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Piggy de la Poesía, Estoy Ciertamente

posted 2/29/2012 1:37:51 AM |
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  WoundedbutWilling

Yeah yeah...I KNOW: singles sites are havens for the shallow. Fact is, I haven't been here, for a longer than normal "while"..

LOOK: When SOMEBODY finally utters the worst criticism I utter in misery in the most silent secret places of my heart and it's the FIRST TIME they've EVER MET me?

What can I say...a whiny single (no, no, I'm NOT so mean as to talk about someone HERE, for Gawds sake...now THAT would be..er. ) who couldn't wait for a face to face a few days while my income caught up with my inclinations offered me breakfast and gas money to come see them...

Yeah yeah...they called me FAT While begging for mercy, claiming they were being "shallow", the fact is I took the compensatory gas bucks, suggested MOST women wouldn't walk away without leaving them handicapped , and warned them my new walking shoes were on order, that I'd be 30lbs lighter by Easter (ie-Resurrection Sunday, Day of Infamous Newly Assured Second Glances/Chances), and, in the meantime, they'd just be ALONE (but, hey, it's all good, right?

The two hour drive back to my small town (safely, I might add, in a state they probably can't even find ), I found myself telling my galpals via cell phone that the WORST part of their remark was that, however tacky it was to say so, I AGREED with them...

yeah...and I HAVE, for some time.:

I'm not mad...I told my friends, in fact, that I was FINALLY GLAD someone had been "honest" and AGREED with my form assessment : The fact is, I am not where I'd like to be, and nobody wanting a date or a kiss is going to spend more than 5 seconds on a photo of someone who doesn't look like they can keep up with us. I know this, and while I'd LIKE to say I DON'T CARE about how someone looks, I gotta admit, I've passed on some guys that I didn't think I could deal with the shape and size of too (mind you, in my case, I typically get a little hesitant to date skinny guys)...after all, my wide hips ridin enthusiastically upon some hunka handsome with more than a double-digit IQ COULD, I fear, end up with a visit to an Emergency Room BEFORE any orgasm results!

Soo...I spent the last 2 days sulking: I am loving, dependable, romantic, soft and strong. I DO, however, have such a fragile heart that, yeah...

YEAH: It hurt. I was NEVER going to matter to this man, this person, and I can't even be glad, because I agreed with his stated assessment

I have become the Miss Piggy of Poetics, for certain, and I must accept it.
I starved myself the last few days...punishing and isolating, because someone who didn't even care to be a part of my potentially GETTING in better shape sent a LOUD AND CLEAR message that, NOPE, my efforts would NOT be worth it.

(Fortunately, I realize I should NOT be starving myself, however, of the ONE THING I CAN afford, nearly NEED to be glutonous about..

being loved BY YOU, who, even here, have come to welcome and accept me here, so generously and in a loving manner.

{C2012 GC Cameron All Rights Reserved...though, in this case, this blog has ONLY IN PART appeared elsewhere..[B][I].cuddle up, romance me, make me CARE what you do with it]

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by WoundedbutWilling:
3 Funerals, 2 Pending, 1 FU JobStorming Off....
LYING...(I Don't Know Why Your Doing It Bugs Me)
On Being A Priority vs An Option
BANG A DRUM: On Storms and Silence
CAN'T GET EMAILS OUT: What IS Happening?
I HAVE Known, You Know....
Piggy de la Poesía, Estoy Ciertamente
NOT SETTLING: When Yellow Flags Need To Be Red
DON'T Decide Ahead of Time: On Defining What You Don't Have (Yet)


Comments:

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kmp21157

Feb 29 @ 2:56AM  
you have hit a big point there. looks in the dating world..... well first i got to say this, it's not that i can't fall for a big girl. but it's not going to happen at first sight. i would have to be working with her or some how be spending a lot of time with that person, to get past the looks. and trust me i'm no good looker. not at all. but i follow my heart. not saying i can fall in love with looks alone. but when i see a woman that peak my interest, yes i do.... well at least try to muster up the courage to ask her out.


now some of my friend call me shallow. we would walk into a bar and i swear they would find the biggest woman there and try their damnest to hook use up. and when i say no they call me shallow.

but what's more shallow?
not being interested in a woman that you have never met, because she doesn't peak my interest.
or,
walking into a bar and hitting on the biggest woman there because you think it would be easy to get her into bed.

i think #2 is shallow....

but as far as this dude. i don't know. did you two trade pics? (not dirty one) if so he should had a good idea, how you looked... to me, that's being a straight up DICK.
soft_touch938

Feb 29 @ 9:41AM  
Aw hun, I've gone through what you're going through. Honestly, I'm not a good one to give advice in this area...why? Because I went through it for so long that it turned me into an angry, jaded woman. I still have very low opinions of men and what they want...that would be eye candy...just eye candy and it makes no difference who a woman is on the inside...it's all about looks.

A man told me once that if men had to choose between a pretty face and a pretty body, they'd choose the body every time. He's right and that makes me furious!

In '04 I started my own diet program and by '06, I'd lost 90 lbs...and you know what? That still wasn't good enough! Oh I was good enough to jump in bed with but not good enough to be a serious candidate for a relationship.

For a long time, men's need for a slender, younger woman had my self esteem in the toilet. Then one day I realized that if I wasn't good enough for them just the way I was, wasn't MY problem. Why would I want a man who was so shallow? I didn't! Not one of them was worth my time and effort. I turned my efforts inward to accept that I could be happen alone.

I realize that for me, that worked because of my age. The older one is, the easier it is to be alone. Yet I hate to see ANY woman "settle" for any man less than she deserves just because men think body image is so important.

Be who you are. Lose weight if you can but do it for yourself, not for any man. It's easier to stick to a diet when you're doing it because you want to improve yourself and your health.

Good luck...you can do it!
soft_touch938

Feb 29 @ 9:44AM  
happen alone.

That's HAPPY...
manwithoutahorse

online now!
Feb 29 @ 9:30PM  
It took me awhile to comment on your blog because my mind kept running to random phrases, expressions and cliches. "honesty is the best policy", "gotta be true to my heart", "I'm always honest, brutally honest". It made me think that being brutally honest is still brutal. I guess I would have handled the encounter differently. Though I'm glad you seem strong enough to overcome the hurt. Hang in there.
WoundedbutWilling

Feb 29 @ 9:37PM  
AUTHORS NOTE: Here's a Reveal: I'm 24 years SOBER (unusual for women, since most relapse from addictions recovery within 5, making me a dinosaur at this), and in 12 Step circles we talk about "rigorous" honesty being QUITE brutal!

With the luxury of agonizing over this in a group of 20 (mixture of men and women, men outnumbering us girls 3 to 1) for an hour, we came to the FOLLOWING CONCLUSION:

"There is a DIFFERENCE between RIGOROUS Honesty and BRUTAL Honesty....and BRUTAL is ABUSIVE, while RIGOROUS IS NOT".

Kinda settles it for me...what about the rest of ya?
manwithoutahorse

online now!
Feb 29 @ 10:00PM  
I like the distinction...I'll use that. Rigorous vs brutal...like a good workout.
sugarnspice005

Feb 29 @ 10:54PM  
You live your life for YOU and don't worry about what someone who doesn't really know you thinks.

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Piggy de la Poesía, Estoy Ciertamente