Hey did you hear
About the one that got away?
They say he looked left
She turned right
Meant to be together but not that night
Its been awhile since I posted here. Im guessing most of you dont even know who the fuck I am. Still, thats not nearly as disturbing as the notion that I may not even have all that tight of a grasp on who the fuck I am myself, is it? Fuck no, it isn't. But that shit only matters if I give a fuck, which I dont. Im just here as a favor to a friend...and to inject a little sanity in between straddlemywhatsits posts.
It's when fate's running late
We tend to make mistakes
We go 'round and 'round
From love to love
It's either way too much
Or not enough
How fucked off do you have to be that somebody seeks ME out as the voice of reason? My fucking god. Im the guy your folks were talking about when they tried to convince you to become a lesbian, for Christ's sake (you say lesbian...I say CHALLENGE!)!!! Im the fucking reason christianmingle.com has such a rigorous registration process! And now you tell me Im the sane one? Whatever...
Gimme lazy days
With nothing better to do
Than singing old black water
Keep on rolling while I wait for you
I don't care if it rains
I'll be just fine
I'm leaving the ghosts behind until
I got you I got you
You're the sun through my window warming my skin
Oh you I got you
Hey
I dont read straddlemysuckits posts and I havent for a long time. Not since he pissed me off over something or another, it doesn't much matter now that I was right and he's an asshole. I guess it turns out I havent been missing much by skipping his blogs, anyway. Hmm...who would have thunk it? Oh yeah...me!
Then when one of them was taken
The other one was waiting
For the next big thing
To bring them to the gates of heaven
Or maybe just a late night in Vegas
Im really not trying to start a fucking war or a mudslinging contest (wait a minute...we may have struck upon something here! Or am I trying to start a mudslinging party, ladies????) with the guy and his cronies. Does he even have any cronies? I cant imagine he would. Or what kind of bitch would be all into whatever the fuck it is the guy is talking about, for that matter. Just throwing it out there...Im guessing that bitch doesnt shave. Not her legs...not her underarms...not her pussy...nada! She doesnt even bleach her mustache. Bitch probably looks like the guy off the Zig-Zag package. Or that fucking little cave dude from the cartoons when we were kids (when some of us were kids, DS! Not everybody can remember Hanna-Barbara cartoons, now, and many of those who do use a little Grecian Formula in the nether regions. nothing to be ashamed of...). I cant remember his name, but he used to bug the shit out of me. Not entirely unlike any bitch who digs straddlemylimpdick's posts, btw...
It's true that's what we do
When we're going down swinging
Then coming up singing the blues
Wearing out my shoes
Chasing new faces
To get to you
Fuck, I dont know...maybe some guys are into the whole short, hairy, flat-headed thing. At least you always have someplace to put your highball...
Driving home on a summer night
Singing old black water keep on rolling
Till the time is right
I don't care if it rains
I'll be just fine
Sit back enjoy the ride
Until I got you I got you
You're the sun through my window warming my skin
Oh you I got you
Like Sonny and Cher except I'll be there for you
I got you
Let old black water bring us together
Moving on to other matters of grave interest, who here is into necrophilia? Come on, you sick motherfucker...I know you're out there somewhere! Someone explained to me one time that it was some kind of domination type bullshit going on there when somebody gets off on fucking a corpse. I dont think so. I chalk it up to plain old laziness. It really isnt all that difficult to find a bitch who is still breathing that'll fuck you if you apply yourself. Shit, you might even get lucky and find one that will let you fuck her in the ass and wont think you're some kind of nasty fucking pervert just for thinking of such things. Or at least have the good manners not to mention it, anyway. You can probably even find a live bitch who will pretend to be dead for you. Im not exactly sure how that would work, though. Maybe shove ice up her pussy and then knock the bitch out? Fuck, I don't know. Fucking dead bitches is not my specialty, goddamnit. What about the dudes? Do corpses get hard-ons (and can I meet the bitch who can give a corpse one?)? What a fucking disturbing image that is...jeez!
