My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers---
so I did.......She's 22 and her name's Suzie.
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Went to the bar with my girlfriend last night. The locals were shouting
"Pedophile!" and other ugly names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class
give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you
get banned from teaching altogether."
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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife
is having sex with me again....she can't afford batteries.
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A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife may be dead".
The operator says, "What makes you think so?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the laundry is really piling up!"
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I overheard my girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well.....she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated-- but will come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening carefully."
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My wife has been missing for over a week now.
The police said I must prepare for the worst.
So, I went back to Goodwill and got all her damn clothes back.
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