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It's been WAY TOO long

posted 9/24/2013 5:52:21 PM |
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  Luvrgrl

Wow! I have not been on here for quite some time. Weird how I miss it! There is something endearing about this place....it is always so comfortable.....

So? What have I been up to? Ugh! Living in a miserable relationship. Which is why I have turned to you guys.....what the fuck do I do?

I am living with a guy that is completely in love with me, and I just am not in love with him. Our relationship started out very rough and has never really gotten better. We have good times together, but when it's bad....it's UGLY! He is a sweetheart in many ways, but....I have really given up my life for him (in order to avoid conflict) and I miss my friends and my old life. It's nice to have companionship, but we really don't have a lot in common. He's jealous....and possessive....I just can't completely be myself with him. He has a serious alcohol addiction....he says if I leave him, he will start drinking again. I like to have a cocktail or two after work and always feel guilty when I drink around him. The whole thing is just fucked up. I just need to know how to leave the relationship in a way that is peaceful for both of us, and I don't have to hear from his family the next day that he drank himslef to death or killed someone when he decided to drive. When he drinks, he gets VERY verbally abusive with me, bordering becoming physical. Hi family has money, and if I threaten to call the police when he gets like that, he just threatens me right back legally. I have nothing....but just don't have the emotional strength to endure that kind of emotional abuse.

So....here I sit...6 months until our lease is up on this place....and we have to give a 60 day notice....I feel absolutely stuck.....I feel like the only way out is to move out when he is at work- get a restraining order and lay low for a few months until the dust settles....really? who wants to live like that???

My life before him was simple easy and quiet. I may have been single, but it was so much better back then. How did I get myself in this mess?

So....my dear constant (friends here on AMD) I'm lost..... What should I do?

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Comments:

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sugarnspice005

Sep 24 @ 6:30PM  
He sounds like an alcoholic...let me put it bluntly....his drinking is NOT your fault. He is manipulating you. I saw this scenario played out with my best friend and her ex husband....face it...you're going to have to get the restraining order, and, possibly a court order to have him removed from your house. That is what my friend had to do. If he's close to becoming violent...it's only a matter of time before he does.

Do NOT let yourself feel guilty about him at all!!! Love isn't about controlling and guilt trips. If his family has money, let them pay for the help he needs.

I'm not saying this to be mean, it's like I said, I've seen this played out in real life....it's not going to get better the longer you stay with him. You're enabling his actions by staying. Sooner or later, the verbal abuse will become physical. Sorry to say, there is no peaceful way to get out of it. He is going to yell, he is going to cry, he is going to threaten, he is going to blame. Unless you are close with anyone in his family that you feel he will listen to and you talk to them about helping you get him out of there...I see no peaceful way of getting out of this.


I'm sorry, but, there is just no easy way out of this.
Wordsofwit

Sep 24 @ 10:35PM  
Sugar says it pretty well.

I feel like the only way out is to move out when he is at work

Bingo
onehornytoad69

Sep 25 @ 6:38AM  
Hey Sweetie!
You are in a very tough situation...to say the least!!!
Only You can make this decision!!
The advise sugar gave you was really good though!!!

If you could Move away....it would really help!! But... most of us can't do that....!

The only advise I really have for you is....If you Know that this relationship is Over..and you are 100% Completely done with it.....Write this in Stone...and Don't look back!!! Meaning....when he Calls (Change your number) and he cries in your ear, don't let him persuade you to come back!!! Some PPL are really good at this!!!
I wish you the Bestest!!!
Take care and BE SAFE!!!
Lisa46

Sep 25 @ 10:20AM  
You are too good for this turmoil in your life. When the good times are rare and the rough times are the normal. Its time to leave. When you are made to feel guilty for trying to enjoy your life. Its time to leave. Unfortunately addictions are just that and its hard to overcome on a daily basis but YOU are not responsible for keeping the other person straight. When you are its time to leave.