Old black water keep on rolling
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shining on me?
Old black water keep on rolling
Mississippi moon won't you keep on shining on me?
Wanna hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
Wanna hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama here she comes
continued in comments...
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read more blogs!
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DickSlippery
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Jul 25 @ 2:23PM
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I think I watch too much porn. I love the shit. I'll even watch ugly bitches fuck, I dont care. I'll complain about it the whole fucking time, too. I'll talk shit about how her tit job sucks and she has more belly than ass and has anybody seen that much bush since George W. left office and omg how can you be so fucking homely and still expect me to believe you've never taken it in the ass??? Bitch, please...
But do I look away? What the fuck do you think???
I got you, I got you
You're the sun through my window warming my skin
Oh you, I got you
Like Sonny and Cher you know I'll be there for you
I got you let old black water bring us together
You I got you I got you I got you baby
Ive always enjoyed listening to music while writing my blogs. I also like to share the experience with the reader (that would be you, in case you were wondering. I wouldn't want it said nobody ever told you, after all...). That way at least some part of this atrocity is worth reading. Its not like I give a fuck. Im just trying to look out for you, motherfucker! Im just trying to keep your interests in play! Maybe I should dial that shit back a notch or two, huh? Maybe I should concentrate my efforts on some other shit that really matters and shit, motherfucker! What you think about that? What you think about me writing some shit about the elections or the Colorado tradgedy or the Mexican drug cartels or last night's episode of America's Got Talent? What about that? Huh, motherfucker? What about that???
By the hand hand take me by the hand pretty mama
Dance with your daddy all night long
Wanna hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
As if topical content was even my style, right? Do you have any idea how long it has been since Ive written anything worthwhile? Anything meaningful or informative or necessary or even something containing links to big titties and hot Mexican bitches who squirt better than most guys my age can piss? Neither do I...thats kinda what scares me!
By the hand hand take me by the hand pretty mama
Dance with your daddy all night long
Wanna hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
Because at the end of the day all I really give a shit about is the titties. Thats the sad reality of the situation. Thats how I know Im not a fucking queer too, btw. It doesn't matter how much buttfucking I do, because when push comes to push harder motherfucker its pussy that I would miss. Not just pussy, but the bitches that come with it too! I really do dig the whole fucking package when it comes to women. Just my luck, huh?
By the hand hand take me by the hand pretty mama
Dance with your daddy all night long
Wanna hear some funky Dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
Keeping you posted,
DS 
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StraddleMyNose
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Jul 25 @ 2:49PM
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dont read straddlemysuckits posts and I havent for a long time. Not since he pissed me off over something or another, it doesn't much matter now that I was right and he's an asshole. I see you're still holding on to some bitterness back then after we got into it with each other. Not sure why you chose to come back and be a little prick about it for by making that statement, but then with you, one never knows...
We both did some wrongs back then, and I'll own up to what I did wrong like I always have on here.
As for holding grudges, not worth it in the long run. I refuse to let someone get the better of me by wasting a lot of my time on them and worrying about what others think that don't matter to me...
As far as what happened between us when I accused you of promoting your blogs by attacking me with my comment in one of your blogs all because you didn't agree with me, perhaps, but I thought that you had really undeservely attacked me in it so much so that it had looked that way to me, and I didn't have a problem voicing that.
We're both stubborn and hot headed at times, but down the road after both of us cooled off, I was hoping to get things straightened out between us and move on.
As for getting things worked out between us, I didn't know you all that well at the time, and still don't, so I have no idea what you were going after at the time.
I am willing to work this out with you however, but only if you're interested in doing so.
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sugarnspice005
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Jul 25 @ 8:01PM
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Hey!!!! Nice to see you blog again. 
btw..the little caveman dude you referred to...I'm thinking you're talking about Captain Caveman? I used to love that cartoon! 
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ksk72
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Jul 26 @ 6:36PM
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Most entertaining dribble I have seen on here in FOREVER 
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