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Life in a Box…

posted 8/12/2013 11:00:00 AM |
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Grab a cuppa coffee...this is a long read. Not into long reads? Then thanks for stoppin' in, have a good day.

So, anyhoo...

I am my parents and their parents and their parents before them and so on and so forth. I don’t claim to have a lot of knowledge of my family history but I know enough to know…my limitations were many and my ability to stretch those limitations offered little options.

Maybe I’m somewhat short-sited when I think of my family and my growing up days. Were we really so different than other families of that era? I can’t answer that knowledgeably. Yet what little knowledge I do have in this small box I call my life, it appears none of my classmates/friends/family members ever made it much farther in life than me.

I’m convinced that those who lived in/grew up in cities stood a much better chance at life with few limitations…the larger the city, the better. They were surrounded by culture, opportunities, exposure to a multitude of lifestyles. I’m talking about the average family, middle to upper class families. Of course, I’m not knowledgeable about growing up in the city…I didn’t. But anyone with half a brain knows that being surrounded by a multitude of people from all walks of life, an endless source of entertainment/events and places to frequent such as museums, live theater, mammoth libraries…the list goes on and on and being a country girl, I can’t even fathom what all is offered in cities that goes beyond my imagination.

I know MY life…part country, part small town. I am a fifties child…born in 1944, but most of my memories are in the fifties. My grandparents on my mom’s side were farmers…bib overalls ‘n gum boots…feedsack dresses and bib apron. A double farmhouse, one living quarters, the other, kitchen, smokehouse and woodhouse…and no running water or inside plumming.

I imagine (although it may not be so) that my Mother and her siblings never considered much more than marriage, kids and a common-type job. One brother joined the Navy and made a career there. When he retired from the Navy, he was a car salesman. The other brother became a barber. The sisters married and had kids. One sister married a farmer and to my knowledge, never worked anywhere. The other sister (and Mom) I remember worked together in the summers at the tomato factory. Then the sister took a factory job and worked there ‘til she retired…she married a factory worker. My dad worked for the electric company. Mom worked at the G.C. Murphy’s five ‘n dime store to help with finances when they bought a house. When dad got transferred to another town, she didn’t work again until dad died. Then she went back to work for the Dime store until she retired.

To shorten this story, my sisters married and divorced (not my oldest one…she married a farmer and never worked a job outside the home.) The other two married men with common jobs. One sister worked in the school cafeteria for years, then a factory until she retired. The other sister worked in a factory until she retired.

Now I’m not saying factory work is a bad thing. What I’m saying is…none of my sisters ever furthered their education to become a professional. (Nor did they marry professional men.) In my family, furthering one’s education was never a topic of conversation that I’m aware of. I had one sister who attended Beauty College, got pregnant and dropped out. She later worked at General Electric which sold to Lockheed Martin then something-or-other Aircraft. It was a good job but it was still a factory.

I think about my classmates…which wasn’t many in my small school. I only know of one who went to college to be a teacher. Sad story there. She married, had kids then was struck with a brain aneurysm and is spending the rest of her life almost child-like. Her husband divorced her and moved on. Even her kids won’t have much to do with her.

There aren’t any kids (that I’m aware of) that I went to high school with…nine thru twelve…that became a professional anything…or even married a professional anyone. College wasn’t stressed in the home or even in school. It was out of the realm of small town, small school thinking.

I have watched a lot of my classmates flounder through life. Divorces, promiscuity, alcohol, drugs…so much later-in-life problems. The kids of the forties and fifties were ill prepared for the sixties and beyond. I’m talking about country kids, small town kids. Naïve, old fashioned thinking. Our world was like living in a box. Life was simple according to our upbringing…get married, hold a common job, and raise kids to do the same.

Some escaped all this…but I almost have to believe they moved to where the opportunities were. Where they were exposed to life outside that box. Their brains kicked in and their eyes opened to all the world had to offer and they took it…and you can bet, they’ll raise their kids very different than they were raised!

Continued in comments...

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Aug 12 @ 11:00AM  
I’m not saying I’m a living example of that era, small town or country. Everybody’s life is touched differently by circumstances and situations. Yet, many are like me…our life was swayed by how we were raised, what we were taught and most of all, by what we weren’t taught. All those opportunities that we were never offered, that our parents assumed weren’t in the cards for their kids. Our lives would be a carbon copy of theirs and their parents and their parents before them.

