IT is amazing how the mind works and how it can affect you when a disease starts playing games with it, and sadly you have no clue its going on. In my case, playing with my mind, even for a disease, should be like playing with silly putty, no matter how much fun it is at first..........it does become boring real fast.
In 2006-2007, I noticed things that made me wonder if I wasn't just getting old, prematurely. Suddenly, my memory sucked, I would be writing something and a word wouldn't come to me. Now I am sure that has happened to everyone once in a while.......or maybe not.........but I would begin to write about a subject and than normal well used (at least by me) words would not come to mind. I would start with using words that I thought were close to what the word I was searching for meant, to see if it would spring some recognition to come to me.........and sometimes I would just break down and call my daughter. "I am looking for a word" I would say to her............"ummm ok, how about cow, blue, Tuesday, Caterpillar" and she would have continued on if at that point I hadn't said........(or if really impatient, screamed "no dammit it, I am looking for a certain word..........a word that means........and would start giving her words that synonymous to the one that my mind was searching for. I am not sure why I would call her because the answer was always the same.............."wouldn't one of those words work?" but of course not because when you want to use one word, nothing is going to take its place........kinda like craving chocolate and only having potato chips in your cupboard. Of course snack food is snack food..........but chocolate is chocolate.
In 2008, after I had moved back to MN and my daughter decided I was going to see another doctor, I was reading the paperwork I had to fill out for the specialist...... mood changes YUP, Memory loss YUP, Interchanging a word that sounds the same as the one you wanted to use YUP, (that's when I meant to tell my kids to be careful and not break the marble piece on my bakers rack and instead said be careful and don't break the adorable piece on my bakers rack.YUP YUP YUP!! Exploding over things that never bothered you before. YUP YOU FUCKING RIGHT YUPP!! Course as a redhead I have always been passionate and that does mean getting into a snit once in a while........but come on.......everyday.......lets get real...........There was over 400 items on their checklist (that they use to help diagnose how far along the Lyme had gotten) and I checked off all but 7 of them.
The reason this came to mind today is because I have been being a pest of a friend on here.......and on facecrack.........asking her.......now who was this and what happened there.........she has been very patient with me as she has known me for years........and stayed with me through the whole progression ( I couldn't figure out this word and had to walk away from the computer for a few minutes to figure out what the word was I wanted.....  ) of my illness so she knows what I go through everyday with how my mind now works. Today I went to post on a blog and it seems like I am blocked.........I started to chuckle to myself........I have no clue who this person is, but obviously I have pissed them off in the past........
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