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Osama's Been Gonna - A Halliburton Boys Mystery (PART TWO)

posted 1/20/2007 6:19:22 AM |
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  DickSlippery

Continued from B4 (that means don't read it unless U read PART ONE, dummy!!!)...


CHAIRMAN: (LOOKING AT RIFLE IN VP’S HAND) UM…WELL…I…

SECSTATE: JESUS, DICK…U NEED 2 GET OVER IT. SO U, ME AND EHUD OLMERT HAD A LITTLE FUN 2GETHER DURING THE LAST ROUND OF THE PEACE TALKS…SO WHAT? U DON’T SEE HIM CALLING ME UP FREAKING OUT, DO U? (2 CHAIRMAN UNDER HER BREATH) PROBABLY CUZ HE STILL CAN’T TALK! I TORE THAT OLD MAN UP!

VP: (HE STARTS BREATHING HEAVILY) I SHOULD HAVE SHOT U WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE, U FUCKING CUNT!

SECSTATE: WELL, MAYBE SO…BUT YA DIDN’T. SUCKS 2 BE U RIGHT NOW! (SHE TOSSES EMORY BOARD N2 HER PURSE AND PULLS OUT HER CELLULAR PHONE AND STARTS SCROLLING THROUGH HER CONTACTS) I WONDER WHAT HILLARY IS UP 2? THAT BITCH IS CRAZY. I’M GONNA CALL HER! (SHE PRESSES THE BUTTON AND HOLDS THE PHONE 2 HER EAR)

VP: I…SHOULD…HAVE… (HE CLUTCHES HIS CHEST AND FALLS 2 THE GROUND. THE OTHER RUSH 2 HIS AID)

SECSTATE: (IN BACKGROUND) HELLO…HILL? WHAT ARE U DOING, U FUCKING BITCH? WHO DO U THINK IT IS? U BEEN KEEPING THAT MAN OF URS IN LINE, GIRL? HE AINT BEEN SNIFFING UP MY ASS IN A LONG TIME, I KNOW THAT! OH MY GOD…IT’S CONDE! I SAID IT’S CONDE! (SHE LOOKS UP AND SAYS 2 NO ONE IN PARTICULAR) IS THIS BITCH DEAF, OR WHAT? (SHE YELLS BACK N2 THE PHONE) HEY!...HEY!...I CAN’T HEAR SHIT ON THIS PHONE! LET ME CALL U BACK! WHAT? NO...MY BATTERY IS ABOUT 2 GO DEAD! I'LL CALL U BACK LATER!(SHE HANGS IT UP AND TOSSES IT BACK N2 HER PURSE) FUCK THAT BITCH AND HER SORRY ASS MAN. HE GOTS A LITTLE DICK, ANYWAYS! (2 CHAIRMAN) DID U KNOW THAT MOTHERFUCKER GOTS A LITTLE DICK? (SHE NOTICES VP 4 THE FIRST TIME) WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?

SECDEF: HE’S HAVING A HEART ATTACK! GET SOME HELP!

SECSTATE: AIN’T NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM. GET UP OFF THE GROUND, U OLD FOOL! (SHE KICKS VP) ALL U GOT IS SOME GAS. NOW, GET UP…B4 SOMEONE SEES UR DUMB ASS.

THE VP MAKES A STRANGE RATTLING NOISE, STARTS TREMBLING VIOLENTLY, THEN COLLAPSES AND DIES. THE SECDEF LEANS OVER 2 CHECK HIS PULSE.

SECDEF: HE’S DEAD.

CHAIRMAN: WHAT? HOW DID…

PRES: HE’S DEAD? DID U JUST FUCKING SAY HE WUZ DEAD? OH…SHIT! (HE STARTS CLEANING UP AROUND HIS DESK) OH, SHIT! THERE’S GONNA BE QUESTIONS…I’M GOING 2 HAVE 2 TALK 2 CONGRESS…AND THE PRESS…HOLY FUCK…DO U FUCKING KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE I’M IN? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO? I KNEW I SHOULDA JUST STAYED IN AUSTIN. FUCKING CARL ROWE…HELP ME CLEAN THIS PLACE UP, WILL U?

SECSTATE: CALM DOWN, MR. PRESIDENT, AND LET ME HANDLE THIS.

PRES: I THINK U’VE DONE QUITE ENOUGH. THANK U VERY MUCH!

SECSTATE: HOW WUZ I SUPPOSED 2 KNOW HE WUZ GONNA FUCKING DIE ON ME? LET ME HANDLE IT, WILL U? I KNOW A GUY AT THE POST.

PRES: U KNOW A GUY AT THE POST?

SECSTATE: I KNOW A GUY AT THE POST.

PRES: CAN HE GET ME WIZARDS TICKETS?

SECSTATE: I DON’T KNOW...I’D HAVE 2 ASK HIM. BUT HE CAN HELP ME MAKE THIS GO AWAY.

PRES: OK…MAKE THE CALL.



WASHINGTON – Vice President Dick Cheney wuz rushed 2 Walter Reed General Hospital 2day after collapsing during a White House strategy session, and wuz later pronounced dead of an apparent heart attack. While no one is saying what strategies were being discussed at the time the Vice President fell ill, it is believed they were trying 2 solidify a plan 2 go N2 Western Afghanistan and capture the elusive leaders of Al Qaeda, including Osama Bin Laden, who remains at large despite an overwhelming US military presence in the region. The President, who wuz in Cleveland at the time of the Vice President’s attack, did not release a statement, but sources close 2 him are saying he misses Dick terribly.



Keeping U posted,

DS

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Comments:

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jump9

Jan 20 @ 8:29AM  
whats freak'in me out is I believe it...(must be the sinsy bud and vodka)..(WOW)
tlc0766

Jan 20 @ 11:20AM  
ds man you come up with some wild shit don't you?? keep em coming!!!!

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Osama's Been Gonna - A Halliburton Boys Mystery (PART TWO)