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literary --THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM

posted 8/5/2013 4:24:43 AM |
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  J1958

It was different this time – different in ways I couldn’t explain when we were dating; different in ways I didn’t even know about then.

How can I tell it? It’s such a big thing inside me. I think, if I ever found the voice to explain it, it might leap out of my pocket and consume me. And that’s not at all a literary reference – it’s a legitimate concern.

Early yesterday morning when the dew was sparkling on a carpet of grass I’d just mowed the day before, I walked out onto the deck in my boxers. One can do that in the country. Missy the outdoor cat yawned at me, stretched and ambled toward me with her erect tail twitching. It’s the kitty version of “Wassup?” A scratch or two after that, I walked to the edge of the deck, parted the seam in my shorts and began the morning dangle, as I awaited relief of a pressing domestic urgency. Whoever said, “The world is my oyster,” lived in the country and was referring to his bathroom.

As I stood there inhaling the sweet summer morning that only comes to Virginia’s pristine Shenandoah Valley, I spied a big fat groundhog less than 15’ from me, jaws moving in a rounded grind, grass blades decorating his snout, he was staring as if to ask, what manner of man is this, who came to breakfast just to piss?

A few feet to the right of the groundhog, a baby squirrel, part of a litter I’d been watching grow for a couple weeks, clung to the side of a grandfather oak. He froze just beneath the representation of a face, consisting of lips, nose and a pair of eyes that Tulip had tacked to the tree. He is not the only human tree Tulip has created. There are 4-others in the yard around the deck. She does not know I have given them each a name. This one is Cumberpatch, because he looks stuffy in a British sort-of way.

Warbling a chirping preamble, a cardinal redder than the mess left over from a Tarantino film, punctuated the frame as he lit in a pear tree just to the left of the groundhog, and I saw it all with a third eye just above the covered deck. We were folks of independent means…on our own, but together in that moment. We were a snapshot; the bounty of the forest surrounding a plump, bewhiskered Snow White, servicing his bladder problem.

I can’t say why the groundhog, the squirrel, the cardinal and Cumberpatch decided to appear all at once in a montage that took me to The Magic Kingdom, but I knew who called them there. It was Tulip. She’s always doing that.

Marriage is risky business. It’s not unlike the bank robbery you committed the first time for the money, the second time for fun and the third time just because you knew you’d finally learned how to do it right. And you can’t explain the smug satisfaction you feel when you discover you were right about being right.

I looked down into the dirt below the deck. It wasn’t the only thing I’d pissed away. There were also the sixty years in service to the world’s expectations of me. It’s never a thing you can properly squeeze into words, but back in your brain pan there’s this life-long question that nags you through the first pair of marriages, the kids, the career, and whatever great cars you once owned. It puts a simple proposition. Will I ever get a chance to be me, and who, exactly, would that be?

Tulip helped me find him; just like she put the players in the snapshot there to comfort me in the opening moments of that summer day. I could never spend enough years with her, but standing there on the deck, still half asleep and groping for the zipper in my undershorts, I knew one morning was all I really required.

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by J1958:
DREAMS OF THE EVERY-DAY RETIREE
WASTED DAYS AND WASTED SITES
HELPING GEEZERS STAY HIP
literary --THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM
AMERICAN ANTHEM 2 0 1 6
Essay – Does POT = PEACE?
Opinion – WHAT I LEARNED IN THE 5TH GRADE ABOUT PATRIOTISM
informational -- The New News
WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR DISRESPECT?
more satire - WHAT? YOU WANT TO USE YOUR STRAP-ON?
satire - TEN THINGS COMING IN THE NEXT 50-YEARS
WHY THE LONE RANGER CAN’T CATCH A BREAK
I’M COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET !
EGYPT; A Lesson in Sociology
I HAVE BEEN WRONG ON GAY MARRIAGE AND MUST CONFESS IT
PRIMER ON USE OF THE BRAIN
IT'S TIME SOMEONE MENTIONED...
BE GLAD YOU'RE ALREADY HERE !
THE ALL NEW ALL LIBERAL OSCARS
satire - A World Without Women


Comments:

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Wordsofwit

Aug 6 @ 8:36AM  
Wonderful read Worthy of green thingie.

There is something about the moments just before dawn when the the stars slowly fade and the sky begins to lighten. It is a time for reflection and repose. As dawn slips in our surroundings come into view creating an environment where elements of our lives in hindsight also briefly come into view food a fleeting moment. Memories and their emotions, snippets of our mosaic, pass over us as we take in perspectives on the past. They briefly touch us as they ride with the breeze. A new day is beginning, tomorrow's yesterday.
J1958

Aug 6 @ 10:53AM  
Yeah...yeah, that's what I meant to say.
theSkwirl

Aug 6 @ 1:45PM  
You have a zipper in your undershorts? Really? What brand?
J1958

Aug 6 @ 4:26PM  
The brand is "Eatmy Shorts".
TwistAndShout

Aug 6 @ 5:28PM  
There is something about the moments just before dawn when the stars slowly fade and the sky begins to lighten. It is a time for reflection and repose. As dawn slips in our surroundings come into view creating an environment where elements of our lives in hindsight also briefly come into view for a fleeting moment.

...especially if you're standing on your deck with your flaccid wienie in hand, giving a woodchuck a golden shower.

Let's hope it's not a poop deck.
Wordsofwit

Aug 6 @ 5:31PM  
^^^ WTF is that shit all about, what brought that on... are you referring to me?????^^^^
TwistAndShout

Aug 6 @ 6:17PM  
^^^ WTF is that shit all about, what brought that on... are you referring to me?????^^^^

No. Merely completing the tie-in between your comment on the ability of early morning to evoke memory and emotion, and J's description of peeing on his newly mown grass while observing the fauna.
Wordsofwit

Aug 6 @ 6:40PM  
Okay, my man I though so, but wasn't quite sure
whosewho

Aug 6 @ 6:58PM  
J1958.....looks like your tick is back......LOL.........this one feeds on your blogs. Most ticks move to a warm, moist location, so check your ass. He's most likely headed in that direction......LOL>>>>>>>
TwistAndShout

Aug 6 @ 8:56PM  
Most ticks move to a warm, moist location, so check your ass. He's most likely headed in that direction

When it comes to proctological matters, Doc is your go-to-guy, J. He spends a lot of time with his head up his ass.
Wordsofwit

Aug 6 @ 10:55PM  
Most ticks move to a warm, moist location, so check your ass. He's most likely headed in that direction.

If j finds it to be a problem he can easily deal with it as a good fart should dispatch you
J1958

Aug 7 @ 5:26AM  
It's important to note here that it has been some time since I've been able to give good fart. Simultaneously, I believe a tepid breeze would discourage this particular breed.
TwistAndShout

Aug 7 @ 7:58AM  
Warbling a chirping preamble as he lit in the red-bud tree just to the left of the groundhog, a cardinal redder than the mess left over from a Tarantino film punctuated the frame, and I saw it all with a third eye just above the covered deck. We were folks of independent means…on our own, but together in that moment. We were a snapshot; the bounty of the forest surrounding a plump, bewhiskered Snow White, servicing his bladder problem.

In all seriousness, J, this paragraph should be entered into the Bulwer-Lytton contest.
J1958

Aug 7 @ 1:47PM  
In all seriousness, J, this paragraph should be entered into the Bulwer-Lytton contest
.

Twist...I would never do a thing like that, but it's a damn stout compliment, nonetheless, and I know it kills you to deliver it up. Thus, it is even more appreciated and a glorious example of your GB (general bignitude).

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literary --THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM