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I'm all alone...

posted 4/25/2013 1:18:38 PM |
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...and da brain is working

The 'crew' has gone to the Amish flower auction so I have a block of 'me time' and I'm lovin' it. I personally think they're all is cold and windy and that huge building where the auction is held leaves all the overhead doors wide open and it's like a wind tunnel and colder than Toby's ass. Not for me!!!


My thoughts while I drink my morning coffee have me ruminating over something that poses questions so I thought..."Hmmmm...maybe a blog?"

The subject? Camaraderie. What sparks camaraderie between two people?

I have learned recently, while meditating, that my memory of me and Susie's years so long ago are faulty. For so many years, I remembered the two of us as having camaraderie. Not so and frankly I was surprised by this tidbit of information that finally sunk into my brain. Then I thought about Marilyn...heretofore known as my Bobbsey Twin. Her and I had camaraderie. Yet there came a time when that camaraderie was gone, over, past, done.

You've heard the saying that people come into our lives 'for a reason' or 'for a season'? I think that is true...very true. Her and I had both a reason and a season of which, in depth, is irrelevate here. Let's just say, we needed one another for that time in our lives and there came a time when that need was fulfilled and done.

Yet there are people whose camaraderie last a lifetime. Why is that? There's that old phrase..."we just clicked." Clicked? That denotes an instant connection without ever knowing much at all about each other. I suppose this could be an instant recognition of personalities as in, 'we're so much alike'. Yes, alike. That could spark camaraderie but whether it lasts a lifetime is unanswerable as like all things, life changes and so does people.

But couldn't being nothing alike do the same thing? As in, "we're nothing alike but our differences seem to bring out something good in each of us". People who aren't alike sometimes open new doors or ways of thinking for one another. They "play off of each other" well and their discussions are deep and meaningful. But normally, differences between two people creates tension and strain so why is it that sometimes, two people prove that different...they have differences but they just "click"?

Then maybe their personalities aren't alike. Maybe they are totally different where one is assertive and one is passive. They 'click' because the passive one just never disagrees about anything leaving the assertive one to feel their ego's stroked; feeling they're always right about everything.

More times than not, I've seen this last scenario to be the case. My Sis is one that will agree over most anything that isn't of any real importance. She is a great 'stroker of egos' and somehow, even when she disagrees, she still manages to do some ego stroking.

Then there's people like Susie's ex...she has the backbone of a noodle. She wouldn't say shit if she had a mouth full. It's very obvious why her and Susie 'click'. Susie likes to be right about everything and the ex allows her that luxury.

So that brings up another question...of all your friends, who do you click most with, those who will be straightforward and disagree with you or those who will smile and agree with you...or at least give you the impression they agree with you?

As I mull this over, I guess I've drawn some conclusions. For one, most people have many friends...some good friends and some best friends. But I think it's rare for people to find that one special friend that they just click with and it's really rare that that person stays in their life for a lifetime.

As I look back on my friendship with Marilyn, I know we clicked. But I can also see that we weren't afraid to disagree. We knew instinctively when we could discuss it and when to just let it rest...that's clicking. I think clicking has a lot to do with laughter, mischief, a real sense of relaxation where one can feel totally secure and safe in letting their hair down without judgment or critiscism. It's being equal and allowing those scales of balance to tip back and forth between you without either one feeling either inferior or superior to the other.

These kinds of relationships are rare...JMHO

Susie and I talked (albeit briefly) the other night and I mentioned that her and her ex have camaraderie...her and I don't. She agreed. I know that she doesn't have a clue that the camaraderie she has with her ex is because the ex is a whimp and doesn't have the backbone to disagree about anything and that strokes Susie's ego. Oh well...

I believe that at my age, it's almost certain that I'll never find another Marilyn. But I'm also certain that I don't have the personality (or desire) to stroke peoples egos just to make them feel superior and all-knowing.

Straightforward, honest and open discussions are what does it for me. In the same vain, no one wants the brutal, honest truth (as they see it anyway). Opinions can be given with kindness and gentleness without being harsh or making the other person feel belittled or patronized.

Continued in comments...

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Apr 25 @ 1:18PM  
I've learned a very short time ago that I'm a dreamer...always have been. Dreaming as a child is harmless. As an adult, it can have serious and debilitating consequences. Dreams that are dreamed over a long period of time can turn into a false other words, they become one's reality. The false reality for me was believing that Susie and I had camaraderie...among other lies I told myself to perpetuate those dreams. And that, my dear friends, is why, when I moved here and almost immediately began to see those dreams begin to unravel was the reason for all the fighting for the past 2 years.

