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BANG A DRUM: On Storms and Silence

posted 3/4/2012 2:09:54 AM |
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  WoundedbutWilling

Yes...there were storms in my area yesterday. Having recertified as a National Weather Service Storm Spotter last month in a town that was, in the Seventies, devastated by a tornado (Xenia,Ohio), I had suspected we'd have an early season, that this Spring would be turbulent. I got my training[/B]FIRST THING, from the town that has a sense of reverence for what weather can do. :

I have, sad to say (I know, I know...many of you will think this is a blessing ), managed to linger the last 2 weeks with laryngitis : 2 weeks with a sinus infection and a conference I participated in left my throat bleeding weeks ago; :P oddly, about the same time, I'd decided to CUT BACK on my writing for awhile..

Yesterday, as I worried about those here who live in the areas being hit by tornadoes and other dangerous weather, I reconsidered, and I realized[B]I MISS THEM, I CARE ABOUT THEM very much.. :

No...I'm wrong.
I care ABOUT YOU very much.
:

I care about the guy who reads me but rarely talks and who I honestly don't know if I've ever seen his photograph, but I've somehow come to trust. : I worried about the Brit living where some of the worst devastation in Kentucky was happening, and I worried about another who'd expressed a desire to bury much of himself in my breasts if only I'd SHUT UP for awhile. ::

I wish...I wished...I ached and I reported in nauseatingly no drama weather conditions in from my locale because, Goddarnitall, FOR A CHANGE, the Drama WASN'T where I was

In the end, I'm not a shallow girl; My local friends joke that the best partner for me is one who'll keep me OUT of my head and into sharing life (as they say, "Girl, ya can't be playin upstairs unsupervised...STOP THAT" ). While I'm not into sex without an emotional investment (preferably...we ARE all vulnerable) or interactions without respect and mutual satisfaction (of ANY kind...parent to child, boss to employee, lover to friend...whatever), I do know that, well.. :

YESTERDAY..
I got out a newly granted ceremonial drum ::
I couldn't cry, but in my fear, I tried to beat it so hard it echoed back, trying to argue with the thunder..

I tried to keep folks safe... :
Without a word..
Even those I haven't let learned, haven't had a chance to, or have otherwise fumbled, when I tried to do so


It was all hard...it was necessary and I loved. I got nothing back, really...I've been alone a long time, I'm used to that now....

but God...I ached.
I wanted to suck and fuck and drink and get lost in someone.


We ache and we need to cling sometimes
Without shame, without apology
[B]but surely
With Awe[/B
]

c2012GC Cameron All Rights Reserved
You can't have it, it's mine the best you can hope for is that I like you enough
to send you a Godddammed Build A Bear to make you feel better.

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by WoundedbutWilling:
3 Funerals, 2 Pending, 1 FU JobStorming Off....
LYING...(I Don't Know Why Your Doing It Bugs Me)
On Being A Priority vs An Option
BANG A DRUM: On Storms and Silence
CAN'T GET EMAILS OUT: What IS Happening?
I HAVE Known, You Know....
Piggy de la Poesía, Estoy Ciertamente
NOT SETTLING: When Yellow Flags Need To Be Red
DON'T Decide Ahead of Time: On Defining What You Don't Have (Yet)


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BANG A DRUM: On Storms and Silence