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Stone Cold

posted 12/4/2012 11:00:50 AM |
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  Wordsofwit

I going to going to throw something out there that is a somewhat unusual topic on this site; a post about relationships.

As a quick backgrounder, my daughter, grandson and myself moved 45 miles away from her estranged husband in early November and she filed for divorce shortly thereafter. The eight-year marriage had been deteriorating for at least a few years.

There was apprehension that he could engage in negative behavior during the transition and on into the future. That has not materialized to this point in time. In actuality, the guy has been taking the high road and handled it all far better than anyone anticipated. What has been looming instead is a growing of negative sentiments on her part that could translate into bad behavior.

We have all seen in movies, cartoons, the little angels or devils that appear in a person’s debate on a moral issue and resulting course of action. The little devil is getting much more vocal within her and she echoes it to me.

I have seen it many times before with people (usually women) as a relationship is going down in flames. Anything he does right or positive attributes he demonstrates are not acknowledged. Anything he does improperly or negative attributes he demonstrates are amplified.

When one person is still in love and the other is not, the lover commences on the journey down the highway to hell. It is said that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. One’s eyes are comprised of tears, while the other’s reflect nothing…Stone Cold.

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manwithoutahorse

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Dec 4 @ 12:53PM  
I have a friend in exactly the same place as your daughter. Actually she is further down the road...down the slippery slope that will result in regret for her one day. I pray your daughter finds her bottom before facing those demons. Good luck.
Wordsofwit

Dec 4 @ 1:06PM  
I agree, Ron. The worst thing that she can do now is something that will violate her conscience and Spirit that will haunt and torment her later. Her son will grow up to be an adult and all will be revealed. One can either plant flowers for the future or allow weeds to take root.
Wordsofwit

Dec 4 @ 1:32PM  
In our talks about all of this, I emphasize the points I made in this post. Granted, I do it in a different manner. I try to drive home that, yes, it is over, that everything is laid out by her lawyer (pretty much cut and dried) and he will accept it. It is time to move forward into the future as the war is virtually over.

There is no need for vengeance or reprisal for real, exaggerated or imaginary wrongs. He deservedly lost her and she only lost him. There is justice in that. It should suffice as he won't replace her and go on to bigger and better things.

Hopefully, there is a paradigm shift within him that lays out why this all came to pass and he can make his way into the future as a better man.
sugarnspice005

Dec 4 @ 5:14PM  
Stone Cold by Rainbow! I used to love that song back in the day!

Like Som, I hope your daughter stops listening to that "little devil" and just let's it go. The relationship is over, let it go, move on.
Wordsofwit

Dec 4 @ 6:29PM  
I hope your daughter stops listening to that "little devil" and just let's it go. The relationship is over, let it go, move on.

I think that she will in the long run. But I will wait a few days to express all of this for when she is more open to receiving, probably early one morning over coffee. Thanks for your comment.
borty293

Dec 4 @ 8:18PM  
I remember being like that....made a complete ass of myself..just couldn't let go.

Long after the relationship was over, I was still holding on to false hope...even after she got married....
RJ53

Dec 5 @ 5:18PM  
Sometimes people just have to get it out of their system. Then again some never do. I have had an ex or two or three like that. That is when a restraining order works wonders.

In your daughter's case I think she is just hurt and needs to work through the negative feelings. Sometimes those feelings are a good reminder of what not to look for in a partner. I would not worry too much unless you see her taking out a baseball bat. Then you might want to have a serious talk with her.
Wordsofwit

Dec 5 @ 6:54PM  
I had fears that this divorce could be painfully ugly for all concerned. Far from it. The kid is adjusting well Marty feels liberated but has money concerns The money is more of a concern for her than me. As for me, it is emancipation
soft_touch938

Dec 6 @ 8:50AM  
Yanno, like RJ...I have several ex's and IMHO, one has a lot of anger issues when a marriage fails. The list is long so I won't go into details. It just takes time for the dust to settle. She'll work through this in time.

Add to that a move to a new place and it's probably all rocked her boat and in time she'll get her sea legs back under her and be just fine. She has you there to talk to and sometimes, one doesn't need advice so much as just someone to listen. It's important for her to get what's in her head out in the open so she can sort it all out. Often those thoughts are not reasonable and one needs to hear them out loud to sort them out.

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Stone Cold