Personally, I went on to experience a lot of things that a gal should never have experienced. I was caught between ‘old fashioned thinking’ and that sixties-free-sex-if-it-feels-good-do-it era. I had no real parenting, no boundaries, no rules, no real examples set before me that opened doors to better things, better choices, a better life. I assumed, as did my parents, that a career was only for rich kids, city kids. It was a monumental task to consider college because our school was so small that they couldn’t offer college-bound kids the courses they’d need. That would mean having to attend classes after graduation in order to obtain those courses. Time consuming and costly before they ever set foot a in college.

I can’t speak for the majority…obviously. I can only speak for myself and the knowledge I’ve gotten from those friends I’ve talked to…or observed. Rural life from way-back-when, it seems, produced a generation of kids that are having a tough time in this new world. As much as I’ve done in my life and all that I’ve seen and experienced has always been a thorn to my fifties way of thinking. I am rural through and through yet a part of me jumped with both feet into the sixties lifestyle. That was the part of me that rebelled against the lack of parenting in my life. I sorely needed caring parents that taught me about life and when they didn’t, I just went looking for it. My first daughter was the result. I was all of fifteen years old.

I was to stay in that mode for the next 48 years!

Then something happened…my thinking began to go backwards. Is that a sad thing? I don’t think so…JMHO. I think it’s wonderful that the kids nowadays have so many opportunities…even in rural, small towns. But my thinking…my opinions, my morals…have returned to the fifties. (And for those few here that have a more personal knowledge of me and may be wondering…no, sex is not a part of my life, just caring and companionship.)

I set on the sidelines and watch people (around my age) I care about trying to adapt to new lifestyles and I can see their struggles. A lot of things doesn’t set well with them. I’m talking about people my age who were raised rural, small town and now live in an era of anything goes. I see them lose touch with who they really are, deep down inside themselves. I see them experiencing things in a world that they’re trying to fit into. They don’t want to grow old. They don’t want to hang onto old fashioned thinking and ways, so they live in denial to their true selves.

Just a disclaimer here: I’m not saying all people my age and older are struggling with the life ‘n times of this era. I think I may be the oldest blogger here and I also believe my being a female will set my opinions apart from the men here.

To continue…

Blog subjects have been discussed here from every direction. The following only concerns MY blogs.

I could write sex blogs, no problem. I have the ability. I can write stories with explicit sex scenes, no problem. But I cannot write blogs about my personal sex life from my past. Been there/done that. Now it’s all a part of my life that I just want to forget…not proud of it even a fraction!

Sex subjects doesn’t interest me in the slightest…at least not vulgar, trashy sex. I’ve never considered trashy, vulgar sex to be a ‘hot subject’. Lovemaking is another story. For me, lovemaking, in written words should tell just enough to spur the imagination. Yet many in this site want trashy, vulgar sex talk. I think that demeans an experience between two consenting adults. Again, JMHO. I do write ‘trash talk’ in my stories because I know it’s what most like. After the story is written and either posted here or sent to interested parties, I rewrite the sex scenes into love scenes before I print it.

My involvement in the blogs pretty much mirrors my real life. I avoid trash talk. Vulgar behavior isn’t becoming on anyone, male or female. I know there’s some here who will disagree with that ‘n that’s ok. I lived that kind of life for a long time and it is never far away from me. Trust me, there’s some blogs that can immediately call that old person to the surface but then I think about a couple of people in my neighborhood that drops the f-bomb every other word and uses every cuss word they ever learned and I ask myself, do I really wanna sound like them? NOT! Do I say the word ‘fuck’? Yep…now ‘n again but it isn’t the main word in my vocabulary!

Continued in next comment...

Aug 12 @ 11:01AM  
So, as I get older, I am regressing…it will probably happen to you, too. You’ll be adamant that that isn’t so…well so was I a few years ago. We all change…well, most do anyway. Some sooner, some later but unless you die, you’re gonna get old. You’ll mellow. You’ll slow down and find that so many things just aren’t important anymore. Sex may be one of them…or not. Things that you deny now so quickly will eventually become a reality whether you like it or not.

