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hru and other msg fails

posted 3/17/2013 11:09:33 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
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tagged: meeting
  aftershocks

I found this on another site,and i really liked it, so i thought i would share. It probably is a useless exercise in preaching to the choir since those who need to see it don;t read the blogs anyways...


Generally "hru" does not work with strangers. The real life version of "hi" or "hi, how are you?" doesn't work. It is NOT a conversation starter.

It doesn't matter if you read or saw some picture on {social site} or their writing in some group. They don't know you! It isn't their job to know you. It is your job to know them.

Nor does hiding behind online and saying things like "wanna fuck?" or generic statements like "you are hot, wanna fuck?" to a totally random stranger. This and other forms of booty calls to random strangers is a total fail. I do enjoy hearing from my friends when they laugh about this.

You are not treating a person like a person but as faceless entity to fill whatever your needs are and they know it.

If you want to change your ways, here are some suggestions:

First, figure out what your mental state is. Are your hormones raging? Are you lonely and desperate? Are you scared to death of just talking? Are you back to dating after years of not dating? If you don't figure this out, it will leak into your thinking and cloud your communication.

This is why things like finding a job when you have a job is faster. The job finding desperation doesn't come across in the interviews.

Do something about your mental state if you can. One idea is lowering your expectations to just meeting people. Another is when one gets flustered or excited or jaw dropped, walking away for a while (with as much grace as you can) or not looking at whatever you were looking at until you calm down. If you are afraid of talking in person, give more detailed "thank yous" including what you are specifically thankful for to random people or compliment strangers more. Yet another idea is spending more time working on improving your life without dependency on anyone else -- make yourself happy!

Second, look beyond the image bouncing around in your head or what you see on the computer screen. Focus on what is special or unique about the person. If you can't "see" the person behind the clothing, hair, shoes, etc. and whatever stereotypes you associate, it is going to be a really awkward communication exchange or will crash and burn early.

The beauty of online is most people state what they do and don't want. There is no guessing about whether someone is dating or not. You can't tell this when going to the grocery store or a bar. There is no guessing about whether they are single, monogamous or poly -- you can read their profile.

Third, there is the art of "small talk" when two strangers start chatting. The focus is on the conversation and mutual understanding. If there is any chance of mutual connection at any level, both parties are putting their best presentation forward. No text speak. No sentences less then 5 words. No stories. No dissertations or thesis projects. Have a conversational exchange with complete words, complete sentences and spelled correctly words!

By the way, if you can't tell, copying and pasting messages doesn't fit.

My last point is that no matter what your gender is, what your gender preference is or any other aspect of your life is whether dom, swinger, kinkster, rich person, world traveler, etc., you are not entitled to anything in initial communication between two strangers. If people don't have time to reply, they don't have to. If people don't reply positively, apologize (or not) and move on -- don't dig a hole for yourself. You can easily screw yourself by diminishing your reputation in some social or networking circle or trip over someone that has directly or indirectly the ability to mess with you..

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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hru and other msg fails