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posted 11/24/2011 12:30:54 AM |
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Recently I have found myself visiting my ex's facebook page. Now, the first time we can go ahead and chalk it up to curiosity. Nobody is going to have a problem with that. But that doesnt explain the handful of times since that I have wasted looking at snapshots from this rotten bitch's life. For that I have no explaination. No explaination I want to go on the record with, anyway.

At first I thought I was doing it because I wanted to see how fucking tore up she looked. I mean...I hadnt laid eyes on her in damned near 20yrs. Plus, it had been close to a decade since my brother told me she had gotten a bunch of piercings in her face, so I wasnt expecting good things for her. Imagine my surprise that first time I saw her and she looked...well...good. As good or better than I do, anyways. And thats ok. I really dont wish bad shit on her. Its not that kind of party.

But I keep going back and looking at photos of a life I know nothing about. People I will never meet (nor do I have any desire to do so) hanging out with a woman I used to know. Not only hanging out, but apparently enjoying themselves doing it! What is my sudden fascination with the minutia of this bitch's existence all about? Then I realized what I was looking for amid all these unfamiliar images. I was looking for regret.

I wanted photographic proof that the bitch was fucking miserable. I wanted to see for myself that her entire goddamn life sucked since we broke up. I wanted to know with absolute certainty that she wished she hadn't fucked everybody I knew. I wanted to know that she knew how bad she had fucked up. I ask you, was that so much to ask?

Instead of that what I discovered were the treasured memories of a life without me in it. I wasnt prepared for that shit and I honestly dont know how I feel about it. If you would have asked me that question yesterday I would have said I dont give a rat's ass. Maybe thats not exactly the truth. Maybe there is more to it than that.

There is absolutely no question in my mind that I am much better off without that woman actively making me miserable every fucking day of my life. The fact is she never loved me. At least not the way I loved her. I suppose I always believed that she had loved me once upon a time and finding out there wasnt any evidence of this at all knocked me for a loop. What a dirty bitch, huh?

Im telling you, people...facebook is fucking evil.

Keeping you posted


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Nov 24 @ 1:55AM  
Very interesting post

Nov 24 @ 3:15AM  
You are most likely Relating to the Holidays!!! Knowingly or Not!!!
You Loved her!!!!! and You want those days back!!!
Hell...I Miss so much...of what I had with my X... its not funny!!!
The Holidays ....made life worth Living!!! Gosh,... I can remember those days!!!

Life changes..we change...Move on Bro!!! Make more Awesome memories.... with someone else!!!!!!
Hell, I'm trying too!!!!!
My 2 cents!

Nov 24 @ 7:16AM  
I've always looked out of the side of my head at Facebook. I mean, yeah, I hear all
the stories of how you'll rediscover all the people you knew, and they'll have fun contacting
YOU, too, but, see...

There IS something to be said about anonymity. From identity theft to prospective
employers snooping on your page to the asshole(s) you thought you left back in the
dust long ago, ANYTHING or ANYBODY can come crawling out of the virtual slime into
YOUR computer, just because they feel like it! It's like going into a job interview and
showing off your prison tats.

I chatted with my first girlfriend from high school awhile ago, and she kept urging me
to get on the evil FB site. I'm still resisting, however, because, for one reason....(in a
whisper...) I don't want anything to do with most of those people!!. That's a Pandora's
box you just can't slam shut again.

As for MY ex...well, um, yeah, I gotta admit I've done the Google thing once
or twice, but (thank GOD!) she's not computer literate enough to get online and
build a FB profile. Otherwise I'd probably be right there with DS doing the"What if??"
thing, too!

Nov 24 @ 7:20PM  
A delightful insight into your own feelings. It reminds me of a saying about the best revenge against an ex is living well. And with your Ex seeming to live well in the Facebook world, it is almost as if she is getting this kind of revenge.

There probably an Aesop's fable that applies as well.

As to Facebook being evil, I whole heartedly agree. I don't need my sister, my ex knowing what I am up to. So I avoid Facebook like the plague!

Nov 24 @ 10:23PM  
I've had ex's that I could really care less what happens to them or what has become of them, and I have had ex's that I can tolerate for all of 5 minutes before I am reminded of why they are an ex. And none of them are on my friend's list on Facebook. I don't know if any of them have a Facebook page, never thought to look for them, and have no plans on doing so either.

Forget about her....she's an ex for a reason.

Nov 25 @ 1:39AM  
Sounds like you're saying "She wins".

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