Sugar gave great advice. We aren't there and I know its going to be hard. If you are able to leave when he is at work. Just go you are more important than anyone else, and you need to remember that.

Good luck and please keep up posted
soft_touch938

Sep 25 @ 11:02AM  
^^^^^WHAT THEY SAID!!!

My marriage of 30 years was physically abusive in the beginning then when that stopped, it became emotionally abusive then went to just plain controlling by manipulation and intimidation. No, it wasn't like that 24/7 but even in the good times, it was always like a weight held over my head knowing that all those other things were still there in the shadows just waiting to reappear.

IT IS NO WAY TO LIVE! I stayed with him until he died...what a waste of my life when I could've been free, happy and filled with peace of mind.

At this point, whatever he is is of no importance because you said you are not in love with him...that is what counts. NO ONE should ever give up their life for someone else and especially if you don't love that person.

Don't waste anymore of your life or time with him. You are so worth being happy and free but only YOU can achieve that. I'm not saying it'll be easy but yanno...nothing in life worth having ever comes easy.

Good luck young lady...you can do this 'cause I got faith in you. Keep us posted.

Hugs
Softie
Luvrgrl

Sep 25 @ 12:03PM  
I knew that I could get sage advice from all of you. I respect what you all have to say. This is not a fun time in my life and I miss sooooo much my old friends and the freedom to talk to them and spend time with them. If he had even a CLUE that I was on here- he would go postal! Coming here is like an old blanket- it's always there hanging over the couch....until I need to wrap myself up in it. Thank goodness for you guys....weird I know....but so true....

I'm off to run errands now as he is at work. One nice thing is we have opposit schedules- he works days and I work nights! But it sucks on my days off!

I will keep you all posted- promise! Thank you.....so so much for speaking TRUTH!
RJ53

Sep 25 @ 8:47PM  
Best thing to do in situations like this is move out, change your phone number and do not let him know where you live, Have been there only this person's poison of choice was drugs, The threats of legal action are just that and meant to scare you into staying, Borderline physical abuse will become real physical abuse sooner or later, Take it from someone who had to knock out an ex husband with a brass vase one time that you do not want things to get that bad, Only you can make the decision but the best advice is to get out before things take a turn for the worse,
Wordsofwit

Sep 26 @ 7:24PM  
Respectfully, in the cyber world and in the real world I have sadly seen women in this situation reach out. But, in the end for whatever reason, when all was said and done, the woman didn't do a damned thing It was all just meaningless conversation and a waste of words for those who tried to help

In my real world life, one woman did nothing and the abuse escalated from being controlled and mental to being physical. She worried about him becoming physically abusive and violent. She was right, dead right. He beat her to death

If something bad goes down, you and he are responsible for it. He for obvious reasons. You, well you are both a victim and an accomplice. The reason is that you chose to stay in that situation and did nothing. You have options but do you have courage?
Luvrgrl

Sep 26 @ 11:11PM  
FUCK MY LIFE!!! I'M SITTING IN THE PARKING LOT OF CULVERS BECAUSE I WENT HOME AND HE HAD TAKEN 3 VASES AND A SET OF DRIED ROSES FROM MY GRANDMOTHERS FUNERAL AND BUSTED THEM AND THREW THEM IN THE TRASH. FUCK ME!!!!
PaulRocks69

Oct 2 @ 1:26PM  
Hello There,

I read what you had to say about the abusive relationship, I know what that is-I walked away from several like that in 2011 after a twenty year period> Never again, I feel that now at 60, I gave the best of my life to women who didn't sppreciate a loyal devoted man like me. In the end they left for other men. So here I am looking for someone like you who deserves to be treated right all the time and vice versa!

I want to tell you the situation you are in will NOT geti better but worse. Being a counselor for thirty four years and a victim of physical, Emotional and Mantal Abuse the manipulator never changes. My advice-stop spinning your wheels! My name is {email address removed}. :-)

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It's been WAY TOO long