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Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat

posted 1/19/2007 10:59:53 AM |
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1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other
dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note: placing a paw or
nose-print in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it,
nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way.)

3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner
beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a
ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help
to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and
try to pull the door open. (Trust me, I have been using the bathroom
for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a
sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on
my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh.

8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering
pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on
the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it
was wrong when you did it.

9. Cat: My sitting down to bite into a juicy sandwich is not a signal
for you to begin gagging loudly and then hocking up the most disgusting
hairball in history.

10. Dog and Cat: The proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I
cannot stress this enough.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

3. I like my pet(s) better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short,
hairy, walks on all fours and is speech-challenged.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to
train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your
car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, and don't worry
about the latest fashions.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

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Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat
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post a comment!


Jan 19 @ 11:25AM  
You have obviously been to my house...many times!! But, at least I don't have my horse living here too!

Jan 19 @ 11:25AM  
I needed a laugh. Thanks. :-)

Jan 19 @ 11:27AM  
LOL Sunny, not only been there, but lived there, too! I'm still not recovered from the vole your cat back then left under the bed! *shudders and gets queasy at the memory*

Jan 19 @ 11:37AM  
I guess I'm not the only one that sees that a lot of these rules also apply to husbands and children.

Jan 19 @ 11:42AM  
Thats why i have a fish and a snake, less hassel...

Jan 19 @ 12:02PM  
I think I may make that list applicable to husbands and children.....and post it on the front door.....oh and the guests too! LOL....thx PK

Jan 19 @ 12:02PM  
I also think more of my dog than I do most people.

Jan 19 @ 12:35PM  
lol thats my house, and you might as well say i have a horse living there, i have 2 huge great danes

Jan 19 @ 12:43PM  
Very funny PK as for the bed comment I have two rottweilers who are convinced I got my kingsize bed just for their comfort. That of course doesnt include my three cats who KNOW I got it for theirs.
Interesting thing about telling animals to move though....... I can tell the dogs all night to move and they just stare at me like I am crazy. My husband on the other hand (who is disabled and can barely get around ) uses two canes and as soon as they see him reaching for his canes they are up and right out of the way.And no he doesnt hit them with the canes..
Who said animals are dumb??

Jan 19 @ 1:04PM  
hahaha... great blog!

As a courtesy to my own dog, please consider adding the following item:

When I'm about to step into the shower, that's not the time to shower me with affection.

Jan 19 @ 1:35PM  

......Loved the bed part......When Bear was with me (Newfoundland), he found it to be just too much trouble to try and jump up on the bed...he was way too heavy and just had no interest --- he would however, get two paws up and "look" to me for help (which NEVER came).
Nice post Princess......


Jan 19 @ 1:45PM  
Yeah, I too can be a slob and have a house look a little something like that.

Jan 19 @ 1:53PM  
This is one of my all time favorites!!!!!!!! Have you ever shared a kind size bed with 2 german shepherds and a husky mix? well at least they keep me warm, when I am sandwiched between 2 of them and one at my feet!!!

Jan 19 @ 2:27PM  
PK you described my house to a tee.
Do you mind if I copy it for my sister.
kudo for you dear.

Jan 19 @ 2:32PM  
Very funny and oh so very true. I don't have any pets anymore since the ex took the dog and my cat died Thanksgiving, but I can certainly feel the same way.. Nice post as usual.....

Jan 19 @ 2:32PM  
I guess I'm not the only one that sees that a lot of these rules also apply to husbands and children.

Damn it damn it damn it.. one of us is rubbing off on the other That was nearly word for word what I wanted to say!

Jan 19 @ 2:41PM  
one of us is rubbing off on the other

There shall be NO RUBBING OFF on this blog... that's what my other blogs are for, dammit!!

Jan 19 @ 3:18PM  
Be nice or I'll get Sunny in here and start talking about kissing my way down her tummy to that button ring she has, then.....

Jan 19 @ 3:22PM  
it's amazing how sensitive a piercing can make one's belly-button!

Jan 19 @ 3:22PM  
Hell! (In my best Jeff Foxworthy voice) I'd pay Ten Bucks to SEE THAT!!!

Jan 19 @ 6:23PM  
The great thing about being a pet is you get the best free shows in town..... and whats wrong with rubbing off?

Jan 19 @ 6:24PM  
Can I copy your "rules for non-pet owners"?

Jan 19 @ 6:38PM  
What you say to your pet cat
Now don't scratch the furniture Snowy, don't chase the mice around the house Snowy, don't wee on the new rug Snowy.
What the cat hears
Blah blah blah blah Snowy, blah blah blah blah blah Snowy, blah blah blah blah Snowy.
A kudo for you too

Jan 20 @ 2:31AM  
LMFAO! My dog is like my child, he's treated better than some people.

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Pet Rules--Memo to the Family Dog and Cat