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WE BOTH WANT 2 EAT HER…BUT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING? (Part One)

posted 1/19/2007 6:55:36 AM |
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  DickSlippery

I know that Straddle blogged about this subject not so long ago, but I’ve decided I have something I can add 2 the conversation. U know…a little 411 especially 4 those of U that may still be on the fence on this one. U know who U are. The subject of which I speak is, of course…cannibalism.

I wuz watching the History Channel last night and saw this program on cannibalism. They featured several historical accounts including the Donner party. In fact, they were trying 2 use modern forensic techniques 2 determine whether or not they actually did engage in this taboo, or if it wuz all just some bullshit that the papers picked up becuz it wuz sensational as all hell (and what the fuck else wuz happening worth printing in 1847?). 4 those who don’t know what I’m talking about GET OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND READ A FUCKING BOOK U FUCKING FUCK! The rest of U may read on at Ur own peril.

The Donner party – victims of a lethal combination of and early Sierra winter and their own blatant stupidity – were actually two separate parties. The one near the lake (which everyone agrees carried some of it’s members on the menu, although there is some question as 2 who wuz the main course and who wuz the appetizer), and another one six miles away which actually held the Donners, their shitload of kids and John Donner’s brother, his old lady and kids. Everyone else in the wagon train had pressed onward in an attempt 2 make it over the pass as the Donner brothers stopped 2 fix a broken axle, so they were caught further west when the snows came. There wuz some contact between camps, but not enough 4 them 2 be trading recipes, which is why the modern day descendants of John Donner want this thing cleared up once and 4 all. The family has been carrying around this stigma 4 over one hundred fifty years (although who the fuck is going 2 know they are one of those Donners unless they tell people, “Why, yes! I am one of those Donners. Would U say this wine goes well with red meat?”). One way or another these people just want 2 know what the fuck happened. And they hired a butt load of experts 2 help them do just that.

So anyway, these dickheads are trying 2 get N2 Cali and they get trapped in a blizzard. I have tried 2 survive in a blizzard in those very same mountains – not even one hundred miles from where they ended up spending the winter – and I can say from personal experience that that wuz one COLD motherfucker right there! And I wuz only up in that bitch 4 like six hours…those poor bastards were up there 4 four fucking months! Add 2 that the fact that what cattle they did still have by then mysteriously disappeared on the first night (I suspect they had a bar-b-que down by the lake, but there is no evidence 2 support that assumption) and U can see why the question comes 2 mind. Just how the fuck did U survive?

The archaeologists did uncover some bones at the campsite, and after carefully examining them they determined that they had been boiled 2 the point that all the nutrients trapped inside the bones had been completely leeched out. Look…I’m just a poor, working class boy from the ghetto, but what that means 2 me is these motherfuckers were eating bone soup. Do U have any fucking idea just how fucking hungry U have 2 be 2 eat motherfucking bone soup? No…I suspect U don’t, cuz if U had ever been that hungry U would have sold Ur fucking computer and bought some greens or potatoes or some goddamned thing 2 go along with that leg bone U’ve been saving. Bone fucking soup…give me a break. But that’s what these motherfuckers were eating, and it did manage 2 keep some of them alive long enough 2 get tired of burying their children, so eventually they sent the surviving three off with their aunt 2 find rescue. John Donner wuz sick from an infection by that time, so his wife elected 2 remain behind with him, rather than leave him 2 die alone. Neither of them wuz ever heard from again, but after carefully examining all of the bones found at the site the scientists were able 2 determine that the only things they ate were deer and the family dog, who they weren’t going 2 be able 2 feed anyway (plus, the little bastard kept running off with their bones and nothing will fuck up bone soup faster than that...let me tell U!), but no human bones were found on the site where the Donners actually stayed. I suspect that if he wuzn’t 2 sick by then John Donner may have eaten his wife in those final daze, but not in the manner by which he has been blamed over the last two centuries.

2 BE CONTINUED...

Keeping U posted,

DS

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Comments:

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Sunshine79

Jan 19 @ 7:02AM  
If it came down to it.....I'd eat my spouse....OK....maybe not. I really don't know if I could eat someone I know....guess what I'm sayin' is I'd eat a stranger before my significant other! Hand me the hot sauce!
Looking4ever

Jan 19 @ 7:44AM  
Isn't the plight of these people so sad? And all mostly because of their stupidity and pride. The Donners had money and didn't really listen to the tried and true tested advice....to their peril. It does get cold up there. Went camping one Easter at Donner Pass. Wearing shorts on Saturday morning, digging trough the snow Sunday morning to get out of the tent. The weather changes so quickly up there. Um, so were you asking if we'd eat another human? I don't suppose I'll know until I am tested like those in the 'Donner party' or the survivors in the Andes. I hope I never have to find out. However, if I was dead and someone had the chance to survive something as horrific as either of those instances, I hope that they would hack me up and enjoy!
str8ngr84u2

Jan 19 @ 9:55AM  
I totally agree with looking!
StraddleMyNose

Jan 19 @ 1:59PM  
Sunshine79, you can eat me anytime.


DS, good blog, giving ya a kudo for this one!

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WE BOTH WANT 2 EAT HER…BUT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING? (Part One)