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Armed man barricaded in Arizona air base announces demands

posted 9/17/2011 9:48:32 AM |
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tagged: satire
  RevDocLove


Topics: Guns, Arizona
Saturday, 17 September 2011


The gunman has spent the bulk of his time overseeing people's bathroom breaks TUCSON, Arizona--
Davis-Monthan Air Force Base was on lockdown Friday as authorities investigated "suspicious activity." This was upgraded to "extremely suspicious and downright dangerous activity" when it was determined that an armed man was holed up in one of the base buildings.

This status was upgraded once more to "ludicrous behavior with inactivity" after the gunman made known his demands after several hours of a lockdown that has prevented people from leaving or entering the base.

Air Force Tech. Sgt. Martin Russell announced the demands to the media outside an entrance of the base, stating, "The man in question has asked that three wishes be filled before he agrees to hand over his weapon.

"First off, the man in question wants a guarantee that the Arizona Cardinals will win it all this year as the franchise hasn't one a championship since 1947.

"Second, he wants to have a beer with President Obama at the White House just like the recipient of the Medal of Honor did.

"Three, he would like people to stop saying that Arizona has a serious gun problem like few other states."

Asked which of the three demands was most likely to come to fruition, Russell replied, "None of them. We have a much better chance of shooting the bastard dead."

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Comments:

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somnium

Sep 17 @ 2:19PM  
"the man in question wants a guarantee that the Arizona Cardinals will win......"

BAM... head shot- man falls over dead... clean and simple- no wasted tax payer dollars... next??





40DWM

Sep 17 @ 6:05PM  
Hope Springs Eternal. Have been watching Texas Rangers Baseball for over 30 years........It COULD happen!!

Let him keep his dream alive!

Or move his ass to Boston or New York, and force him to root for the Home Team.
sugarnspice005

Sep 17 @ 8:25PM  
Only 139 views? Dang Rev...you piss off the view fairy again?

lunanegra

Sep 17 @ 8:48PM  
So, what was his AMD handle?
RevDocLove

Sep 17 @ 9:21PM  
I got it from a very reliable source that it was some idiot asshole from Berlin, Md.

I forgot his name.. Not too memorable
StraddleMyNose

Sep 17 @ 10:39PM  
Arizona Cardinals will win it all this year
When hell freezes over...

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Armed man barricaded in Arizona air base announces demands