AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Free Dating

NEW Jokes

posted 1/23/2013 12:22:42 PM |
1 kudogive kudos what's this?
    report abuse
  Wordsofwit

I just saw these on the vanilla site and kudoed the poster. They are great and only one or two I have ever heard before

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F**k it, soldier on!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

A Catholic boy in confession says, “Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister.”
“That's a disgrace,” said the priest, “especially when you have two gorgeous brothers.”

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor
.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

   read more blogs!

Blogs by Wordsofwit:
2013 World Series Odds
Drive Ins
Murphy's Law - Revised
Kid Free Zone
Gallup 2012 Poll - USA conservative, moderate or liberal
Where Did My Blogs Go?
Origins of a 49ers Fan
Reflecting Upon a Social Networking Site
Another Kind of Blue Balls
A joke that may piss off my fem friends
Yes We Have No Bananas
Dumped
NEW Jokes
Very Interesting MD Versus AMD
Parenthood... a Reluctant Encore
Every Guy Has to be a Dead Man Some Time...
Sponsored Tats (joke)
Light Weight Blog
The Night That Never Was
Trivial Pursuit, Well Actually Monopoly with an Election
The Perfect American Accent
The Long Term Economic Damage to American Troops
Pay for no play, pay for first play and pay for more play
Titty Whistle
Trip the Lights Fantastic


Comments:

post a comment!

manwithoutahorse

online now!
Jan 23 @ 2:00PM  
Very good...several I had never seen before.
jackchilds

Jan 24 @ 1:50AM  
Cut and paste, nothing to contribute but banal words on a page much like your good friend the Reverend Pedophile. You add nothing to the site. Merely an old man trying to validate his diminishing capacity by posting inane repasts from other authors. Very, very sad. This is your site of last resort.
Wordsofwit

Jan 24 @ 2:20AM  
Thanks for sharing cocktail Good luck to your Ravens when they meet my 49ers. It should be a hell of a good game
gypsy29

Jan 24 @ 11:11PM  
tigerwoods484

Jan 25 @ 4:41AM  
So now you're abandoning your cowboys and San Fran is your new team. You're worse then Dawn......no allegiance.
tigerwoods484

Jan 25 @ 5:10AM  
Which one is Dawn....rednails or sugarswab?

free dating | mission statement | testimonials | safety warning | report abuse | safe list | privacy | legal | 2257 | advertise | link to us

© Copyright 2000-2014 Online Singles, LLC.
OS-WEB02
NEW Jokes