You’ll spend a lot of time looking backwards. Your memories will become more precious. Those things that make steam come out your ears now will seem so petty and irrelevant in a few more years. A lot of things that you thought were important, won’t be and there will be things that will become your center…quality of life, not quantity. Serenity, not busy-ness. Peace, every day, peace within.

I began life as my parents and their parents and so forth and evolved into a world that my parents couldn’t even imagine but now I steadily drift back to being my parents. I have pretty much returned to the box from whence I came. Don’t misunderstand…I don’t live in the past, I just find that I’m returning to the beliefs, standards and moral attitude of those growing up years and in doing so, obviously, I don’t much fit in anywhere.

I’ve become quieter. The past two years have taught me to keep my mouth shut…I am the outcast, the misfit and the turmoil and drama stirred up by stating my opinions that disagree with others just isn’t worth the hassle.

Someone told me recently that I seemed to have lost my spunk and spirit…and I have to an extent. Mostly, I just keep those things hidden or turn them more inwards. By the standards of todays world, I’m not old but I’m no spring chicken anymore, either. I’m not ready to lay down and die. But I am tired of endless squabbling or debates over differences of opinions. Instead, I stay quiet and let others think they’ve won…my silence, to them is agreement so they leave me alone. (On important issues, I don’t back down but neither will I waste my time and energy fighting.)

I certainly don’t have the energy to be full of piss ‘n vinegar in the blogs. I do my darndest to watch what I say so it won’t cause an upheaval so that leaves my blogs mundane and without the spunk or spirit that I use to have…peace…that’s what I want now. Peace and serenity. A dull life to most but yanno what? I had 60+ years of excitement…sexual and otherwise…so I regress in my heart to a time when life was simpler, softer, safer. A time when even dysfunctional families still felt like families. Where families were in close proximity and spent time and holidays together and in my case, those times were magical.

I face a world everyday as best as I can. I watch the dramas unfold around me. Watch those closest to me lose themselves in their struggle not to get old…dipping their toes into the waters of things they once would never have considered doing and on the other hand not doing the things they should. It seems life is all about the fast lane anymore…be there or be square.

I’m the square. I am not ready to die but I will accept aging gracefully. I don’t have to agree with the way others live but I also don’t have to get into brew-ha’s over it either. I maintain a healthy distance, put on my public face to make those around me happy then I slip off to enjoy my peace and quiet, serenity. For me that’s where it’s at.

You don’t agree? That’s ok, too.

Softie in my box…’n happy to be there.

Aug 12 @ 1:34PM  
Some escaped all this…but I almost have to believe they moved to where the opportunities were.

The school I went to in high school lacked the courses I needed to get into college so I took courses from a school in Chicago by mail and taught myself the last two years of high school, I had a one person cheerleader in everything I did like that in my mom's dad, The rest of the family pretty much thought I had lost my mind, They really thought I had lost it when I packed my bags and left for New York with a hundred dollars and a suitcase, Best thing I did in my life, My mom's generation pretty much grew up in a rural area and experienced the kind of lifestyle you are describing, The generation of my cousins and myself who were fifties and sixties kids had a completely different kind of life, Almost all of us went to college and no one became a farmer, I think my mom's younger brother was the last farmer in the family one of his kids became a pharmacist and the other one a lawyer, We had two college professors in the family whose parents never finished high school, Everyone pretty much had to work their way through college on their own, As the only girl in the family everyone thought I would get married out of high school and just settle down,and when I set out on my own there was more than a few raised eyebrows, They thought women just did not do that,

I think location and availability of resources has a lot to do with how things change from generation to generation in families, In my case a twenty dollar bus ticket could get you to a whole new world,

Aug 12 @ 2:16PM  
Softie I would love to see the rewrite of the story you just sent me. I would like to see how you write a love scene I bet it reads as well if not better than the ones you write in your stories for AMD are to send others. I believe they would be a lot better for publication than the raw sex you write here!
And how can you write a kinky sex thing in a story about bikers and not have at least one good hair pulling, shove it down her throat blowjob? LOL

Aug 12 @ 6:03PM is different for every individual...the makeup of the family and so forth. My parent's parents were really behind the times and therefore, so was my parents. Even the tiny town and school I went to didn't talk about college or even a kids was just assumed we'd follow in our folks footsteps or we would figure out on our own how to futher our education or move away from small town thinking.

I applaud you for your accomplishments...that was some brave moves! You was made of some pretty tough stuff and you thought your way out of the box. I'm proud of you!