It has taken doing a lot of soul searching to get to the bottom of it all and see the truth. For 2 years I've tried to MAKE camaraderie between Susie and myself until I realized...if ya don't click then ya just don't click...simple as that! For 2 years I've functioned without a backbone...well, not entirely as a lot of our fighting was because there were things I wouldn't change to suit her. But in a lot of things I tried to compromise against my better judgment. I tried to pick my fights just so her ego would be stroked. No more.

I think Susie came back into my life for a reason and I think it was to 'shake me up' create a situation where I would be pushed into facing reality and to find who I really am as a person, an individual. Will she remain in my life? Probably. But we are now adjusting to being friends...not best friends and not friends who click.

I've taken a step back...put some emotional distance between us. Ironically, as much as I've ranted over her ex, I've now made the gesture of 'handing her back over to the ex'. They have camaraderie. I see their friendship as kinda like being the friendship I had with Marilyn. Will it bother me for those two to spend time together? Probably for a little bit. Yet whatever misgivings I may feel about it, the freedom I feel to finally be ME and find my own joy in life, overshadows it all.

For the moment, Susie and I are still an 'item' but my gut tells me that over time, that will dwindle down to just friendship. It's funny...for so many years her and I both thought we were compatible only to find out that we're just NOT each other's cup-o-tea. She isn't gonna change and neither am I. I think, with time, we can find a middle ground. I know with all the raging, I've caused a gap in her and the ex's friendship but I think that will change as they both see I no longer care what they do.

I'm free to be myself and that's all that matters. Whatever sparks camaraderie between those around me is just ok. If it works for them then who am I to question it? I just know that, for me, if it doesn't happen naturally then I can't and will not fake it. It's ok to stroke people's ego with compliments and praise...that's a GOOD thing. But, to me, anything other than that is just kissin' ass and not being true to one's self. If ANY of my friends...and that includes sisters...can't deal with my disagreeing with them then that's their problem, not mine.

Susie is finally respecting my need for SPACE and reluctantly finding she is enjoying a little of her own. As we embark on a new kind of friendship, I believe we will become closer. But will we ever have camaraderie? I doubt it. In our case, our differences doesn't work in our favor and that's ok. I'll settle for just finding a middle ground that works for both of us.

So...if you've read this far, thanks for hanging in there! Ya'll have a good day, be safe 'n keep smilin'...


Apr 25 @ 6:58PM  
Damn-it Softie, I think you got you brain in Overdrive! Sometimes it's good to kick it up in nutral and coast. I hope all is well!

Apr 25 @ 10:03PM  
My best friend is like a sister to me, her family is my extended family. She and I met when she was a freshman in jr. high and I was a junior in high school. Funny thing is, we met through my sister who was in the same grade as her. Don't get me wrong, the 3 of us from that point on, hung out together, partied together, and my sister, it turned out, was the more "sensible" one of the three of us. Chris, (my friend's name), was the youngest of 4 kids in her family, and a surprise to her parents because her mother was on birth control when she ended up pregnant with Chris, and because she was the "baby" of the family, her parents were at times more lenient with her, but yet, depending on what stupid stunt she pulled, her Dad would lay down the law like a sledge hammer. Anyway, as our friendship grew, by the time Chris was a sophomore in high school, I was in my senior year, and that year, the two of us just let loose...I was driving to school, and at the least...2 days out of the week, we would head out to school, but not make it to school..yeah, we would skip and go partying. My sister most of the time chose to go to school...she didn't want to get caught. Funny thing is, the majority of that year, Chris and I managed with some artful lies, to avoid being suspended for skipping, until almost the end of the year when a friend of ours, in fact, I did a blog about him, Steve, titled "Gone To Soon", called into the school pretending to be Chris' dad. Chris' dad moved to America from Mexico when he was 18 yrs old. He got his citizenship by joining the military. And up to the day he died 4 years ago, he never lost that accent. Steve tried to mimic that accent, and did a lousy job, and yes, we finally got busted and suspended for 3 days.

