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Decisions 'n Changes...

posted 5/21/2013 11:22:29 PM |
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  soft_touch938

But the wheels doth move slowly...sigh...but anyway, here it is....

That's it! I'm done! Life's too short! Sick 'n tired. It's time to roll over 'n play RETIRED!!!

I don't know if age has withered those 'lightbulb moment' cells in my brain or it's just taken me all of the years since I retired in 2005 to finally wake up and smell the coffee.....:??? (shrugs...)

But those squeaky wheels have been turning like well oiled pistons for the last few days and first one spark fired...then another...and the lightbulb finally came on at last!!

After Mom died, I began to decorate their grave in earnest...nothing but the best! I also decorated my brother-in-law's grave as I loved him so much...the big brother that I never had. But....somewhere along the line, out of the kindness of my heart, I began to take on more family members. Now?

I'm just frikkin' burnt out!!!

My fingers are sore. My hands get numb. I'm so tired I don't even sleep good at night...just too damn tired.

I made the decision to cut back to just my folks and brother-in-law's grave. I probably won't do the winter season either...who goes to look around cemetaries in the winter??? Simplify, I say or K.I.S.S.

I began today to go through my flowers. I'm getting rid of a lot of them. In fact, I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff I used...no, I thought one day I'd use....for making crafts 'n stuff. NOT GONNA DO IT...K.I.S.S.!!!!

I took the time to use some of my silk flowers for ME!!! I made a hanging flower arrangement and a big potted one for inside my trellis. If people figure out they aren't real and think I'm a hillbilly then they can kiss my ass. I like them and that's all that matters!

So next, I will push to get my garage sale over. It's a lot of work but I made almost $200 last year and I can use the money! Early in the fall, I will once again drag down my Christmas decorations and have another garage sale because 98% of those are gonna go. K.I.S.S. 'n all that good stuff...no more overloading for Christmas.

Ya know, I finally realized that my life consists of a long ta-do list. The things I REALLY like to do gets squeezed in here 'n there and when I take time for ME and what I like to do, then I'm behind on my ta-do things.

I can't really enjoy doing the things I like to do because my mind is always on the things I should be doing. I've simply had enough!

I want to sit relaxed and read a book. I want to write, write, WRITE! Maybe I just wanna sit in a lawnchair and watch the world go by. I would like to spend more time with my kids. I'd like to be able to decide on the spur of the moment that I'd like to go somewhere and just jump in the car and GO!

I do have one major project before I'm done. The back bedroom has my treadmill, my keyboard organ and a long table where we do jigsaw puzzles. Zelda's room is very small. I want to switch these rooms around. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna try to sell my treadmill or not. It has to be taken apart to be moved and that will be a job...the whole project will be a big job. But I desperately need more workspace when I doing my writing...room to spread stuff out. I will keep the long table in that room for that purpose.

I figure it will take me most of the summer to complete everything I want to get done. But inbetween projects I can sit back and take a couple days or so for a break.

Ya know, this blowup I had with my sister is a sad thing but something about it just opened my eyes. I do a lot of ass kissing. Not sucking up but kissin' ass to make other people happy. As long as I was being empathetic, understanding and helpful, we got along just fine. As soon as I voiced my concerns and said I didn't want to help her be deceitful anymore, she turned on me like a angry bull.

In some ways, Susie can be a little like that although it's alot better than it use to be. Susie and I don't spend as much time together anymore. I'm guessing it's because I'm no longer that little obedient puppy dog anymore. I know she loves me but I'm guessing, too, that I'm pretty much a disappointment to her. She expected me to be just like the ex, glued to her side and everything was her way.

NOT ME!!! I broke that cycle some time back and like I said, we don't spend as much time together anymore. I'm busy, I have my own life to live. And soon, my life is gonna take a turn for a lot more peace 'n quiet that's filled with all the things I like to do...or....OFFICIALLY, FINALLY RETIRED!!!

Oh, I'm not gonna take to my rockin' chair...I have a lot of things rolling around in my head that I'd like to do...spread my wings a little. I'd like to get involved with senior citizens in the nursing homes...oh how I love those people! Nothing more than doing visitation maybe every other week. I can just visit with them or read to them and oh how they like to talk about their younger days and they have some really good memories 'n stories.

