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Shoo Fly Hair Pie: You Are What You Eat!

posted 6/11/2011 9:42:23 PM |
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The other day I was cruising around the cyber world on my new gadget. (It's like an Ipad,
but a little different. It's powered by fireflies, so there's never a power shortage. And
it's called....wait for it...the LilyPad! But I digress...) There was a piece
on the evening news about men with little or no risk for cancer, who are coming down
with throat cancer! These are young, otherwise healthy, non-smokers. So, what's up,
you might ask?

Well, almost in the same breath the announcer tossed out the letters "HPV," almost
as an afterthought. (HPV, or Human Papilloma Virus, is widely considered to be the
culprit in cervical cancer, and the reason for periodic pap smears for women.) So, why
is HPV being uttered while THROAT CANCER is being discussed?!?

Yeah, you guessed it. It seems that aficionados of oral sex are likely to pick up HPV
from an infected partner, and can then incubate the virus in their own bodies. Years down
the road, throat and oral cancers are much more likely for such a specimen!

Now, for a guy like me, who is well endowed, tongue wise, this comes as disasterous
news. Not only does it affect my fly catching prowess, but it also puts a crimp in
after-hours recreation!

It seems like a pretty huge coincidence that that Katie Couric chick has decided to
move on. I mean, a joke is a joke, but we're talking my LIVELIHOOD here! And I
gotta tell ya, tongue condoms are OUT of the QUESTION. They just don't MAKE 'em
that big.

So I guess I'm due for a visit to the clinic. Only thing is, what's so unusual about
a frog with a bug in his throat? My situation has been laughed off as trivial before...

So, if ever there was a good time for a fairy godmother to show up, this would be it!
Nothing fancy, you understand. No big miracles or anything. I just need to know I'm CLEAN!
Gimme a yell, Toots! I'm waiting...!!!

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Shoo Fly Hair Pie: You Are What You Eat!
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post a comment!


Jun 11 @ 10:02PM  
Well Kermit... I'm not surprised! I've always thought that you and Miss Piggy, always did make a strangle couple! See what happens when you cross-species???


Jun 11 @ 10:19PM  

Good one!!!!! (us toads need to stick together!!)
I feel your Pain!!!!
Ya know... I'm a horny toad....and Oral...Is/ the Top of my list......But.... yeah.....It sucks to be US right now...don't it?

Jun 11 @ 10:19PM  
lot of men out there are going to get pap smears for the throat. HOLY MOLEY

Jun 11 @ 10:22PM  
HPV is scary shit

Jun 11 @ 11:01PM  
Men are often carriers but don't show the symptoms. Unbeknownst to them, they may have the dick of death.

Jun 12 @ 8:38AM  
Well Kermit... I'm not surprised! I've always thought that you and Miss Piggy

One night after a cast party where a lot of liquor flowed, Miss Piggy and Kermit got frisky in her room. While she was giving Kermit a blow job a phone call came in and Kermit answered. It was her boyfriend wanting to speak with her. Kermit said, "She is unable to speak to you right now, she's got a frog in her throat."

Jun 12 @ 8:58AM  

I made this up myself and posted it over a year ago

A blonde princess was walking along the lake shore bemoaning the fact that she hadn't met her prince. Suddenly a voice called out to her, "Hey, over here!" She looked around and saw no one. The voice again called out, "Down here!" She then saw who was speaking to her on a lilly pad. "Do you remember the story of the princess and the frog?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she cheerfully replied. "Well, that story is true but with one difference. You don't kiss the frog on the lips, but rather you give him a long special kiss at a magic place between his legs." The princess smiled and proceeded to comply. After a few minutes he began to moan and shot off a load in her mouth. When she had gotten every drop she looked at him, but nothing happened. "I thought you said that the princess and frog story was true?" she asked puzzled. "It is," he replied. "But I'm a toad."

Jun 12 @ 9:45AM  
Thanks for the link, Bruce. I didn't know some of this before.

Men have higher prevalence of oral HPV than women.[8]

Oral HPV infection is associated with HPV-positive oropharyngeal cancer. Odds of oral HPV infection increases with the number of recent oral sex partners or open-mouthed kissing partners.[64] Nonsexual oral infection through salivary or cross transmission is also plausible.


Jun 12 @ 5:31PM  
Good one!!!!! (us toads need to stick together!!)
I feel your Pain!!!!
Glad ya liked it. Welcome back, BTW. Long time!

Thanks to everyone for your comments on my lame attempts at humor. Much obliged!

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Shoo Fly Hair Pie: You Are What You Eat!