Anyway, then there were the sneaking out at night to party, sneaking back into our parents houses in time to catch an hour or two of sleep before having to get up for school. Ah those were the days. And one of those nights, the guy Chris was seeing, he found out she was sneaking out, threatened to tell her parents, and she panicked and ran away...but not far. I knew where she was....and so did my sister. I got her on the phone finally and talked her into coming home. Yeah, she got grounded for a while for that. So, I graduated high school, and yes, with my class, I wasn't held back. I might have enjoyed my wild side, but I kept my grades up. And that summer, I remember Def Leppard having a show up towards the "tip of the Mitt", at an outdoor venue in Charlevoix, I think it was called The Castle, been awhile, I mean, Pyromania was the album they were touring for. Chris and another friend of ours had spent the night because Dad was driving us up to the concert. I remember Chris getting up that morning, and feeling sickly. It went away eventually. I remember we had fun at the concert, and yes, found some concert goers who had some pot and they shared with us. A week after that, she called and asked my sister and I to come over, that she needed to talk...we found out, she was almost 3 months pregnant. 16 yrs old and pregnant. The babies father, offered marriage, she accepted, and her parents, it took some convincing, but they eventually gave the ok. Chris was married, became a mother, and divorced by the time she was 18. And there is a lot of other stupid adventures we had afterwards, but the thing we are today...she and I are still close like sisters. That baby she had back then, a son, is now married, has 3 kids of his own, plus, since Chris had remarried, she has 2 teenage sons at home right now. And yeah, she had divorced the father, who died a couple of years ago when a deer ran out in front of him when he was on his motorcycle.

I won't say our friendship has been stellar or perfect, it hasn't. We've had our quarrels, disagreements, neither one of us is afraid to tell the other when she is acting like an idiot. We can finish each others thoughts/sentences when we're around each other.

Out of all of the friends I had through the years, Chris is the one I've been closest with and I can't imagine my life without her in it.

Sorry about the extra long comment.

Apr 25 @ 11:52PM  
Well Wayne, my brain has been in overdrive all day over different I'm mentally fatigued, in a stupor and my eyes are bleary!

I enjoyed writing this blog although it was long and rather deep (IMHO). I really didn't expect many to read it through or comment. Some can't stay tuned for more than a paragraph or two and others want to be entertained and some will skip-read and draw their own conclusions out of 3 or 4 lines here 'n there then swear there is no point to be found.

But that's each his own. Anyway...this became the day I stayed at Zelda and did some real work. It was time to update my medical and prescription records. It was time to update my will and my last wishes. It was time to update all the info my daughter will need for when I kick the bucket. Then Zelda had things that needed updated. I am satisfied with the progress I made today and hope to finish up tomorrow. I'm trying to clear my indoor projects as really nice weather is predicted for the week ahead and I want to get started on my garage so somewhere in the near future I will be free to enjoy this summer or as you put it...kick into neutral.

Oh Sugar, it's ok to write as long a comment as you like. I enjoyed your comment of what a rascal you and your friend was years ago. I was more like your sister when I was in school...afraid of getting caught! I was one of those kids who couldn't get by with anything. I think we all turned out pretty good!

Apr 26 @ 12:15AM  
My best friend was born on exactly same day as me, We manage to get into some fights that sound like world war 3 at times but if someone else picks on one of us they would be dealing with both of us, He is the male version of me which is why we argue like we do, Then five minutes later we are laughing over something together, It is the relationship we have had since 1972 and is not likely to change one bit, Someone asked us one time why did not end up together as a couple and the answer both of us gave was because one of us would probably end up in jail for homicide if we ever had to live in the same house, Sometimes that is just how things are, Two strong personalities make for complicated relationships,

Apr 26 @ 12:26AM  
You're right RJ...strong personalities do make complicated relationships! I have to ask myself why I didn't recognize this in me 'n Susie so many years ago.

But I still would like some opinions about what makes camaraderie between people. Is it because we're alike? Different? Is it due to just a natural spark like 2 familiar spirits coming together? It's like a moth being drawn to a flame...but why? What draws it there so strongly?

Anyhoo....I am beat so I'm calling it quits for the night. Catch y'all tomorrow.


Apr 26 @ 10:32AM  
What makes camaraderie?

I think it's liking being around each other, enjoying a good laugh, being able to just talk without holding back.

I've got a few good friends at work, only two of which have my phone number and I have theirs, and we are friends on face book. We enjoy talking and sharing, and yes, we do clown around at work, doing crazy things that get others laughing. And we've met up a few times for lunch, and this summer we're planning a trip to a casino.

I guess a camaraderie comes from being comfortable with someone where you can just be you.

Apr 27 @ 1:49PM  
[/QUOTE]I guess a camaraderie comes from being comfortable with someone where you can just be you.[QUOTE]<<< yep still not working

I think I have found that "someone" and it's ME actually I do have a couple good friends and it's always a joy to get together.. but at the end of the day it's just ME.

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