Ok rascal you! lol In my story, Blake was a 'biker man'...the kind that could be very tough but he knew how to treat a woman with respect. I can write about explicit sex but I can't write about sex that I feel is crossing over the line and grabbing a woman by the hair and shoving his dick down her throat is definitely crossing the line in my book. I've had that done to me more than once and I threated them serious bodily harm (right where it will hurt the most) if they ever did it again. I honestly believe that any man that would do that should have it done to them just once...guaranteed he'll never do it to another woman again!

It may take me quite a while to rewrite those parts of that story. How about I pick one of my other stories that I've already rewritten those explicit scenes to love scenes and send it to you? When I get those scenes changed in Distant Thunder I'll try to remember to send it to you. How's that?

Aug 12 @ 7:12PM  
Growing up here in Michigan, most of the men in my family worked for GM, and mom and aunts were content to stay home with the kids.

As for my sisters, and my cousins, some have moved onto other things, I went to college, Us kids have moved away from the whole concept of relying on GM to provide a stable life, and have opted to study in fields we had interest in.

Aug 12 @ 11:56PM late husband's family lived in Flint. His dad worked at GM...he was among those so many years ago that fought and established the union. Wayne worked there briefly and his sister, I'm sure, retired from there.

It was a good paying job with good benefits. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being a factory worker.

What I was saying was, I knew almost no one who peeled away from small town thinking to go on to college and establish a career in something besides manual labor. I'm sure there were some but more didn't than did.

Although we have one big city not far from here, this county and all the surrounding counties are mostly farm land. There are medium sized towns and tiny burgs dotted here 'n there but there's miles 'n miles of cornfields, wheat fields, bean fields and just plain nothing but country.

I still think the location where one grows up, plays a huge role in how their life will turn out. Especially when they began in the 40's and 50's. There was to be a huge change from those years to the years of the 60's and beyond. It was a lot to take in for kids back then. Some adjusted, many didn't.

Aug 13 @ 10:12AM  
40's are my parents "time", I was a kid then teenager in the 70's and 80's, Generation X, the "me generation". We grew up with "life is a party" and some have not grown out of that yet.

I see nothing wrong with factory workers, like I said, my dad, his brothers, his father, my mom's brother and her father....all worked for GM. None of my dad's sisters went to college, although, one of his sisters-in-law does have a baking certificate...she can create the coolest cakes and other pastries! I've seen some of the wedding cakes she's made for weddings and wow!!! And those are not just whipped up in a couple of hours either.

The little town I grew up in is a mixture of subdivision and farmland. I didn't grow up in the city. There were fields to play in, wooded areas to explore, we could ride our bikes on the street and not worry about cars. My class, when we graduated, most went onto college, one friend who I had lost touch with over the years, found me on face book a while back, and when I asked him how he had been...he told me he "almost made it". "It" being, his one huge dream since jr. high was he wanted to play pro football for the Lions. I can proudly say that in our freshman year, and then again in our senior year, the same guys accomplished a perfect season of NO losses! Yep, they won state championships! Anyway, my friend had made it to the Lions training camp, he did play on their smaller league, and he could have made it to the NFL, but a knee injury took care of that dream. He later learned and then became a karate instructor. He still has the football player build.

Yes, where we grew up, and our home life, has a lot to do with what kind of adults we become.

Aug 14 @ 2:23AM  
Corinthians Chapter 13, verse 11. It reads:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

I guess I've never much liked the idea of being a “grown up”. It always seemed grown ups had too much perspective than was good for them. That growing up somehow meant life had beat you into submission. And reality had set in. Perception is reality, but only half the time.

Without wax,

Aug 14 @ 12:55PM  
My dearest do make me think (out of my box?) Maybe that's why I like you so much?

I am familiar with that scripture.

I've had to read your comment several times to (hopefully) get the right perspective on it. But then I have the reality of that perspective or is it just what I want to make of it? And is that perspective in or out of my box?

Sigh...methinks I'm thinking too much....

Aug 14 @ 8:37PM  
This is probably the longest blog I have ever seen

To a large extent in small towns, beyond being a cashier or something, you either work at the only game in town or you have to move.

Aug 15 @ 1:52AM  
What can I say? I was on a Been a long dry season...shrugs....

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Life in a Box…