s like a Red Wings Avalanche playoff series from the 90’s or the battle between Ice Cube and that can of Coors Light.

Next week, the women tell all and we have to sit through two hours of the women telling all. I would prefer they told less than all. No one cares what I want, though. I guess essokay.
Greg Bauch

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Thank GOD ...............The end of Juan.