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"Beer Troubleshooting"

posted 11/28/2011 1:36:54 PM |
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points
toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about
house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong
part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect
and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case
it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize
the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

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Nov 28 @ 1:56PM  
Been there, done all of that

Nov 28 @ 2:06PM  
Yup this all sounds familiar.............reminds me why I no longer drink LOL

Nov 28 @ 2:58PM  
I hear ya doc. Hey Ewe!!! How ya been?

Nov 28 @ 9:00PM  

Hey Ewe!!! How ya been?

Oh you know.........not in bad shape for the shape i'm in...........and how are you doing Father Max?

Nov 28 @ 9:50PM  
Yeah...I remember a few of those myself.

Nov 28 @ 10:04PM  
Never did like beer but it does remind me when my uncle guilty me into helping tend bar .

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