So there ya have it. This crazy life of always on the go and always a ta-do list that seems never to get shorter no matter how hard I work at it...it's simply ENOUGH. Life's too short. I'm sick 'n tired. I'm done.

No....really done...here I mean...

(end of blog)

Be safe, be happy 'n keep smilin'...

Softie

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Comments:

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sawduster

May 21 @ 11:37PM  
If you get the urge to really go looking, sometime this summer or early fall, I want to host a camp out here at my place. You would be welcome to pop in should that become an option for ya. It is still pretty much in the thinking stage, but would beat just sitting.

hugs softie
TheDrcocktail1

May 22 @ 12:18AM  
I figure it will take me most of the summer to complete everything I want to get done.

NO....it will take you as long as it takes you
. Get that into your head. The only abridgments on your time and freedom are those you impose on yourself. Quit it.

As ever was,
Drcocktail
RJ53

May 22 @ 2:40AM  
I know the feeling of running yourself to death for others, I finally learned my favorite word in the English language is no and have finally learned to stick to it,
Wordsofwit

May 22 @ 9:29AM  
I would like to spend more time with my kids
.

I was unprepared for that statement Over the years there were many things you wrote indicating, more or less, that if you weren't related to them, you would not associate with them. Actually, as I recall, one of the benefits of relocating was being farther away from them and their drama

Redirecting, do you still go out and do things with your sisters and what is up with the one who was considering moving to be with some guy
soft_touch938

May 22 @ 12:11PM  
ok....no time to stop and answer everyone's comments...for now anyway. I have an appt. at the funeral home...get my funeral arrangements pre-planned then that project is done.

But I'll be back to answer everyone tonight...damn I hate hurrying...grrrrrrrrrr
sugarnspice005

May 22 @ 12:14PM  
Sounds like you have it well planned out. About time you start doing for YOU. We are entitled to being a bit selfish once in a while. As to the sister playing spy games, if she wants to be pissy with you for telling her the truth, let her. After all, according to age, she's and adult and can take care of herself. I know I've had my share of arguments with my sisters, and we always cool off and "get over it".

soft_touch938

May 22 @ 10:30PM  
Whew! Ten o'clock and I just walked thru my door to end this hectic day. It's turned chilly here again and my feet are freezing! Anyhoo....

Aw thanks Duster for the invite if ya have a camp out, that would be great...an yeah, here comes the but...my budget is about maxed out and a trip like that would be more than I could afford but I appreciate ya thinkin' of me...hugs.

Ok DC...you're right...I do push myself but I'm excited about getting all this crap done so I can enjoy as much summer as possible. I'm ready to start on setting up my garage sale tomorrow...the weather is gonna be cool for the next 4 days or so then go into the 90's! I have a hard time with the heat so I'm gonna be pushing hard over the holiday and hopefully in a couple of weeks I'll have the dreaded sale behind me! But I'll try to 'quit it' and be a little more lenient with myself...thanks for the advice.

WoW...My kids did create a lot of drama for me back a few years ago and I'm not sure how that sorta fixed itself but it did. I guess moving here helped and now I rarely see them at all so when I say I'd like to spend a little more time with them, that means a few more days than half a dozen times a YEAR! As for the sister thing...I'll send you more about that in an e-mail...how's that?

RJ....yeah, "NO" is an awesome word. I don't have a problem saying no most of the time. It's those times that sorta 'just happen' that keeps my life in an upheaval. You know, ya find yourself doing one thing and the next thing ya know, you're in shit up to your ears and ya don't see it coming...one thing leads to another before ya know it. That happens a hellava lot around here. It's like getting caught up in a whirlwind ya don't see coming. But I'm getting wiser to clues that preclude these circumstances and I'm able to see the red flags better now when they pop up so mix that with NO and things are beginning to calm down...along with my NERVES!

Ya know Sugar...I think I'm gonna enjoy being selfish and without a shred of guilt...lol. I don't know if things can be patched up with my sis or not. I do know that it's been so peaceful for me since our blowup. I can't say I don't care, because I do but on the other hand, I am not going to compromise my integrity and beliefs to accomodate her anymore. If she can't accept that and accept me just the way I am then in my opinion...it's her loss.

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Decisions 'n Changes...