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What Scares You Away From..Getting To Know Someone?

posted 2/19/2012 11:38:34 PM |
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  onehornytoad69

Most of us here... have been Married..or in Long term relationships..that did not work out!

After the Initial Breakups..something happens to us..as far as Finding someone Else ..goes!! So I..see it!!!
Well.. it happens to some of us!!!

I have been on both sides of..Getting to know someone... and getting Scared off!!!
Most of the time..its a Trust Issue!!

I would rather Bail..on a Possible relationship..than have them Bail on me...!!!
Sounds Silly.... but its true!

I would like to have a Dollar for every time..I Made this happen!!
Hind sight..is good...but damn ..did I fuck up a bunch of possible Relationships!!!
It took me a while to understand what I was doing...
When the Women started doing me the same way...I finally got the Message!!!!!
(I had one here that even pointed out my Problems... but I wouldn't listen!!! Thx a bunch ..Lady..You know who you are!!!)
No..they were not lovers..that knew me..they were just ladies..Fighting their past Relationships..like I was!!
We are more Independent nowadays... and most blame Failed relationships on that!
We might...need to Dig a Little deeper than that!!
Ya think?
Whats your thoughts....on failed Relationships?
What did you find,... that was Hindering You..from finding someone!!

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Comments:

post a comment!

40DWM

Feb 20 @ 6:51AM  
[ JMHO]
Most of us, are attracted to the same 'type', that we've found enticed us in the past.
Unfortunately, many of the same traits of certain mind sets, can be found across the
board. When we recognize the good traits, we are at home. When we see the traits
that were not pleasant, or were contributing factors to the end of THAT relationship,
many men, run. Away, and fast.

Males that are not aware of their faults, are obviously NOT in a relationship, as you
can count on your woman, to point each one out to you.
pinklipstick2

Feb 20 @ 8:40AM  
It justnot only failed relatioship OT . When you had a good one and the other dies , You think that it you will never have that good again . It can be trust issue you might not want to trust another . Then you think You have deal with the other exs and do you want to . Ther is all kinds of things that run thru ones mind . One more thing is do you want to put your heartout there again . But reall y it can be good it will just be different . AS you can tell I don't have it all figured out might not ever thats ok like all things baby steps .
sugarnspice005

Feb 20 @ 9:47AM  
When you had a good one and the other dies , You think that it you will never have that good again

pinklipstick hit it right there. I've blogged about it..so I'm not going into detail here.

It's a trust issue too. And, knowing in the back of my mind that we always put our best forward when meeting someone. I mean, who is going to show their flaws first?

We all have that "baggage" with us, and sometimes it's hard to leave it in the past.
Fckmhrdtnght

Feb 20 @ 9:58AM  
Fear of pain ...

if there is a possibility of a relationship, I push that person away ...
that way there is no chance that I will ever feel that terrible pain of losing someone.

I used to be that way when my fear of pain was stronger than my desire for a companion/lover.

So I settled for guys that gave me just sex ... got a little bit of human closeness however not enough that if they left that I would not be devastated.

I conquered my fear of letting someone get close however something else happened, I want it all - love, companionship - long term.

Now here's my problem, it's easy to get sex .... it's near impossible to find someone who is at the same place, willing to invest time to get to know someone, someone who is truly ready to love in a healthy, meaningful way. To let trust grow.

Dating these days just seems to mean, hooking up ... so .... whatever
Wordsofwit

Feb 20 @ 10:04AM  
We are more Independent nowadays...

For some like myself, I think that is the answer. Being on your own means no compromising and be able to do what you want the way you want with no arguments or bitching. As a result there is a comfort zone that one can become contented with.
ksk72

Feb 20 @ 6:01PM  
Personally I still believe in the old saying...Better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. Yes break ups hurt but if ya put your mind to it you can get over it. I would rather break up and recover a few times than waste all those years alone and not having any fun. Life is to short to not enjoy ever minute you can and its more fun to share your happiness with someone you love.
lunanegra

Feb 20 @ 8:25PM  
What did you find,... that was Hindering You..from finding someone!!

Myself...but at least I have the self-awareness to know its best to hang back until I feel everything's good with me before I try.

Being on your own means no compromising and be able to do what you want the way you want with no arguments or bitching. As a result there is a comfort zone that one can become contented with.
Also this.
casuallylooking

Feb 20 @ 11:08PM  
Being on your own means no compromising and be able to do what you want the way you want with no arguments or bitching.
No having to deal with jealousy or someone wanting to know your every move.
I never thought I could find someone who could or would deal with my stubborness and independence.
But we don't know who may be the one out there waiting for us if we don't take that leap....

The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back.
Luvrgrl

Feb 21 @ 9:37AM  
Fckmh-nailed it....my sentiments exactly. My last significant relationship ended in 09 and I STILL can't bring myself to be in a relationship.

I don't want to blame it all on my ex, but....I will say that he left me with a pretty ugly wound. And I don't treat relationships with men the same. To some degree that is a good thing, and to some degree it's not. So for now, it is what it is....I can only hope that when the right one comes along...I (we) will know it, and it just comes together....

But as far as getting to know you OHT- I'm all about it!
Wordsofwit

Feb 21 @ 10:10AM  
Great post, slipping you a green thing The responses are all very good. It is an emotionally dirven subject and I feel that our individual histories highly influence our responses. If somebody has experienced the anguish and pain from betrayal, then that fear of pain combined with a loss of trust become major drivers. But if major relationships did not come undone due to that scenario, the sentiments will be markedly different.
shewolf53

Feb 21 @ 2:08PM  
Great blog and a greenie for you.

I think a lot of people have been burned in relationships in their past and start expecting everyone to be the same as the ex or in many cases make that plural as in exes. Problem with that is while staying away from the fire they could miss out on something really good in their life.

Then there are those who really never really wanted a s/o in their life. They tend to push people away from them because they do not really want them there and if things get too serious they do the hundred yard sprint in the other direction. The breakup is the excuse they give themselves and others because it is one people understand and accept.

I think you have as many reasons as you have people in the world and each has valid reasons in their own mind.

Caution is good but when it cripples someone's life it becomes a problem.
KnightsSearch

Apr 21 @ 7:27PM  
Some times people say they want to love and are ready to try but they tell you they have built walls around there heart and dont know if anybody can get thru ...

You start to get thru and then they change the rules on you and tell you the only man they could really trust was there father .. and your left holding the bag and all these feeling that has been awoken in you as well

WTF do you do now LOL

Keep tring

good hunting to all those in search of love

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What Scares You Away From..Getting To Know Someone?