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NOT SETTLING: When Yellow Flags Need To Be Red

posted 2/25/2012 7:26:57 PM |
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  WoundedbutWilling

I learned the hard way, recently; my own recently-found lesson had NOT YET come to the SAME value of a man who'd asked me out. Hearing the night before a proposed first date that he ALREADY, sight unseen, found some of my conversational patterns irritating, I asked him why he still wanted to go out...

"It was just a YELLOW FLAG", he said; "I know NOT meeting you would amount to judging a book by its' cover. I don't want it done to me, so I figured I'd take a chance on you", he explained.

Naw...NOPE. I'd behaved INTOLERABLY to him ALREADY, and so, I chose to cancel the date, for the sake of BOTH of us.

While all that sounds a little control-freaky on my part, I KNOW what it's like "to settle"; similarly, I've told never-married friends the WORST, MOST ALONE you'll ever feel is when you're in bed with a partner, there are 3 inches separating your feet or your butts, and you've reached the point where you JUST KNOW if someone crosses to touch? :

YEAH...Someone"s GONNA DIE a death..and the humiliation and agony will string on like SHEER TORTURE :

I know now I'd rather go places by myself-take a table for one at a restaurant, enjoy an event, all alone-than settle for a companion I REALLY think I MIGHT want to tolerate a bad trait of mine, but I CAN'T DEAL with his uggy stuff :

There's a point where it's just nicer to pass than metaphorically taking a hostage by going out with someone who, perhaps would benefit from OUR complimentary traits and skills but WITH WHOM WE GET LITTLE positive in return

(God bless my now VERY married friend Al; a good drunk like I am, he says, "A relationship is only as healthy as THE SICKEST PERSON IN IT")

As another single in Southern state I once lived in said, "I'm looking for a PARTNER NOT A PROJECT"; being NICE is one thing, but if we are going out with someone we ALREADY get queasy about JUST TALKING TO THEM ?

Nah...we need to STOP THAT CRAP, we're sending a message of approval that, most likely, we are going to regret.

(Authors Note: This blog, c2012 by GC Cameron, All Rights Reserved; it originally appeared elsewhere. [In other words, keep your Ejaculation-wetted hands off it, it's NOT YOURS])

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   read more blogs!

Blogs by WoundedbutWilling:
3 Funerals, 2 Pending, 1 FU JobStorming Off....
LYING...(I Don't Know Why Your Doing It Bugs Me)
On Being A Priority vs An Option
BANG A DRUM: On Storms and Silence
CAN'T GET EMAILS OUT: What IS Happening?
I HAVE Known, You Know....
Piggy de la Poesía, Estoy Ciertamente
NOT SETTLING: When Yellow Flags Need To Be Red
DON'T Decide Ahead of Time: On Defining What You Don't Have (Yet)


Comments:

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manwithoutahorse

online now!
Feb 25 @ 10:14PM  
Thanks for an honest and frank blog.
I agree.
MaryAnn_

Feb 26 @ 1:08AM  



click here
HollyDear

Feb 26 @ 10:23AM  
Why would any one want to go out with someone when 'flags' appear before you actually go out with them? However, I have seen it happen time and time again with men and women forcing their way through an outing that isn't going well.

I confess, I've accepted a date because I didn't want to hurt the man's feelings or thought maybe I was being too critical and should give him a chance. The majority of the time it didn't go well.

I finally realized I was being a coward and needed to be more honest with myself as well as the other person. Now when the yellow flag appears I deal with it straight on. Most of the time my radar is right and the other person seemed to be even more relieved than I was or they thanked me for my candor. I'm much happier and waste less time now that I'm not afraid to let the other person know my opinion.

Occasionally when I let a man know I'm not interested, they try to push me into reconsidering or their anger flares. Both are additional flags which reinforce 'why' I won't go out with them. Then I walk away without drama and grateful I stuck to my principles.

Good blog. I'd give you a green thing, but POF says I don't have any left. I don't understand that since I haven't been able to give one... so I don't get that part of kudos.
TastyCupcake

Feb 26 @ 10:55PM  
A relationship is only as healthy as THE SICKEST PERSON IN IT

I'm looking for a PARTNER NOT A PROJECT


I love those. Thanks for sharing them.

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NOT SETTLING: When Yellow Flags Need To Be Red