It was terrible, driving home last night; I'd spent some time with a woman mentor, then another galpal and I headed for a charity Spaghetti CookOff that had a dance to follow. Being weak the last 3 weeks, I joked that my dancing would be restricted to environments where folks were so drunk they WOULDN'T remember me the next day...  ::
I laughed...and though I hoped the calm crisp air and sky would so numb me from deep emotions, I realized I feel Alone... 
Yeah...ALONE. 
Sad and alone and gosh will somebuddy kiss me hard and grab my breasts and suck the air outta me so I can't think and get a break from my brain for awhile. 
I know how blessed I am online; there are folks that I consider friends and mentors, wannabe lovers, siblings from another mother and all around "got my back" kinda closeness: I know them, because they've chosen to reach beyond the sites I've ORIGINALLY met them on, to get to know me one on one...with laryngitis and other impairments, sometimes via emails but more and more, via phone calls and face to face meetups. 
These are the folks that make me a Priority, and I, amazed by them, make them one also. They check in once or twice a week, in some cases, once or twice a month, but our lives are clearly in touch via metaphorical heartstrings to each other. 
Sad to say, it DOES make me consider possible mates I've shared intermittent emails and phone calls with: I wonder if, after, say, 3 months of sporadic phone calls but expressed intent and attraction, if no movement beyond emails is made for regular phone contact or at least an INITIAL face to face? 
Come on...let's not kid ourselves here...We an Option, We don't matter, and ONE of us just either doesn't wanna be the "Bad News Bear" or one of us ISN'T BEING HONEST. 
Don't get me wrong: I have readers here that I talk to by phone on a pretty regular basis: I know enough about their lives to be sensitive to where they are (with as much detail as I have, to do it with, anyway) and I don't rush them nor do they rush me for anything. I can send out emails or texts, messages letting them know I'm struggling or bouncy happy about something, and, amazingly, I know and trust them because they do respond a high percentage of the time.... 
but come on, don't tell me you wanna "make something work" with me, then I don't hear from you for 3 months, and we don't keep in touch off the initial sites we "met" on. 
I know...you know it too:
We AREN'T matches in love or everyday life. 
It's sad, but I understand I'm NOT a Priority for you...let's just be honest about it, toss false hope to the side, and get realistic... 
We DON'T believe we're worth the effort to be a part of each others' life. 
c2012 GC Cameron All Rights Reserved
This blog originally appeared elsewhere; Suck it up, Baby, You Ain't Special
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