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The New Priest

posted 6/9/2011 10:52:35 PM |
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tagged: joke

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1.Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8.David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9.When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11.When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12.The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

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post a comment!


Jun 10 @ 1:08AM  
I know how he feels. I used to get very nervous addressing the crowds at the panty conventions untill I turned up my vibrating panties to 10. It seemed to stimulate my vital organs and allow free form rhetoric..

Jun 10 @ 2:39AM  
this is father studs lonigan here, catholic priest to nunneries everywhere, suddenly all males have died, and only eye can lead the faithful to the promised
land way way away in space, where space ends...all aboard...

Jun 10 @ 4:03AM  
Guess they didnt get it

Jun 10 @ 5:57AM  
Guess they didnt get it

I am sure people got the joke. Now how many years ago that was depends upon the individual

Jun 10 @ 8:26AM  
Yep..Even I gotta admit it precedes dirt back to at least granite

Jun 10 @ 11:34AM  
Very cute!!!!

Jun 10 @ 10:29PM  
that was good

Jun 10 @ 11:10PM  
Even I gotta admit it precedes dirt back to at least granite

As I recall, I originally I read it as a cleaner version in my grandmother's Readers Digest in the sixties. I remember it because I did find it funny at the time.

Jun 10 @ 11:16PM  
So it got recycled for the under 40 crowd. lol I heard it before too but it made me laugh when i got it again so I thought it worthy of passing on.

Jun 11 @ 12:57AM  
Ohh come on.. you know JC and his bitches were smokin some good reefer and he looked all round at their baked asses and said.. eat me bitches!

Jun 11 @ 1:14PM  
That was good!

Jun 11 @ 3:39PM  


Jun 13 @ 5:16PM  
Laying the law down that its lady preach it to us so that we will under stand the law

Jun 16 @ 10:42PM  
Good one

Jun 17 @ 8:04AM  
And, of course..When Haysus said, "I don't care whoo ya' are Ma, you gotta'
quit throwing rocks at the hookers

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