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posted 1/20/2007 3:00:55 PM |
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  DickSlippery

The scene opens with a man and his wife sitting at the kitchen table doing their bills. Finally the man throws his hands up in the air in disgust.

MAN: I just don’t see how we can afford it!

WOMAN: Maybe if we take out a second mortgage on the house?

MAN: I don’t know…

VO: Is the high cost of college tuition getting U down? (The man and woman both turn and nod in acknowledgement) Are U beginning 2 wonder just how U’re going 2 make it? Well then, U need 2 do what thousands B4 U in Ur same predicament have done!

Woman: What’s that?

Man: Yeah…we’ll try anything!

VO: Get Ur child Hooked on Narcotics, then sit back and watch as Ur child’s GPA falls through the floor!

WOMAN: (skeptical) I don’t know. Aren’t narcotics supposed 2 be dangerous?

VO: Only if U buy them off the street. Here at Hooked on Narcotics we use only the finest, pharmaceutical grade drugs available in our programs. But don’t take my word 4 it! Listen 2 some of our happy customers!

Cut 2 scene of woman #two sitting on the couch smoking.

WOMAN #TWO: My daughter Lindsay has always been a straight A student, so I wuzn’t very surprised when she wuz accepted 2 Sarah Lawrence. I had no way of paying 4 that kind of tuition, so when my neighbor suggested I try getting her Hooked on Narcotics I thought, “What the heck? Let’s give it a try!” Well it’s been six weeks since we started her on the program, and now she’s talking about taking time off 2 find herself after high school, instead of going straight 2 college like she planned. Thanks Hooked on Narcotics!

Cut 2 scene of Man #two unloading the back of a truck.

MAN #TWO: My wife passed away when Robbie wuz only ten, so I’ve been the only breadwinner in the house since then. There’s just no way I could put anything away on my salary 4 school…not and keep up my drinking! So when my buddy told me about Hooked on Narcotics I jumped at the chance. I just followed the easy 2 use instructions on the back of the package 2 get Robbie started on pot, then let nature takes it course! Ten months later not only had he 4gotten about going 2 college…he’d dropped out of school all 2gether! Thanks Hooked on Narcotics!

Cut 2 scene of Man #3 and Woman #3 sitting on couch 2gether.

MAN #3: Our Janice always had the desire 2 be something when she grew up, so it wuz no surprise when she told us she wuz applying 2 Cal 2 study marine biology.

WOMAN #3: She wanted 2 save the humpbacks. Unfortunately, due 2 his excessive gambling, we just couldn’t afford it.

MAN #3: A friend told us about Hooked on Narcotics and we decided 2 try it. It’s been three months, and now, instead of going 2 school, Janice is turning tricks 2 support her habit!

WOMAN #3: On busy weekends she even turns a profit! Thanks Hooked on Narcotics!

Cut back 2 Man #1 and Woman #1 sitting at kitchen table

VO: And with a choice between our regular, gateway program that’s starts Ur child out on marijuana and our new accelerated crack cocaine course U are bound 2 find the program that’s right 4 U…and Ur wallet!

WOMAN: (Taking package from off-camera) Well, ok…I guess we’ll see 4 ourselves just how good it really is!

MAN: (calling 2 someone upstairs) Gina? Come down here, honey! I have something I want U 2 try!

BOTH: (simultaneously, as they turn 2wards the camera and give thumbs up) Thanks Hooked on Narcotics!

Keeping U posted

DS

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   read more blogs!

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Dick’s Pixxx Number Four (Part ONE)
Blogging Without a Helmet
Dick's Pixxx Number THREE
THE CONTINUING, CONTINUING EVOLUTION of COCKUS HUMONGOUS
6. Mother
A WARNING (Please Heed it)!!!
I think we can do better...
Interview With a Hooker
5. Another Brick in the Wall Part 2
Scattered Thoughts & Random Ideas Vol. II
4. The Happiest Days of Our Lives
I never could follow directions...
And Now…A Word From Our Sponsor
Osama's Been Gonna - A Halliburton Boys Mystery (PART TWO)
Osama's Been Gonna - A Halliburton Boys Mystery (PART ONE)
3. Another Brick in the Wall Part 1
WE BOTH WANT 2 EAT HER…BUT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING? (part two)
WE BOTH WANT 2 EAT HER…BUT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING? (Part One)
2. The Thin Ice
This way...U can ignore me completely!
SIDE ONE: 1. In The Flesh?
I WONDER IF SHE'LL CALL ME DICK SLIPPONABITCH?
Chicks who dig anal...and the men who despise them 4 it!
THIS IS BOB
Scattered Thoughts & Random Ideas Vol. I


Comments:

post a comment!

Looking4ever

Jan 20 @ 3:14PM  
Man! You are a trip! Where do you come up woth your ideas for this stuff?!?!??!
ynot7769

Jan 20 @ 3:17PM  
Man! You are a trip! Where do you come up woth your ideas for this stuff?!?!??!


gotta be in the smoke...OR the mushrooms
DickSlippery

Jan 20 @ 3:21PM  
An old gypsy cursed me one day after I had stolen his monkey 4 a man named LeBeck, a shadowy character who walked with a limp and always smelled of cheese. Unbeknownst 2 me, LeBeck wanted the man's monkey 4 experiments that were being sponsored by an unknown company (do I look like I have a death wish?), but could have world wide implications! Oh, wait....that wuz something else. Nevermind.

DS
tlc0766

Jan 20 @ 3:27PM  
DS you have an unbelievable imagination, it's great that you can actually put it down in print
DickSlippery

Jan 20 @ 3:34PM  
It wuz either this or become a cereal killer (I fucking HATE oatmeal), and this seemed more...oh, I don't know...serene?

DS
JJN4Fun

Jan 20 @ 5:13PM  
Now why wasn't this around when my son told me he wanted to be a preacher??? Funny stuff, DS

str8ngr84u2

Jan 20 @ 10:08PM  
OMG that is some funny shit!!!! Thanks DS
Luvrgrl

Jan 20 @ 11:12PM  
DS....

HILLARIOUS! You should send this into MAD TV or Comedy Central...Good stuff bro...keep it coming!!!! I read your blogs every day....and on most days....I am laughing all the way thru my day!

Thanks!
dixxxbitch

Jan 21 @ 12:41AM  
and to think I have to sleep next to this individual

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