AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

more satire - WHAT? YOU WANT TO USE YOUR STRAP-ON?

posted 7/12/2013 6:42:14 PM |
0 kudosgive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
  J1958

I think I might have lived too long. Over the years, I’ve seen women wear shoulder pads to make their shoulders look more like a man’s. I’ve seen them wear combat boots to make their feet look more like a man’s. The playful wearing of blue jeans rolled up nearly to the knees has blossomed into dress suits with pants, and now…the ultimate assault on gender sanity -- they’re wearing artificial dicks and sticking them up the asses of men everywhere.

There’s a name for the affliction that causes a woman to strap on an artificial cock, but the more popular the activity becomes, the less you hear the name, and the more ardently women insist there is NO SUCH THING. Matter of fact, the guy who coined the term “penis envy” has been routed from social science, despite having once been referred to as the Father of Modern Psychology.

If you can get a picture in your mind of a woman wearing nothing but a pair of shoulder pads, combat boots and a rubber cock with a comic book text bubble above her head reading, “Penis envy? What’s that?” you’ll have to choke yourself to keep from laughing.

The only thing funnier than that is a picture of a man on all fours taking a rubber dick up his ass and insisting he is heterosexual. If you want a dick up your ass so badly, you’re willing to get a woman to strap on a rubber facsimile, at least shut up about your orientation and just grunt.

It’s funny as hell, until you realize the only people who see the humor in it are elderly geezers like me and the worms crawling in and out of Sigmund Freud’s bones. Is it just me or has this world become one fucked up place since I came to live here?

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by J1958:
AMERICAN ANTHEM 2 0 1 6
Essay – Does POT = PEACE?
Opinion – WHAT I LEARNED IN THE 5TH GRADE ABOUT PATRIOTISM
informational -- The New News
WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR DISRESPECT?
more satire - WHAT? YOU WANT TO USE YOUR STRAP-ON?
satire - TEN THINGS COMING IN THE NEXT 50-YEARS
WHY THE LONE RANGER CAN’T CATCH A BREAK
I’M COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET !
EGYPT; A Lesson in Sociology


Comments:

post a comment!

TwistAndShout

Jul 13 @ 6:42AM  
Is it just me or has this world become one fucked up place since I came to live here?

Now, now, J... See, the whole strap-on thing isn't new. It was always going on, but nobody talked about it.

Everyone knows the scandal involving Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemmings. But how many people know that ol' Tom used to have Sally strap on a length of carved loblolly pine, bend him over, and assist him in his pursuit of happiness?

Or that Robert E. Lee used to order his wife Martha to mount up and penetrate his anterior defense perimeter?

Or that Nancy Reagan enjoyed turning the tables on Ronnie and making him be "mommy."

Throughout our history, it's a fact that behind every great man, there's a woman with a gigantic fake penis, driving him to succeed. You should thank God for it.

J1958

Jul 13 @ 12:31PM  
Clever...but it doesn't explain what Eve did with the fig leaf after she took it off.
DanteAlighieri

Jul 14 @ 1:32AM  
LOL>>>>> An anal historian?
thenewguy295

Jul 14 @ 8:18AM  
"... a man on all fours taking a rubber dick up his ass and insisting he is heterosexual..."

Anything other than straight missionary style sex is obvious latent homosexuality making its way to the surface.
Masturbation, that's a male hand on your junk, hello GAY!
Female on top, obviously that makes you the bottom, once again GAY!
Oral sex, c'mon that started out as a gay alternative to hetero and I won't even get into anal (get into anal, get it?) anything anal automatically = GAY!!
Doggy style, just mimicking the gays.

Come to think of it, missionary style can be done by two gays.....so I guess there are no straight sexual positions at all making everyone queers. Any man having sex with a woman is so obviously gay, no matter what they are doing together.
J1958

Jul 14 @ 11:33AM  
Newguy...exactly! This is why forbearance and abstinence are the only truly heterosexual behaviors and the only truly straight men are in the priesthood. .
theSkwirl

Jul 15 @ 3:49PM  
the only thing wrong, sexually, between two consenting adults, is something that one of them does not want.
J1958

Jul 15 @ 8:08PM  
the only thing wrong, sexually, between two consenting adults, is something that one of them does not want.

I don't think it's for any of us to decide what is right or wrong about the sexual behavior between two consenting adults. I think it's for them to decide.

Of course, that has nothing to do with law or the nature of marriage. These issues must be decided based on what is right or wrong for the species and we ALL share in that assignment.

In all such matters as this there is a definitive line of demarcation between the interests of the individual and the interests of the collective. Before one can arrive at the most reasonable course, there must be a consensus about which of these concerns should be served in decisions relating to the issue.

Since we are speaking about the welfare of the human species, this one is a no-brainer.
theSkwirl

Jul 16 @ 8:00PM  
Isn't that exactly what I said? The only thing that is morally wrong regarding sexuality displayed between consenting adults is something that one of them doesn't want to do.
TwistAndShout

Jul 16 @ 8:46PM  
Of course, that has nothing to do with law or the nature of marriage. These issues must be decided based on what is right or wrong for the species and we ALL share in that assignment.

So J, are you saying that we need to ban married people from engaging in strap-on sex, or are you using this topic to once again launch into a gay marriage tirade?

I must say, you have gay marriage on the brain. But let me just suggest that if you really want to stay on this crusade, lose your "human race cannot survive gay marriage" line. It would be hard to come up with a less convincing argument.
J1958

Jul 17 @ 1:35AM  
Isn't that exactly what I said? The only thing that is morally wrong regarding sexuality displayed between consenting adults is something that one of them doesn't want to do.

It was never my design to argue the "morality" of homosexuality. My concern is that the way in which we treat homosexuality can impact the future of humanity. Thus, SURVIVAL is my subject -- not morality, which I consider to be an invention of the church created to inspire shame and feelings of guilt.
J1958

Jul 17 @ 1:47AM  
No, Skwirl…it’s not “exactly” what you said. Here’s a paste of what you said:

the only thing wrong, sexually, between two consenting adults, is something that one of them does not want.

Here's a paste of what you claim to have said:

The only thing that is morally wrong regarding sexuality displayed between consenting adults is something that one of them doesn't want to do.

The addition of the word “morally” changes the entire meaning of your assertion. What’s right in the pursuit of survival can easily be viewed as immoral in the context of an agenda devoted to social issues. Just so…what is wrong in the pursuit of survival can easily be viewed as moral in that same agenda. And this is chiefly what we are debating, so to insert the word “morally” into your second edition of the statement materially alters the meaning of the assertion. Not allowed in an honorable debate. And definitely NOT "exactly" what you said.
J1958

Jul 17 @ 2:17AM  
So J, are you saying that we need to ban married people from engaging in strap-on sex, or are you using this topic to once again launch into a gay marriage tirade?

Gay marriage tirade.

I must say, you have gay marriage on the brain. But let me just suggest that if you really want to stay on this crusade, lose your "human race cannot survive gay marriage" line. It would be hard to come up with a less convincing argument.

"On the brain"? "Crusade"? "Argument"? There's no argument or crusade, and I'm not especially interested in it. I'm simply pointing out what I consider to be evident on its face, but what seems to have escaped the notice of every female pretending to have a cock and every male facsimile taking it up the ass from them.

If all you want is a prostate massage, see a proctologist, butt for Chrissakes, don't ask your wife to stick things up your ass and puhleeeze stop pretending there is nothing to be learned by the fact that what she's sticking up your ass is a make-believe cock.

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB01
more satire - WHAT? YOU WANT TO USE YOUR STRAP-ON?